Misguidedsoul

Hi all... sorry for this rant... it's against myself.. i started this week wanting to change... so much good advice on here.. yet tonight i have drunk more than i have for a while... it started with one.. i thought ok two would be ok.. i am now here having had 9 cans... i know i need to see doctor (appointment already made) but i am crying now thinking of how my resolve has diminished and how weak i am... past events i cannot forgive myself for... i'm close to losing my accomodation... and yet i still turn to the can for comfort even though it is the can that is robbing me of who i am.... sorry guys.. i won't post again tonight..

Elisabeth888

Please keep posting! We know how you are feeling.

desertsong

It's okay. We understand. The worst thing you can do is to isolate ... so don't. We're here and we get it.

GypsyHeart

thank you for posting....

serious

keep posting. don't hide.

we've all been there... you are looking to get out of the cycle. it's very hard... i know. countless times in my life i drank without any desire to do so... i just drank and drank. it's great that you are going to see the doc. perhaps it will give you a push in the right direction.

and by posting and reading here you might just save yourself from drinking even more.

sissy07

I am so sorry you are having a hard time. Just get back on the horse tomorrow. Can you add some face to face support?

Oh, and you can't change the past. I know all about feeling guilt and shame when thinking about some of the things I did and how I spent my time (alone and wasted). All you can do is learn from it, and stop drinking so that you have the future that you really want. Let the past go. Take care.

Anna

Please remember that alcoholism is not a character defect. It`s a disease, and you can get better. I`m glad that you`re going to see your dr. And, do come back here and post and let us know how you`re doing.

Sapling

I don't know how many times I was only going to have one or two....And ended up stopping when I had nothing left....That's the way I drank. There is good advice on this site....And different ways that people have stopped for good....Find something you'd be willing to try....Give it all you have...Use the support you can get here...Ask questions...And most important...Don't get down on yourself...And keep trying. I'd stop for the night....Take it easy on yourself. See the doctor when you can...Be totally honest about your drinking and work on a plan to detox safely. There are ways out of this...There are some hopeless cases here that have done it...Myself included. You're not weak...Get that idea out of your head. There is hope for all of us....Believe that. I'm glad you are here and never be sorry for posting here.

debsam

We're not going anywhere MGS

I've been where you are. You can stop this. Never stop trying.

Glad you're going to see the doc. Do whatever it takes to support you through this...that's what I had to do.

Big hugs mate

Hevyn

Don't apologize. How many of us do you think did this very same thing? I must've tried dozens of times, but now I have over 4 yrs. I know you can do it, because I did it - and I was a very slow learner. You aren't weak, and willpower can't be used to fight alcoholism.

As you've seen once again, there is no 'just one' for us. Once I truly believed that I was able to heal. You can too, Misguided. Let's try this again.

neferkamichael

Please don't give up.

wellwisher

I agree - keep posting - don't hide, keep shining a light on the problem and the shadows go away.

You can do this, and an appointment with the doctor to have an honest discussion and safe detox is the next best thing to do.

We've all been there; you are not alone, and SR is a nice, bright place to be.

Welcome!

artsoul

We're all here because we've all been in the same shoes. I had a year or two of trying to control my drinking before I was willing to consider the possibility that "just trying harder" wasn't helping.

When I stopped, my thinking was still wrapped up in addiction, telling me the same lies, and even knowing it wasn't the real me talking, it took a while to build up the other, sane, part of me. Reading and posting really helped me do that.

Sending you a hug (give yourself one, too)!:ghug3

duane1

We all have fallen. The key is to get back up.

2granddaughters

I always thought I needed more strength as well when I was trying to get sober..

Truth is what I needed was to SURRENDER and join AA. That simple act has kept me sober for over 22 yrs.

Wishing you the best.

Bob R

Misguidedsoul

Thx Sapling... like so many that have replied you give me hope.. hope that i can turn the page...I am exploring going to AA...one member ( I won't name names...) is really helping me towards that goal... taking that first step into the unknown is hard though... it seems easier to stay with what I know..maybe it's fear of letting go that is holding me back ??????? better the devil you know thingy.. !! I will continue to post.. I know i don't want to remain where I am right now.. and in reading i can see places i would rather be.. ok..enough for now.. drink is consuming my thoughts and thats probably not a good thing to consume !! ... I'll end though by thanking you all for caring enough to comment ... it means a lot !!

Zee

Hey, at least you have found SR!
This place is fantastic, and it will always be there for you when you need it.
I'm here with my lovely friend 'insomnia' at 3am!
Hang around, we are all in the same boat at the end of the day!
Good luck at the doctors x

Sapling

You know....Fear is what kept me drinking for many more years than I should have...When the fear of the known....What this stuff was doing to me...Was greater than the fear of the unknown....I was willing to take a look at the unknown....And that's what saved my life.

codepen

Well, I am new to this site. I have an addiction which has its highs and lows. I'll have months I quit for then have a few pills here and there. I have not had any opiate for a couple days now, which I can usually last for a while, but? My other addiction...my bf... I have decided to take a break from because of his his active crack use and inactivity in recovery. I read "What Addicts Do" and can relate that to myself as well as to him. I have chosen to stop enabling him and work on myself? Although I did try to manipulate a situation by inviting him to an NA meeting so I could see him and he said no, which now I have set myself up to not attend either.

The other night I gave him the last opportunity for me to help him get to a rehab but he said no and I returned by saying "call me when your sober". Then the stupid cycle starts again and I initiate an invite? What am I doing? Going crazy...insane...I really get in my heart I am powerless, but my mind plays tricks on me. When will this end? I don't think anyone understands why I love a crack addict and why I have taken four years of my life to wait for him to be the sober person he once was the first year we began dating. Well counseling is on Friday...so maybe I'll make it til then to stay away from that one old convenient friend that usually has something she can share with me? Somethings gotta give...I'm tired of hurting...help!

sugarbear1

wow. I was like that last april. I stopped on may 16.

thanks for reminding me I can' have just one, or two, cause I'd be back up to 9 or more, too.

You helped me to stay sober today, thank you very much!

Love,