To Report or not to report? Need advice and guidance

Old 07-01-2012, 04:11 PM
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To Report or not to report? Need advice and guidance

My sister is, I believe, an addict. We are twins and this whole thing has hit me really hard. We don't talk and when we do (which is hardly ever) it's like talking to an alien. I don't know her and the things she says is so unlike her -- very crazy. She has let herself be used time and again by men (really, they're just boys). I am trying hard to understand and be patient. I guess I thought of this all as a phase that would go away. It's not. It's getting worse. She has now been evicted from her apartment because the last guy who stayed with her was a drug dealer who was arrested and his name was not on her lease. She quit her job. She has no phone because the guy who was arrested borrowed it and ran up a $400.00 phone bill. She now lives with a couple who are young (my sister is 35, the couple she is living with is 19-20) and this couple has a 2year old little girl and twin boys that are under a year. no phone, no car, no job, no income. From what I have been hearing from her old friends, the couple she is hooked up with are dealing drugs. I have to wonder if this is true because no one has a job. They are living off government assistance. The girl stays in bed all day and does nothing. The guy sometimes stays with her. Other times he is out working odd jobs (not sure what, though I have my suspicions) or he is out with his friends. My sister takes care of the kids. They also have big dogs there, a pit bull included. Would you report or no, not at all? Thanks.
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Old 07-01-2012, 04:19 PM
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Do you mean a report to CPS?
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Old 07-01-2012, 04:21 PM
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Yes. Or would I report to the police?
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Old 07-01-2012, 04:49 PM
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Do you have knowledge that a crime has been committed?
Your sister is living life as she sees fit to do. It's not a crime to be unemployed or an addict.

I can certainly appreciate your concern for the welfare of these kids. CPS is overloaded and underfunded with first hand reports of neglect and abuse. Your report seems to be based on second hand information and does not make clear these children are neglected or abused.

Is there some reason why those with first hand information have not called CPS assuming they have wittnessed abuse/neglect?
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Old 07-01-2012, 07:18 PM
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Hard to say as you are not covered under a "mandated reporter" law.
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Old 07-01-2012, 07:49 PM
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Have you tried to seriously talk to you sister about your concerns?

In your post you said when you talked it was kind of like talking to an alien......where the two of you close before and now drugs are in the way. Your concerns sound very valid and maybe you should tell her and give examples as to why you are concerned, without judgement.

It takes alot for children services or the police to get involved.....they have their hands full.

Maybe you should reach out to her....
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Old 07-01-2012, 10:53 PM
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Personally if I knew there were 3 babies living in a house where drugs were being sold, I would report that to social services, but I'm in the UK and I don't know how cps work.
To me a child in a home drugs are being sold from is at risk. Drugs being left around, shady people coming to the house, robberies etc, what if someone gets a grudge or the couple don't manage to pay THEIR dealer?
However, if they're not dealing from the house and you don't have any reason to believe the kids are being neglected, then no, there is nothing to report.
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Old 07-02-2012, 09:16 AM
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I would love to talk to my sister, but she doesn't have a phone. the last roommate she had, which was a drug dealer, borrowed her phone and ran up a $400.00 bill and refused to pay. Through this guy is how she met the people she is living with now. That guy was arrested for drug dealing and just got out of jail.

I do have a lot of second hand information, but I went with my gut and made the difficult decision to report to CPS. Apparently this couple was already on their radar. I told them what i had heard and the little I knew. I have a heavy heart, but at least the kids won't be in a bad place hopefully.

We'll see.
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Old 07-02-2012, 11:35 AM
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If they have nothing to worry about, they'll have nothing to worry about! Either way you did the right thing.
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Old 07-02-2012, 01:59 PM
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Years ago I called Children's Aid (Canadian CPS) and had them check on my granddaughter because I heard from my son that they had both relapsed, were using needles and had people coming and going at all hours.

They checked and took the child to a "safe house" where nobody including me knew where she was. The child's mother soon got back on the wagon (she had been clean 7 years prior to the relapse) and after 6 months of "doing the do things in recovery" they gave the child back...my son was no longer there.

Someone has to be the voice of the child. By all means call and report what you suspect. They can check it out. Even if your sister never speaks to you again, you very well may have saved that child's life.

Hugs and God bless the child.
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Old 07-05-2012, 06:32 PM
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The situation has taken a turn. The couple has broken up. The girl claimed the guy hit her. Her friends went by and beat him up. Needless to say, he was forced to leave (his story) with only the clothes he was wearing. I asked both him and the girl where Melissa was. The girl got an attitude with me and said she was her fiance's "new chick". I asked him about it and he denied it. Tried to tell him to have her call home or call me or someone. But this has been to no avail. She doesn't have a phone of her own, so this has been hard. I don't regret what I did, and I don't think she knows it was me. In truth, I have no idea what has happened or what transpired. But my sister and that guy are not at the house anymore. The lease was in the guys name, so they went to get some paperwork filed out to have them escorted off. My sister went with the police, but apparently the police believed the girl and not my sis. So now my sister and that guy have lost everything and are out on the street. I tried to offer help and encouragement, and at 2:30 this morning, I received some very mean and immature texts, threatening to block my number if I didn't show him some respect. My sister is jobless, homeless, without her things, and without a phone. I am severely grieved. But all I can do is wait. I have discovered that I have major control issues and I want things done my way when I want it. I am having a hard time stepping back. She is my twin sister and I'm almost empty without her. But She is in the throws of addiction. I have to wait for her to ask for help. And I can't navigate the ending. And I also can't make her my responsibility. I live 800 miles away. There is not much I can do. But I'm angry and frustrated and lonely none the less. I miss her. I miss talking to her. I miss hearing her voice. I miss being able to call her to tell her about something silly that happened during the day. How do you all get through this?
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