NIADHARMA

Hello I recently relapsed after seeking treatment and going to detox in January. This is my first time seeking treatment or any assistance but I'm really angry that alcohol wants to take over my life. I'm ending a marriage, I have no children and pretty much all my family dreams have been shattered due to medical reasons. I'm 40 years old and I wasted my time in a lonely marriage for the past 3 years and of course my drinking increased and was my best friend. I realized now that drinking one drink is the enemy but my body and mind wants it so bad. I have a life long history of tragedy and death with no immediate family so the dream of replacing what I was missing with my husband and children I know wasn't going to fix my life long issue. Of course I never recognized it before because it would be once or twice a year binge. Then the past 3 years it was everyday of my life. Today I drove around with a strong desire to drink and didn't. I want to be able to live life but my cravings and mind was so consumed that I didn't even think of one thing I could go do to have fun. This is so sad. I will beat this disease can someone understand this trying to live life without drinking because the past everything I did included drinking. I can't hide in my house like I've been doing because I'm afraid of the world. Any suggestions or guidelines.
Thank you for reading.

desertsong

Glad you're here. I'm sorry for what you're going through ... that is some tough stuff. I think many of us can relate to your story, though. Many of us had a lot of false starts before finally finding sobriety. As long as you keep trying, you're not out of the game.

It's a good start to come here looking for support ... you will definitely find it here. Welcome.

Dee74

Hi NIADHARMA

I know it's hard to contemplate life without drinking, especially when it's been a corner stone of your life for years - but many of us have done it - it is possible

I think supports very important - so I'm glad you've joined us here.

There's also face to face support too - recovery groups like AA, SMART, Rational Recovery as well as counselling and even outpatient rehab.

I'm sure you can beat this like so many others here have - welcome!

D

Luling

Welcome! :ghug3

NIADHARMA

Thank you so much for the support so quickly. I think this was a good step for me. AA I'm not that comfortable and I'm still searching for a group that's good for me. Meanwhile I think this is a great discovery.

least

Welcome to SR. It's hard to get out when you're used to isolating but take it bit by bit and it will get easier. I second the idea of face to face support in some manner.

My counselor and this site have helped me stay sober for over two years now. You can do it too.:ghug3

FancyFace

Hi and welcome. I'm new here today as well so unfortunately I don't have any great words of wisdom for you yet. I wanted to say hello and let you know, you're not alone. We can do this together.

sissy07

Welcome to SR! I love this place - it has been instrumental in me being sober for 10.5 months. (If I can do it anyone can!) Take care and keep reading and posting. SR is a goldmine of wisdom, love and understanding.

serious

i am finding a lot of strength by learning about AVRT. for me it makes sense, it is exactly what i needed to learn in the past, perhaps it will help you as well. there are many methods, support groups and techniques that you can benefit from.

relapses are awful, had one myself recently. needless to say this very site is a great place to start.

also start doing something, anything that doesn't involve drinking. the other day i did some chores around the house, had absolutely no fun doing it... but once i got into it, my mind was off negative thoughts and emotions. it surely beats laying on the couch, getting drunk.

Zencat

Welcome to SR NIADHARMA

This recovery tool; getting past the cravings may help you. Continued participation here at SR is another recovery tool that can make recovering from alcohol problems less a chore. Hope to see you around more.

Itchy

Welcome! We have a bad habit of repeating the same behaviors over and over and expecting different results as alcoholics don't we? I have a year plus sobriety. Want to know what worked? Everything! Why, because I did many new things with the determination to quit once and for good. What are you going to do different this time? That is a good place to start. Whatever it takes even if that means trying things that you don't think are for you. Coming here is a great way get support and learn about what is available to you at home locally and online and in books. Take what you can use and leave the rest.

Niadharma, If you are sick and tired of being sick and tired you are in the right place.

NIADHARMA

Thank you everyone for all your kindness, wisdom and motivation. I was able to get through the night with you guys and today is easier. The urges have been great today but I feel stronger and it came on the website and see all the great things you have shared with me it has made me even stronger. 5-10pm is my critical time and I'm going to work on a project in my home that I've put off forever and exercise. I will be back soon for more support. God Bless you all.

NIADHARMA

ZENCAT thanks for the tool!!!

artsoul

Welcome NIADHARMA!

It's great to have you with us! I'm sorry you've been through so much.... hope this will be the start of a new and rewarding phase in your life!