codepen

I thought I posted on this newcomers site a few days ago, but I didn't...was a little distraught. I will not go through the same story again, but I have a question about being an abuser versus an addict. Is there a difference? I was told that I was an abuser to opiates because I do not use them daily and can go for months without them, but do binge when I have them. Whereas an addict such as bf cannot carry money on his person without using and uses on a consistent basis. I am trying to figure these things out, because when I go to an NA meeting it seems as though I am not the typical user so what does this all mean. Does it just boil down to manageability in one's life? Powerlessness? Additionally, I went out drinking the night after I posted so that I would not use. Is this swapping addictions? Or can I go out to get drunk and not be an alcoholic. I think so, but I may be wrong. Basically I don't know where I belong in the whole scheme of things.

Oh yeah, by the way, it was a wager of going to an NA meeting or going to drink and I set myself up for failure by asking my bf to go and when he said no then I used that as a way to make my decision on where I would be. In retrospect I did it on purpose because I have never been to a meeting on my own and that is a fear for me to overcome. I also came to the conclusion that if I take all of my addictions and chaos away and have nothing to do but to sit with myself, I don't like it; maybe it's because I don't like myself? Boredom? Don't know what to do? I really don't know. There are very few people that I come in contact with that are not addicts...where are those that are sober so that I can be the minority rather than be amongst the the majority of users?

Thanks.

DisplacedGRITS

Is it having a negative effect on your life? Do you want to quit? It really doesn't matter if you see yourself as an abuser or an addict. What matters is the desire to quit. I think what's important is that you don't use the opiates the way they're intended to be used and that's the problem. Boredom or unease with ouselves is an excuse that many of us use to justify our using. It's up to us to find something else to occupy our time. Personally, i read when i get bored or take care of projects i would have otherwise neglected when i was drinking. Being at ease in your own skin is more difficult. I see a therapist and have started journaling to help with that. Welcome to the boards. I hope you find the support and advice you're looking for here!

codepen

Yes the counseling I'm beginning again and my journaling has gone by the wayside but I think I will pick up a notebook once again. Thanks.

Sapling

Welcome to SR codepen...I don't think what you call yourself is real important..The question is are drugs and alcohol causing problems in your life?...One easy test to see how dependent you are on them is to stop using and drinking for 90 days...See if you can do that....And if so...How are you feeling when you do...Does it not bother you at all?...Or are you irritable and discontent?..You said you went to an NA meeting...Try going to 90 in 90 days...That's where you find clean and sober people.....And don't worry if you are the typical user or not...Try to identify and not compare...Look for similarities with people...Not how different you are. All you need to be there is a desire to stop using...If that's what you want to do...I would say AA and NA would be a great choice for you...This site is a great place for online support...Read and post here....Ask questions...Learn....I hope you get to where you are looking to be. I'm glad you are here.

2granddaughters

In the beginning we try to find every excuse why we are different from the "garden variety" alcoholics and addicts.... truth is the ones going to NA and AA are getting better and I'm not.

All the best.

Bob R

Anna

I think it's just a label and it's more important how you feel about yourself and the situation.

GiGi13

I agree with all of the above statements...my opinion is this... the use of whatever substance other then for its intended purpose is a potential problem... If your in pain and take a pain killer...thats what its intended for...if your NOT in pain and take a pain killer to get high...your abusing the substance.. = potential problem. If you drink with the soul purpose of getting drunk = abuse of substance = potential problem. It IS possible that you are bargaining with yourself and addictive behavior... (i shall drink so i wont have to use)..very profound logic...but also..illogical.. your intent is to feel HIGH..numb..at whatever cost... that is a recipe for disaster... if you stopped using all together and then just started drinking...you could end up alcoholic and in yet another world of poop! The basic fact that you are even here on this board should prove to you that you are smart enough to recognize a problem and you have potential desire to quit...good for you!!!! Since you already attend NA meetings.. perhaps you should try an AA meeting even just to listen to other peoples stories..im quite sure there are many who had your mindset...stopped using and picked up the bottle ...

stay strong, stay sober, keep the faith...i know you can do this!!!!

CraigA

The bottom line is re-read your post and i bet you will answer your own question. Ask yourself do you want to live this way, does this seem normal? If not you can change the way you live, if you so chose to. You don't have to be addicted to something to realize that you are running from yourself, you don't have to lose everything to realize that you have a problem with drugs/alcohol? People and yourself already said about using it and following the directions, if youre not well then... . Not everyone had to lose or be addicted to something to change their ways to a more healthier life. DisplacedGRITS said it great.

First see the problem which I believe you did now take some action like you are doing, if you are going to meetings you don't have to go with bf, find your own meetings, look for a sponsor and work the steps, after that re-evaluate your life and see what you want to do. People who stopped using and changed their life will probably agree that life without drugs/alcohol is better. Talk with your counselor about your use and ask for their opinion about it, and journaling is great for seeing where you are at, it helps!!!

Keep posting, praying, if possible go to meetings, do something positive for yourself to help with your feelings, give yourself some sober time to re-connect with you!!!

God Bless and i will prat for you!!!

codepen

This is exactly what I have identified as something that needs to be changed, which is judging and comparing myself to others. That is excellent how you mentioned finding similarities...thank you.