Mits78

Well, i made it through 3 nights of not drinking. Yesterday I made 2 attempts to go to the bank to get some cash. I got close but the panic was so high i couldnt even drive into the parking lot. This morning was a big change. The anxiety was there mildly but I felt very confident. The derealization is still there but has also decreased. I drove all over the place and really didnt want to go home. Got to the bank and even did a little grocery shopping, started to panic a little but felt much better as I was checking out.

I wanted to do more but I only slept about 5 hrs. last night. I'm so tired today and feeling a little depressed. The past few days I told myself to just concentrate on the quitting drinking and dont worry about anything else. Now that I am feeling better today it seems depression is now setting in because I'm now thinking I have no job, no friends and i'm falling back into this life I drank myself away from. I'm grateful i havent drank but it scares the crap out of me to deal with all these feelings I've had since even before I ever had my first drink. The depression, the anxiety, the lonliness, and a overall feeling that I just dont know how to live with all these feelings. Once again I feel like I'm crying out for help. I'm confused.

Any advice?

Change4good

Mits, well done on three nights. You are crossing one thing off your list of worries. :-)

For me, sometimes it is enough to relish the small things. A cup of coffee, breathing in and out, realizing that being alive is a gift even if sometimes it feels crappy. And when I get hardcore, I make a list of all the things that are good about life to take the place of those that are bringing me down.

I hope you feel better today. We are rooting for you, so that is one thing you can add to your "good things" list. You have friends here!! :ghug3

soberbrooke

My sponsor would tell me to keep going to my meetings, no matter how bad I feel. It is the only thing in the whole wide world that made me feel better. 90 in 90, and now, with 6 months under me, I am still going once a day at least, sometime 2wice. It is making me feel so much better. I don't have a job either, but I am not drinking. I talk about not having a job in my meetings, and they always make me feel better.

MalkavianEmily

Congrats on 3 Days Mits. It might not seem like it, but that's a big step forwards.
I don't know whether my depression started before or after my drinking. I had problems with my life before I started drinking, and I did tend to withdraw inwards, but I think I was reasonably happy most of the time. Certainly when they went away I was.
And I don't think I drank to cope. At least, not at first. At first I drank because I liked how it made me feel. Maybe there was a little bit of drinking to fit in, I'm not sure. If there was, it didn't last long, maybe for the first couple of parties at university. After that, I drank because I liked it. Lager and vodka were my drinks of choice, although when I left university I stopped drinking vodka.

And yes, it is hard to deal with feelings when you stop drinking. Because we don't really deal with them when we do. It's a bit like swingball (or tetherball if you prefer). We knock them away, but they always come back round again.

It will get better. Stay strong. You're worth it.

Yazi

Mits, I made through 3 nights as well. Congratulations! Mentally it was hard, but for me physically I feel soo much better. I have actually slept better as well. What I struggle with is my mind trying to make excuses to drink. There are so many things that are triggers for me (happiness, loneliness, boredom, etc). I need to go to the food store, but I am nervous that I will make an excuse to buy wine. That is what usually has happened in the past, I think I'm doing good and then just start all over again. I am hoping this time will be different. I just need to be keep strong and focused and not give up! Good luck in your recovery, we can do it!

Sapling

You guys are mentioning lonliness here...My drinking was at is worst when I was drinking alone....For me...Going to meetings and meeting people with the same problem I had that were doing something about it...Was the only option I had that made any sense...Try to beat this thing alone...Or do it with the help of people already doing it. Ponder that for a little bit.

Zencat

It has helped me to develop sober living skills like those found in CBT and DBT. Living life without resorting to numbing is a skill that I can learn and then practice in daily living. And like any progress it takes me time to get where I can do more things in life without my anxiety disorder getting in the way.

Just learning and growing, things do get better with growth in recovery.

Mits78

We can do it! Take the advice you gave me when you go to the store, be strong!! I know you can do it!

IndaMiricale

Well done on the store and little steps like that can be so rewarding. I also felt so down when I finally surrendered I had nothing left either no car,job,money, ect. But I have found so much in the rooms of AA. It is such a wonderful feeling to walk in and be truly welcomed each and every time. And truly missed if I cant make it.

2granddaughters

You sound like most of my AA buddies (and me) who have missed a meeting or two.

Mits, did you Google and read AA's "How It Works" and "The Doctor's Opinion" ? Can you identify with those documents? AA is the treatment.

All the best.

Bob R

colagirl

Hi Mits, I could have written your original post myself. Congrats on the three nights - I think I'm about one day behind you as I'm starting day three here. I share your feelings of depression and feeling like I'm back to what I wanted to avoid. I'm also practically hysterical over dealing with these bad feelings.

I do think the feelings are less raw with a few days away from the alcohol though, so I'm telling myself that staying stopped is the only way through this, no matter how bad it might feel. I also did a SMART meeting online last night, which helped me a lot to feel less isolated (I'm stuck in my house nursing a sick kitty).

Good luck, we can do this!! :ghug3