crazybabie

I am working on step 2 and one of the questions is How did your ego drive your attempts to control?

I never thought of myself as having an ego maybe I am not understanding what ego means in this I looked ego up and know people who I feel have an ego I am now confused.
I never thought I had more power than God, although I never handed things totally to God before now either.

Insight anyone?

cece1960

Oh, I thought I was more powerful than anyone or anything when it came to "fixing" my son. I have to admit that I also (deep down) looked forward to the day when my son would walk around telling everyone how he couldn't have done it without his mom's love and support.

I believe in God and I prayed often, but I prayed for guidance on how I could fix him. A little misguided I'd say

I have to say that although my ego was a little inflamed by my thought process, my self esteem was at an all time low. I now think I know my capabilities these days, and that in itself helps to keep both my ego and self esteem at a healthy level.

outonalimb

I wondered about the whole 'ego' concept too.

My self-esteem was at such an all-time low when I hit my bottom and began working the steps that it was damn near impossible for me to see how I could have an 'ego' problem. It just didn't seem possible.

When I worked my 4th step, I began to see how my ego played a role. For years, I thought *I* knew what was best. My husband needed to quit drinking so I could have my husband and marriage back and our son could have his dad back and grow up in an 'in-tact' family. Anything less than this was unacceptable. My prayers to God were all directed at reaching this goal. I would pray that God would show my husband the way to sobriety, that he would show me what I should do or say to be a 'good wife' who might lead him to sobriety.

Ha! I can laugh about it now. Despite years of trying and praying, it didn't happen. Go figure. It wasn't God's will. I don't know what God's will is but it wasn't that my exah would get and stay sober. I had a really hard time accepting this. How could God's will not match up with my own? How could it not match up with the vows I had taken at the alter that I would remain married to this man 'until death do us part'.? I don't know the answer to this question. I might never understand the answer to this question. But I do ACCEPT that this isn't his will. I ACCEPT that he has a different path in mind for me, our son and even my exah. It might not be the path I would have chosen but that's okay. I trust him.

The answer for me is I have to surrender *my* plans and be open to God's plan. In order to do this, I have to surrender my ego so I can be open to HIS will.

Hope this makes sense...???.....

Hugs:ghug3
Mary

HopefulGF65

I feel silly asking this as I'm unfamiliar with the Program and its steps. Is these steps you're referring to part of AA and NA or are there steps for co-dependents? I'm definitely interested.

outonalimb

I just want to add...

I do know part of God's will...if not all of it. I believe it is God's will that I have a peaceful life and that our son grow up in a healthy, peaceful and stable home. I've managed to do this...but only by letting go of MY plans for my exah. I let him go to do what he will with his life. It's between him and God. Maybe some day he will find sobriety and health. I pray that he does. The only thing I do know for sure is that God is with me and that I am really trying to be open to his will for me even if I don't always know what it is.

Chino

Ego is sense of self, awareness. I am me. Everyone develops it unless they have brain disorders, disease, dysfunction. My ego is out of control every time I attempt to control others. My ego is for me. Others have their own egos unless something is organically wrong with them.

Hopeful, there's a 12 step forum below this one

HopefulGF65

Thank you Chino...I don't know how I missed that!

aasharon90

I have to remember that I am just one
small piece of the puzzle amongst many.
It take many to make a pretty picture
and me as a small piece is ok.

Soooo, my ego has to be squashed from
time to time to remain humble in all I do.

Thank you for the reminder.

PrayingMama

What cece1960 said.

crazybabie

I can relate to that my self esteem is terrible right now and I use to pray that God would let AH see he needs help and I prayed that God guide me in what I needed to do is this Ego?

crazybabie

Basically the same for the groups I think in my case I am doing Families Anonymous.
By the way the only silly question IMO is the one we do not ask.

oooopps

This made me think about the source of our self-esteem. It should built from accomplishing things for ourselves and working on ourselves and not from controlling the behaviors of other people and expecting them to conform to our ideas of "how things should be."

lesliej

this is part of the way I have reflected on ego through the process of recovery.

we are born as little beautiful selves/spirits and we are born into a large group of other selves/spirits...and we have to kind of figure out a way to survive as individuals while remaining part of the whole...it comes down to creating somewhat of a shell that acts as a boundary/meeting place between self and other.

this shell/boundary/membrane/skin/ego...whatever you want to call it is formed as we grow, we learn to develop it through all of the interactions we have: family, school, playground, etc. how we treat/reflect/respond/understand/engage/learn/get hurt etc etc, that becomes more and more of how we "define ourselves"

we still remain the individual self that we were born as, but sometimes the ego, the shell..the skin, becomes over or under developed...thru sometimes unfortunate circumstances like being born into a dysfunctional heritage, or being born with something people ridicule...or such (and of course sometimes overt beauty/talent/smarts and all of the, perhaps unhealthy, responses to it result in an over developed ego as well)

so...in looking back at life, through the process of recovery, we look at the ways that our ego tried to defend/protect us. often it is in somewhat distorted ways and the biggest distortion is FEAR!

fear that we weren't going to get what we want, fear that others would judge us, fear that we weren't loved enough...etc etc

so the EGO isn't inherently a bad thing. it just is a part of us that is very vulnerable to distortion. it is also a very useful tool in recovery because if our ego is hurt then we have a clue and can often know where to look, deep within, to help understand why it is hurting. often there is a pattern that we can start to see, the pattern of our SELF and the EGO that protects that self.

if the ego is damaged distorted it can become like a restricting mask...constricting, lying, secretive, leading toward pathology

this is why healthy relationships are so important...our egos reflect off of one another and the attachment between egos can spread unhealthy enmeshment and loss of self

crazybabie

Thanks for posting that because I was considering doing a self esteem post to see how others built theirs back up.

crazybabie

Thanks, leslie that makes a lot of sense i believe I can work on that question now I want too be as honest as I can when doing the exercises and this one had me stuck.