Are they all liars??
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Toronto
Posts: 23
Are they all liars??
Just a general question but I've been reading a lot of the other posts and based on my situation now, I'm starting to think all alcoholics are liars. Is this true? I know you can't really put them all in this category but it just seems like that is one thing they all have in common when it comes to them.
Member
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Memphis, TN
Posts: 2,884
Originally Posted by SW2012 
Just a general question but I've been reading a lot of the other posts and based on my situation now, I'm starting to think all alcoholics are liars. Is this true? I know you can't really put them all in this category but it just seems like that is one thing they all have in common when it comes to them.
Based on what I have read here, yes.
My AW would not only lie about drinking and pills she would lie about the dumbest things, stuff no one would care about. It was really weird.
Your friend,
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Another Earth
Posts: 172
Based on my experience, I would say yes. In my case, my ex lied about pretty much most things, even stuff unrelated to drugs. I don't know if it is the years spent lying to protect the addiction and it just bleeds over into their whole life? If it precedes the addiction and it has to do with other mental issues? Even when he had stretches of not using (I say 'not using' because there is a huge difference in white knuckling it and true recovery), I would catch him lying about such silly things as well as big things. Just my 2 cents.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 6,780
Mine did, & even after he stopped drinking & started working a program lying was a habit he had to consciously work at changing. He had gotten so skilled at it & it had become such a regular "tool" in his "toolbox" that he resorted to it without even realizing it sometimes.
Prior to being an A, he was one of the most honest & straight-forward people I had ever met & this was one of the qualities I loved most about him. It was very painful to experience such a dramatic change.
Prior to being an A, he was one of the most honest & straight-forward people I had ever met & this was one of the qualities I loved most about him. It was very painful to experience such a dramatic change.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Better than where I was
Posts: 267
Originally Posted by m1k3
Based on my experience, yes.
Based on what I have read here, yes.
My AW would not only lie about drinking and pills she would lie about the dumbest things, stuff no one would care about. It was really weird.
Your friend,
Based on what I have read here, yes.
My AW would not only lie about drinking and pills she would lie about the dumbest things, stuff no one would care about. It was really weird.
Your friend,
Living in a Pinkful Place
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 7,545
I believe it's difficult for some one with this disease to be honest with others when they aren't being honest with themselves ~
for our own welfare that is why it is wise to go by actions, not words or best intentions ~
Just my e, s, & h
PINK HUGS,
Rita
for our own welfare that is why it is wise to go by actions, not words or best intentions ~
Just my e, s, & h
PINK HUGS,
Rita
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 3,796
IME, alcoholics lie when they're actively drinking, and all of their lies center around their drinking.
I think it depends on how long they've been active alcoholics though.
Then you have some people who are pathological liars who also happen to be addicts.
I think it depends on how long they've been active alcoholics though.
Then you have some people who are pathological liars who also happen to be addicts.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: right here, right now
Posts: 6,516
What I finally figured out about my AXH was that it wasn't just random lies just for yucks.
It was more like... he lived in an alternate reality.
He is a person of incredibly high moral standards. He's extremely harshly judgmental of absentee fathers, drunks, people who don't walk their talk, hostility, lack of empathy and compassion, racism, and sexism.
Because his alcoholism causes him to repeatedly violate his own high moral standards, he has to create an alternate reality where his behavior has excuses and understandable explanations. Because the alternative would be recognizing that his alcoholism has turned him into everything he detests. And recognizing that would mean he would be forced to draw the conclusion that he needs to stop drinking.
And the addiction protects itself.
That's the insiduosness of this disease.
It protects itself.
So he writes a script for his life where his actions are acceptable because [insert lies, fairy tales, altered reality here]... because the alternative would be too painful to face.
It's not just lies to see if they can get away with it. It's much sadder than that. They actually believe that what they believe (and say) is the truth.
It was more like... he lived in an alternate reality.
He is a person of incredibly high moral standards. He's extremely harshly judgmental of absentee fathers, drunks, people who don't walk their talk, hostility, lack of empathy and compassion, racism, and sexism.
Because his alcoholism causes him to repeatedly violate his own high moral standards, he has to create an alternate reality where his behavior has excuses and understandable explanations. Because the alternative would be recognizing that his alcoholism has turned him into everything he detests. And recognizing that would mean he would be forced to draw the conclusion that he needs to stop drinking.
And the addiction protects itself.
That's the insiduosness of this disease.
It protects itself.
So he writes a script for his life where his actions are acceptable because [insert lies, fairy tales, altered reality here]... because the alternative would be too painful to face.
It's not just lies to see if they can get away with it. It's much sadder than that. They actually believe that what they believe (and say) is the truth.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 2,349
Mine has always had no problem lying. He says it's such a big part of his job that he doesn't think twice about it. I hear him lie to his customers(trying to cover up for mistakes his company made so I guess the whole management team backs him up on these), he lies to his boss, he lies to me about the stupidest stuff. Like yesterday when he said, "Yeah, I went back to my hotel and made a bunch of calls." Umm, I paid the cell phone bill this AM and he didn't have any phone calls made. It's just silly but very natural to him.
His mother said he was a klepto when he was a child. He would steal TV Guides, gum,and candy from stores and she would march him back in and make him confess and humiliate him but he kept doing it and kept lying about it. I honestly believe it's just in his nature and I have no idea if it's related to the alcoholism.
His mother said he was a klepto when he was a child. He would steal TV Guides, gum,and candy from stores and she would march him back in and make him confess and humiliate him but he kept doing it and kept lying about it. I honestly believe it's just in his nature and I have no idea if it's related to the alcoholism.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 146
All the alcoholics I've known lied, and not just about drinking. It seems to become part of who they are after a while. Anytime there was an uncomfortable situation that my XABF didn't want to facet he lied to avoid any kind of feelings that would cause him to feel uncomfortable. I don't think he ever learned how to confront reality and deal with it in a mature way.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: san antonio, TX
Posts: 24
My ExABF used to try to lie, like said before in the other posts he would lie about the most innocent things, I'd ask him where he was with the car and instead of telling me where it was he would ask me 20 questions.lol come to find out he just went to the store to get smokes! He's not a very good liar at all. I think most his lies lasted for a whole 5 min before he just told me the truth. Then he'd tell me the truth and kinda look at me like "what are you gonna do about it huh? huh?" Gosh he was a pain in my butt. haha. In the end though he's still a liar wether he was good at it or not....
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Tx
Posts: 117
YEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !! Lying,from what ive experienced with my XABF, is a way of life for an alcoholic/addict. It keeps them from having to face reality. Ex: XABF said his grandpa got him a job in another town 45mins from where we live cutting grass? WRONG! He was in a completely different city entirely with his ex gf hmmm. Ex #2: I find half naked pics of previously mentioned ex gf in my XABF email, call him over, pull them up on my computer screen to show that ive seen them and he says, "WTF is that!? Someones trying to set me up!" and she was wearing his favorite hat! Helllllooo!! My God hes a f*ckin delu-da-noid! My favorite lie though is, i really dont drink that much. OK! Like many others have said it keeps them from having to face reality. They dont want to know the truth because it would mean owning up and taking responsibility for themselves and my friend, that is the LAST thing they want to do. Why think about what a mess your life has become when theres drinks to be drunk and lies to be told!? Party on!!!
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
