Weasel1966

I was thinking about the last few nights.

Earlier excuses that I used to exonerate me from being an alcoholic was that I never felt the need to drink until a certain time of day. Weekdays from 3 till 8. Weekends from 11am till...well.... Until.

Can't be an alcoholic and not drink all the time... So all good here.

The last few nights I sat quiet in my favorite chair with a cat at my legs watching tv and the iPad in hand to read SR from time to time.

Tick-tock tick-tock.

My heart would skip with beats of excitement. My mind would think of excuses to go out of the house.

I forgot to get lottery tickets.

Cat needs food. Poor thing.

If I don't get gas now I will have to do it in the morning and I hate stopping in the morning.

I got up and got ready to go. Shorts on. Sneakers tied. But that was all just in my mind......

I never budged. Not a hair.

The cat turned on his back with belly in the air... ( his name is Henry) and yawned at me.

I said "brother! You said a mouth full Henry!" I agreed....

I got up and went to bed.

Some aspects of sobriety are learned behaviors. I am learning to stay in one spot.

Not every day will be as easy but I will take the ones that are when ever I can get them.

Thought a light hearted view of my recent days in sobriety have been like.

My best to you all in staying sober today and every day.

Ken

freshstart57

The ants in the pants that I had when I was drinking were a combination of worrying about running out of liquor, and this pervasive anxiety and feeling of dread that took more and more vodka to numb. Looking at it this way the first fed off the second and vice versa. Yikes!

Sounds like you are becoming quite mindful and aware of your feelings minute by minute as you journey, Ken. This is a life skill I believe, useful for all sorts of situations. You are also learning to be what I like to call a good sitter stiller. Thanks for the note! *ding*

MyTimeNow

Brilliantly written Ken and oh so true

Weasel1966

I stake no claims of victory or ability.

I simply made it through the last few days by being a bit more focused than normal.

Thanks for the comments.... Maybe I am moving along and I need to accept that. Always believing that I have not accomplished anything is hurtful to the process as well.

Always good to hear from you!

Ken

Live2Run25

Ken. You are son right. I always had to be coming and going.

So glad you are doing well.

lifewithoutbooz

What a terrific post, Ken! My craving time is between 4 pm and 7 pm - usually when my hubby gets home from work and automatically has a drink (well, more than one...). We've both recently quit (on Day 6) but are finding we NEED to get out of the house during the craving time. We go anywhere to kill time - out for a walk, hardware store with an excuse for something we need, etc.

I dream of the day(s) when we can just sit at home and not have that craving - just sit and 'watch Henry flip on his back...' or read a book and just go to bed without a drink. Nice to know that time will one day come.

Thanks again!

desertsong

I love your posts, Ken. Always some great nuggets of truth that I can take with me throughout my day.

You're doing great. Give Henry some belly skritches from me.

Weasel1966

Too funny .... My partner and I have gone out so many nights aimless only to arrive again and again at TCBY frozen yogurt. We are working our way through the toppings. Still less calories than drinking!

DisplacedGRITS

Well said. I remember counting down the the hours. As the evening drew to a close i counted half hours, then quarter hours then by 5 minute increments then by the minute until all the stores were closed and i was safe. I don't remember when the counting stopped. Perhaps it happened in reverse. First i stopped counting the minutes, then the five minutes then the quarter hours and so on. All i know is it eventually stopped. Now the evenings are just evenings and the only countdowns there are are the timer on the oven or when to flip whatever's on the grill.

Anna

Ken, your post is very true.

In my drinking days, I never wanted to just 'be'. In fact, I would do just about anything to avoid just being with myself. One of the most exquisite joys of recovery is that I cherish time to be, to sit, to think and to be alone with myself.