aeo1313

Why am I in AA? Everyone in my life drinks more than I ever did. My parents drink 2-3 glasses of wine a night- I NEVER drank daily. My husband drinks daily. Everyone around me drinks/drank more than me---why am I the only one who can't handle it? I only drank 1-3 times a week...yet I'm the one in AA.

Why am I the one running into my backyard naked- drunk. Why am I the one who opens car doors on the freeway- drunk. Why am I the only one who can't handle it?

Sorry- self pity party. I think I'm back at step 1 again. I am still sober though!

SamanthaIam

aeo -- I'm one of those freaks who has nut allergies. Serious, full-on, life-threatening allergies. A peanut could kill me, no kidding. I carry an epipen, so chances are I could get it under control if I have an attack, but there's also a real good chance I could go anaphylactic and stop breathing before I can address it.

I could spend my whole life wondering why why why everyone else gets to eat nuts, Snickers bars, asian food with peanuts, potato chips cooked in peanut oil, peanut butter sandwiches -- all things I really LOVE! but I just can't. Or, I guess I could, but the consequences would be awful and possibly dire.

desertsong

Well, I think it goes back to the AA concept that we are "bodily different from our fellows." Maybe it's genetics, body chemistry, allergy, who knows. It just affects us differently for some reason.

I'm glad you're still sober.

Sapling

I'm just grateful that AA is there....I don't even want to think about where I would be without it. I just got back from a breakfast with about 70 non drinking alcoholics...Eating...Laughing...Having a great time...After a wonderful meeting where I saw 4 people get their 24 hour chip...First meeting....My sponsor gave me my one year chip....Getting hugs from guys with 20 and 30 years....That's life for me...I'll take it...I thank God for that. I guess that's why I'm in AA...And I'm glad you are too aeo.

aeo1313

I'm going to have my toddler, kicking and screaming on the floor tantrum...

Why why why can I drink the same as someone else and it turns me into a stupid, depressed, suicidal, person while the other person just drifts peacefully to sleep.

I totally get the nut allergy thing...I'm just angry right now and having trouble with acceptance.

Change4good

Folks like us are wired differently. Like samantha said, some people's bodies just aren't able to handle certain things. Makes us crazy, kills us, or both.

If you can't change it, you have no choice but to accept it. Unless you want to waste precious energy you could put towards other things.

aeo1313

Right now I am texting a fellow sponcee sister (same sponsor) and telling her this. We are going to meet for a meeting tonight after I get off work. If I get off in time! (waiting tables)

aeo1313

I am still sitting on the fence. Damn...I thought I had already dealt with this

oh2exhale

OMG aeo! We could've shared a ride to the funny farm- I was that crazy on the juice too!! I stand by this statement: I drank normal- everone else that stops when they feel a buzz coming on drinks abnormally. Why even drink if its not for the sh*t-faced crazy, pass out adventure??? (Shhh, don't tell anyone- WE are the normal people. We just got smart ;-)

Sapling

Did you ever hear when you were drinking?....aeo is a pretty nice person except when she drinks....Do you ever wonder why we do that to ourselves?...Why do we hide who we really are with alcohol? AA isn't just about not drinking....It's about learning to live and be ourselves without alcohol...That's what those steps are for...Try em!

CarolD

Try these....
Pray the serenity Prayer ...you can't wear it out...

Then...think of yourself as special...AA gives you exciteing
chances to help those still suffering.

I sure like having that opportunity ..will never give up AA.
Hope you soon find peace...

aeo1313

Maybe this is what I miss- crazy nights of not knowing what will happen. And regretting what happened in the morning.

My parents just got back w my kids from a cruise. They spent $1000 on drinks and I know nothing happened. I would have been the one going "watch me dive into the ocean"!

aeo1313

Actually I haven't heard that. I was always nice when drunk...I have heard how LOUD I am when drunk though!

No- that's not true- I thought I was beautiful and desireable when drunk and probably pissed off some wives and girlfriends.

Sapling

Yeah....I know alcohol brought out the best in me. I had a path of destruction to clean up to prove it.

Live2Run25

I feel you aeo. I wonder the same way, but i've just stopped questioning it. I can spend half of my life relapsing to find the answer to that question, but deep down, I really know the answer. I JUST CAN'T.

You can do this.

MalkavianEmily

I know people who drank more often than I did, maybe drank more than I did, I don't know. I also don't know what they're like when I'm not with them.
I'm not going to ask 'why am I the one with the problem?' or 'why don't they have a problem?' either.
The fact is, I do. I have to accept this. And yes, I was a lot nicer when I was drunk. When I was younger I could be quite loud, but more recently I was quiet. But either way, I was nicer when I was drunk. When it wore off, on the other hand...

Sapling

Maybe you just needed to give it a little more time.

EricL

I'm in the same boat as you, my family, my wife, my friends (for the most part) are all normal drinkers. They may drink to excess, they may even drink occasionally in the morning. But, when pushed against the wall, when given sufficient reason, they could stop drinking or reel it in. And, at the same time, be perfectly happy.

This was not me. I had lost that ability to reel in my drinking, and on the rare occasion that I could, I was miserable. I lost the power of choice eventually, could not simply "choose" to not take that first drink.

Mammyof3boys

I don't know either. And it angers me when especially at this time of year with bbqs and parties, why can't I have 1 or 2? Because I guess for me that doesn't seem to end, I start to trust that I can handle it again and within a couple of weeks I'm drinking everyday. And not having hangovers, so I tell myself I'm good I can handle this. And then a hangover, guilt and I think back over the last few weeks and I see the same mistakes repeating again.
Its a bad cycle, I'm glad I'm out and I hope and pray that I stay out.

Stay strong, stay sober!

KDL

I get your feelings exactly AOE!

I am still working very hard at acceptance, but it is not an easy thing to do.

I hear the "allergic to food" analogies, but they are hard to equate to giving up drinking. Maybe if there were tons of people out there having "Nut Happy Hours", getting vats of nuts to consume and get silly with at parties, or planning special romantic evenings toasting flutes of nuts, it would be comparable to me.

Like you, I know this sounds whiney and pity-partyish, but it is very hard!