Krys

Ugh. Sorry...but I just need to vent for a minute. I am so moody and bitchy this week it is not even funny. Sometimes I feel really confident that the right decision is to leave ABF in the dust and move on and other days I am ready to pack my things and move back home because he sounds so positive. Is it strange that the more time I spend away from him the more I want to move on? You would think I would would miss him, and I guess sometimes I do, but most of the time I don't. Then we see each other and everything goes well (and it usually does) and I am thinking there may be a chance for us. It's weird, I am usually pretty in touch with my feelings, but this throws me for a loop. On top of all of that fun filled confusion I tried my hardest through all of the drama with ABF to ace my classes so that I would have a chance at getting into a pretty competitive program (and was given every indication from the program director that I had an excellent chance) and now it looks like that might not happen. I still haven't found a new apartment, and I dunno...I guess I am just feeling like things are not going to get better. It seems like every time I try to make improvements to my life to get away from this mess something throws a wrench into it. God I hate feeling sorry for myself, but I am tired of this!!

Tuffgirl

Well...you could go back and see...and potentially be right here a few months from now.

It's so hard to tell sometimes if we made the right decision. I was just telling my daughter this am - two days after she sent a rather terse resignation letter to her employer (justifiably so) to quit on the spot, that when we hav e those moments of feeling that we did the right thing - hang onto them. They can be fleeting until enough time has passed.

I love the saying "more to be revealed". And I have now officially lived long enough to understand what it means!

Stay strong!
~T

Katiekate

I went back several times for a check in, it was for me, things always seemed fine when we were together, but if he contacted me by phone and I answered, it just started all over again.

I have been done completely for about 3 or 4 weeks, it is hard somedays, but I have peace, I am working more, getting out more, spending time with healthy people.

It never ends well, seeing them, they are always their best selves, but it does not take long for the manipulation, lies, blameshifting, etc etc to get right back into full swing.

Krys

I just get so mad at myself for not being able to make the leap one way or another. I frustrate and annoy the Hell out of myself...and I can't get away from me! lol.

EnglishGarden

It may be that you do not fully understand or accept the disease of alcoholism.

When we do, we stop trying to have relationships with active alcoholics.

We stop being surprised.

We stop blaming them for being brain damaged.

We let go.

Wishing you good luck in getting the perfect apartment and finding the very best place for your talents. You want better for your life, it is clear, and you will find better.

Those are things you can control: a stable environment and stimulating work.

But if you invite active addiction into your life again, those possibilities for a good life will be lost in the tornado.

Hoping you will build yourself a sturdy, safe life.

Fathom

When I first left my STBXAH, my HP introduced me to a 69 year old, very large Tahitian / Croatian man with some very strong opinions on the matter of breakups. He told me, "Just keep moving forward. Don't look back. You know what happens when you look back? You run into a wall cause you're not looking where you are going. Trust me. I know it seems good when you go back. The love is good. And, then, you run into the wall. Don't look back.". He was like a broken record.

It's funny because I had just left my STBXAH, and I was adamant at the time that it was over. There was nothing he could say to make me go back to him. But this man knew what was coming. I went back to my AH not even three days later. I now understand what that man was trying to tell me.

"Just keep looking forward. Be patient and things will come together for you." I've been dealing with this kind of limbo with no real place to call my home, no permanent job, no car, and barely any money since November. It's been more stressful than I've let on even to myself, really. But, things are starting to look up, now. I finally bought myself a car a couple of weeks ago, and earlier this week I got accepted for a permanent position doing something that I'll love. I can finally justify apartment hunting to live on my own because I'll be making a decent wage. And, my new community is really supportive.

I know it's frustrating right now.

Hugs,
Fathom

Katiekate

YOu will get there, he will keep showing you who he is, eventually you will believe him.

xo

Krys

I have an appointment to see an apartment on Monday in my neighborhood. It's a little more than I want to pay, but it could be worth it...it is a good price for the area. The owner has had a lot of interest and had to squeeze me in, please keep your fingers crossed for me! I just hope I figure things out soon, limbo is killing me!

Katiekate

It will all fall into place!

TakingCharge999

Oh I know the feeling
We have to start accepting uncertainty as a part of life
Even when we "have" someone, or something .. we will lose them at some point.
My mom told me today, that a painter needs a white canvas to create a masterpiece.
I am also without permanent job, in limbo waiting to finally move to my own home...
In the end it all gets solved. See, how many years have passed, for me it has been 30, I have survived! We are smart and strong, we will make it.
Trust the abundance of the Universe, as transformyself says! If its not this place it will be another...

mmk11

This couldn't be more true!! My separated AH is nice one day, and a complete ass the next. Fortunately I'm becoming more immune to the charms of Mr. Nice Guy (the one I fell in love with) and the man he is now- cold, angry, manipulative, insensitive, the list goes on.

Learn2Live

Krys, I went through the same thing early in my Recovery. My XA&ABF (this was 16 years ago) and I had somewhat split up and he was disloyal and unfaithful to me, sending me into a tailspin, but I still hung on. I would see him once a week, on "dates" (as if having been cheated on by my then-fiance wasn't indication enough that I shouldn't continue with this person). It never wound up good. It just got sicker and sicker. The drama and sick feelings and confusion, hurt and pain just continued. After about a year and a half of this, I was finally able to move on with my life. I enrolled at a university and never looked back. I was so scared to make that step but I did it. Today, I am a different person than I was then. I am so grateful I was able to Let Go of him and hand him over to my Higher Power. Because my life just opened up once I got past him. There are different kinds of men out there, so very different from that guy you are hanging onto. There are healthy, non-addicted guys out there. But you're not going to have the opportunity to meet them where you are. Work on yourself, on improving yourself and your education, and you will meet people who have worked on themselves too.