Hithere22

I'm away on a business trip and my gf is out drinking while driving my new car. I'm frustrated and feeling helpless. I asked her not to drive my car drunk, but I knew she wouldn't keep her promise not to. I guess I'm posting because I feel very alone and overwhelmed.

wicked

I am sorry you are feeling overwhelmed and alone.
Alcoholics will lie about everything.
I am sorry that I do not have any advice for you,
just wanted to say I hear you.
My ex would drive drunk all the time, it was infuriating feeling helpless.
You have found a great place for support though.
I hope you hang around and read some stickies, and others stories.
It will help.

Beth

Hithere22

I'm just so mad right now. I know the bars are closed by now, and I still haven't heard from her. I tend to be the "punisher" type of enabler or the victim type. I honestly just want to call her at 6 am and start yelling at her. But it won't do any good. It just makes her feel justified in going out and drinking again because she says I drive her to drink when I put so much pressure on her and am on her case. And I know it sounds horrible, but right now I'm only worried about my new car.

pinkdog

Hi and welcome!:ghug3

Seren

Hello hithere22, Welcome to SR!

People tend to treat us the way we allow them to treat us. It does not sound as though you are very happy with life with your girlfriend, and I'm very sorry to hear it. Everyone deserves a peaceful and joy-filled life!

Perhaps when you are out of town next time, you could bring all the car keys with you and park your car at the airport garage as well. Also, if you know she is out drinking and driving, you do have the option of calling the police.

I realize these things sound harsh, but what happens if she injures or kills someone while driving your car?

I hope you were able to get some sleep last night and that the rest of your trip is successful!

Learn2Live

I'm glad you realize that she is blaming you for her bad behavior. THAT is the way she THINKS. You cannot control the way another person thinks. She is not going to change.

I do not judge you or blame you at all for only worrying about the car. It sounds like she is making you nuts. I have been there. She is controlling you and it is not healthy for you to be controlled by a drunk person.

marie1960

Your GF has no respect for herself, or you. Why would you think she is capable of respecting your property? I think the real question you should be asking yourself is why do I choose to have an out of control girlfriend? You have no power over her choice to drink.

Insanity, is doing the same thing, over and over again and expecting a different result. Time to turn the focus to you, time to be asking yourself why you settle for someone who is unavailable, and causing you so much grief.

Take care of YOU.

lizatola

Seconding the question here: why did you leave the keys behind?

I am sorry for what brought you here, living life with an alcoholic is not fun or peaceful. I am going away for 3 weeks, leaving on Saturday, and I'm taking all my sets of keys with me for my car. My AH got his first DUI a few months ago in HIS car and I'm not about to give him access to my Lexus, even though his name is on the title. He is supposed to be getting the ignition interlock in his car soon and I don't want him driving my car around. And, I don't need to explain myself to him either, just as you don't have to explain anything to your girlfriend. Take the keys and go about your business, leave her to her alcoholism.

I hope you keep coming back here. There is great wisdom here and wonderful support. Life can get better for you!

Hithere22

She doesn't have a car. She always takes me to the airport then uses my car when I'm gone. Not letting her use my car. Ugh. That seems so harsh. I just want her to be like a normal person. So frustrating.

Hithere22

She is getting her own car this weekend so at least that means she won't drive mine. I do worry about other people on the road though. I honestly don't think I could call police on her though. I soooooo wish she would get a DUI. but then again, why would that be a wake up call when nothing else is?

Bluebonnet1

I see that you are up. So am I. Waiting to hear from the police since my ABFjust crashed into a house around the corner. He didn't have a car either, and even though I asked him to leave ten days ago, I still let him drive the Jeep until he could get something. That, and in the back of my mind, hoped his recovery would go well enough that we would end up back together. I'm living proof tonight that it won't get better. I guess I'm "lucky", if you can call it that, that I DID get my wake up call tonight, but thankfully he hit a house and didn't injure anyone. Your GF may not be so lucky. Please, don't leave her the keys, and please, don't lose yourself in this relationship.

neferkamichael

For the third time. Why did you let her have the keys?

Seren

I'm glad to hear that she has taken the initiative to get her own car.

I think we have all wished that our loved one would just 'be normal'. The sad truth is that no amount of begging, threats, or coercion on our part ever made any difference in the person we love who struggles with addiction. You will never know when or if she will get her 'wake up call'. She will decide to stop drinking when the pain of the consequences of her drinking are greater than living life without alcohol.

One thing to think about: What would make you feel worse? Calling the cops on her when you know she is driving drunk or knowing that she hit someone leaving them permanently injured or dead?

JenT1968

I remember when I first came here, first started really trying to get to grips with exH's alcoholism, much of my thinking had become really distorted. I would consider small things or entirely logical things I did that were against his wishes as harsh uncalled for action.

thank you for your post, it reminds me of how chaotic things can be and has provided a light-bulb moment for me about my own life (because I can see things so clearly in other people's lives, but my own - not so good!)

The thing I was struggling with until today:

my ex is verbally abusive and threatening, he has recently threatened to put me in hospital, my solicitor has adviced me to go to the police, and I didn't want to because it seemed such a harsh step to report my children's father to the police:

so.......in my mind, I equate reporting him to the police for threatening me to be worse than him threatening me: that's pretty messed up.

drunk driving is illegal for a reason, getting pulled over and being prosecuted for that is the least bad consequence of driving drunk.

kiki5711

Next time take the keys with you. Does she have her own transportation? Does she need it for work? If yes, get her a used car for necessary purposes and if she still continues to drink and drive irresponsibly it's her fault not yours. At least you know that your car won't get smashed.

ConeyIslandHigh

This is something I have just recently come to realize myself, and is about the most sobering advice I've ever heard anyone give to someone else.

Hithere22, please take it.

lizatola

It wasn't a wake up call for my AH and I thought it would be. He did jail time, home detention, paid enormous amounts of lawyer fees and court fines. He will have the ignition interlock on for 18 months and yet I know he's still drinking but he's hiding it. The DUI was NOT his bottom.

oh2exhale

I just read this in an article: "An addicts primary loyalty is not to the relationship, its to the addiction. Active addicts become cheaper versions of themselves and lose integrity or the ability to do the right thing when the right thing is difficult." There are people who do not make good partners because they have differences in core values-they dont share values and goals you hold most dear. Since you are not married to this person maybe its time to take a break and get clear on your own direction, goals, values-and understanding what qualities you want in a partner.
God Bless!

Cyranoak

You left your alcoholic girlfriend with the keys to your new car.



This one's on you my friend.

Good God.

Tuffgirl

Welcome, hithere. I don't know about you, but I spent a lot of time trying to act normal in hopes everything would be normal. No matter how hard or how long I tried, it wasn't normal, because addictions and addicted behavior are not "normal" circumstances.

When I stopped acting as if it was all normal, I was able to change my life to better suit my needs. Much happier this way. Now I live in my own normal.