Maybe relapsing or something.
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Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 76
Maybe relapsing or something.
I dont remember when I fell off the wagon really. I have been drinking just now and then with few disasters.
Been partying with friends ,that was really fun and nice. I have been isolating myself a lot so going out and meeting people have been good for me.
Good stuff is that I am still doing good in my job. And I will continue to work there this fall after the holidays. They are happy with me and want me to continue.
But bad stuff is that I was unable to finish my degree on time and will finishin the middle of this fall.
Other bad stuff is that I again got involved with a person who has abused me in my past , of course I was drunk ,lonely and pathetic. I really struggle with general sluttiness while drunk and hate myself afterwards. With good reasons. Last weekend I went in to a car with a guy that had beer in his car. He invited me home for drinks and I did go. He did accept that I did not want to have sex and drove me home in the morning. But still He was old and ugly and wonder what he was doing cruising at night in his car with beer in his car. I had been out with friends that wanted to go home ,But I was not satisfied. I wanted to party and drink more alcohol.
I am lucky that I did not get hurt or raped or anything.
I dont want any advice or comments. Just want to empty my thoughts and feelings.I know I am pathetic.
Been partying with friends ,that was really fun and nice. I have been isolating myself a lot so going out and meeting people have been good for me.
Good stuff is that I am still doing good in my job. And I will continue to work there this fall after the holidays. They are happy with me and want me to continue.
But bad stuff is that I was unable to finish my degree on time and will finishin the middle of this fall.
Other bad stuff is that I again got involved with a person who has abused me in my past , of course I was drunk ,lonely and pathetic. I really struggle with general sluttiness while drunk and hate myself afterwards. With good reasons. Last weekend I went in to a car with a guy that had beer in his car. He invited me home for drinks and I did go. He did accept that I did not want to have sex and drove me home in the morning. But still He was old and ugly and wonder what he was doing cruising at night in his car with beer in his car. I had been out with friends that wanted to go home ,But I was not satisfied. I wanted to party and drink more alcohol.
I am lucky that I did not get hurt or raped or anything.
I dont want any advice or comments. Just want to empty my thoughts and feelings.I know I am pathetic.
I don't think anyone here will judge you. If you want to quit and need support, then we will be here for you.
I did the things you talked about for years, I felt horrible pain and guilt but kept going back? Why? Because I am an alcoholic. It took me stopping, and saying, I'm DONE, I will never drink again. I'm NOT long time sober, but I know I am sober for good. No doubt about it. Once I said I'm done, I was able to ask God to forgive me and allow me to forgive myself. I have not done the sluttiness thing for many years but it still hurt every day.
You have to decide to change and forgive yourself, tell yourself your not that person anymore.
I did the things you talked about for years, I felt horrible pain and guilt but kept going back? Why? Because I am an alcoholic. It took me stopping, and saying, I'm DONE, I will never drink again. I'm NOT long time sober, but I know I am sober for good. No doubt about it. Once I said I'm done, I was able to ask God to forgive me and allow me to forgive myself. I have not done the sluttiness thing for many years but it still hurt every day.
You have to decide to change and forgive yourself, tell yourself your not that person anymore.
We don't judge people here. We've all done things we regret when we were in active addiction.
I'm glad you will be finishing your degree and that things are going well with your job.
Have you considered counselling? Are you planning to stop drinking completely?
I'm glad you will be finishing your degree and that things are going well with your job.
Have you considered counselling? Are you planning to stop drinking completely?
I dont want any advice or comments.
then you say:
Actually I think I want comments and advice
if you havent stopped drinking, you havent relapsed. ya gotta stop drinking for that to happen. do you [B]want to stop drinking?
then you say:
Actually I think I want comments and advice
if you havent stopped drinking, you havent relapsed. ya gotta stop drinking for that to happen. do you [B]want to stop drinking?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 76
I have been sober for periods the last year. Been sober for months. But somehow I started to drink again I guess. But it was a choice i guess. Just a couple of beers with friends in a controlled manner. But now my drinking is starting to get me in a downwards spiral again. I have been able to stop for several months. And My dry period ended in i guess a month ago. But is one glass wine a relaps.?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 76
But I dont want to stop. The thought of never drinking again is completely depressing and almost makes me suicidal.
Well, if that's how you feel, then you will not be successful in recovering. It's hard work and takes a lot of motivation, but as you can see if you look around SR, it's well worth it.
And, yeah, one glass of wine is a relapse.
And, yeah, one glass of wine is a relapse.
Welcome back Roselian
Some times I think it's best to focus on the bottom line - you're drinking...and it's leading you into bad decisions, and like you say, a downward slope.
You were lucky in the scenario above - and there's so many other things that can happen to us when our common sense is impaired.
I'm worried for you.
I had to accept that however much I didn't want to stop drinking, it was destroying my life my health and my future and - in fact - it very nearly killed me.
I really hope you decide to do something about your drinking Roselian, because honestly - things really won't get any better.
D
Some times I think it's best to focus on the bottom line - you're drinking...and it's leading you into bad decisions, and like you say, a downward slope.
You were lucky in the scenario above - and there's so many other things that can happen to us when our common sense is impaired.
I'm worried for you.
I had to accept that however much I didn't want to stop drinking, it was destroying my life my health and my future and - in fact - it very nearly killed me.
I really hope you decide to do something about your drinking Roselian, because honestly - things really won't get any better.
D
I'll judge you. As a non recovered alcoholic. We have all been there so I judge you to be one of us if you truly want to quit, and in the right place. If you don't want to quit then Sober Recovery by its very name may be the wrong place to be, but a great place to start that scary process.
So about that addiction, I will ask you what those guys always ask on Pawn Stars. You want to pawn that addiction for awhile, so you can get it any time, or sell it for good?
Congrats on landing here, nothing happens without a reason.
So about that addiction, I will ask you what those guys always ask on Pawn Stars. You want to pawn that addiction for awhile, so you can get it any time, or sell it for good?
Congrats on landing here, nothing happens without a reason.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 76
And she would have hated this.
But the picture of her fell down on the floor. I am not kidding. I was just sitting in my couch writing and relaxing and bang.
Freaky.
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