RJG

My husband went to detox today. We have been married for 2 years and have a 22 month old daughter. He has been taking pain meds (vics and percs) for about a year and a half now. He has tried quitting at least a dozen times. He usually lasts a few days and then is back taking them. He will lie to me about taking them, until he tries to quit again and can't hide the withdrawals. He works construction and it sounds like pain pills are everywhere on his job sites. He does have carpal tunnel in both hands and a vertebrae problem in his neck, so sometimes he will go to the emergency room to get a prescription. Other times guys on his job give him some, he gets them from his mom, or he takes out cash and buys them illegally.

It has been really hard because he hasn't been himself. He isn't nice to me unless he is taking the pills, and will constantly make me feel bad about myself and will accuse me of only thinking about myself, when he is always the selfish one. He will sometimes blame me for being addicted to the pills. I feel like I can't trust him with our daughter. One time when I had to go to the car dealership he was home with our daughter who was sleeping, and he was mad it took me so long because he couldn't go to the store. He ended up leaving the house, with my daughter napping in her crib, to go to the convenience store to get tobacco and a red bull. I found this out because I caught him in a lie. He admitted it, but said it wouldn't happen again.

Every time he "quits" he promises me he is all done for good and that he wants to do this for our family. But what if he is taking the pills again after detox? What am I supposed to do? I love him but I can't take much more of this. I have had to be responsible for everything. We both work, but I pay the bills, clean, do 90% of the childcare with our daughter, laundry, cook, etc. etc. I felt so relieved after he left today, that it made me feel guilty. It is so nice to not have him here being controlling, it is like a weight lifted off my shoulders. I can finally do what I want for a change and not what he wants. Is that normal? He is planning to spend 3-5 days at detox. I just hope this is really the end of it...Any advice would be appreciated.

Ann

Welcome, RJG.

I'm sorry for your situation, sadly it's one we know well here. My son is an addict and I know how fearful I used to be even when he was clean because it was like waiting for the other shoe to fall.

What helped me, and so many here was going to meetings and learning to work a 12-step program. Al-anon, Nar-anon and CoDA are three similar fellowships that are about us and that help us regain our balance and learn to live well...regardless of how our addicted loved ones do. Not all members here go, there are many ways to find your solutions, so take a read around and see what you think may work for you.

I hope detox is the beginning of better days ahead for you both. Just know that you can make some good choices that will help you in days ahead.

Hugs

kmangel

It is going to take a lot of commitment on your husband's part to do the necessary work required to overcome his addiction. Three to five days of detox is not going to cut it IMO. My son went to rehab a year ago for a month and for the first three weeks he was extremely agitated and uncomfortable. It wasn't until the fourth week that he began to feel somewhat normal again. What plans does your husband have after detox? If none, then I think you have more of the same ahead of you.

RJG

He doesn't have any set plans, but I am hoping his days in detox will allow him to get some help and put him in the right direction. He wants to be done with the pills, it makes him so upset because he feels like they have taken him over. What should I do/encourage him to do when he gets home?

kmangel

Your husband needs professional help to detox (minimum one month, better three months or longer) and then ongoing help for a good year or longer to relearn how to live without drugs. Is he willing to do that?

You need help, too. There are groups for loved ones of addicts. It would be good for you to seek one out and begin attending.

SeekingGrowth

RJG, from everything I've read and learned about addiction to opiates - from several rehab programs, addiction counselors, addicts, and SR (I had a heroin-addicted son) - I'd say your husband needs to be in some kind of solid recovery program when he gets finished with detox. A five day detox will probably get him over the worst of the physical withdrawal symptoms, but not all, and won't even make a dent in the mental withdrawal and cravings. He'll likely have insomnia for quite some time. He should at least do an Intensive Outpatient Program, which usually runs three to five weeks, and then NA (or something similar) for a long time to come. My son was in two 12-day in-patient rehab programs, and both asked him to commit to "90 meetings in 90 days" when he was released. He didn't do it, and was back to using within 48 hours of release both times.

This is not some minor thing, where you can just "detox" for five days and be done with it. Opiate addiction is a big deal and it takes a lot of work over a long period of time to achieve recovery. Its unlikely that he'll be able to do it by himself, without a recovery community like NA to help him through.

bmjatown1717

First off, so sorry you're going through this. Like the others said, make sure he has some aftercare in place. I detoxed from alcohol for 5 days, and left with a few phone numbers for outpatient programs, but nothing in place. I was back in detox in less than a week, even worse than I had been. When i can out the second time, I started an outpatient program the next day and now I am 15 days sober and feeling great. It is SO important that he have this set up before he leaves detox.