mds1212

I am pretty new to the program- about 45 days. Recently I saw a fellow AA member at a resturaunt having dinner with his family. I realy like this guy and have had a few chats with after the meetings. I know he has been sober for over 10 years but I do not know how public he is about his sobriety. I said hello at the resturaunt and when I saw him at our next meeting I got a bad vibe. I tried to catch him after the nmeeting but I missed him. Did I mess up by saying hello in a public place?

endlesspatience

I always say hello to other AA people if I see them around town. But it's normally just a wave and a smile and perhaps a "how are you doing?" then I move on. We can always chat on the phone or in the room.

Live2Run25

Maybe so. Some people there are probably completely annoyomous and haven't even told thier spouses.. I personally wouldn't say hi to someone unless they did first. But I would try and talk to them and feel them out, if they are upset, just let them know you are new at this, and didn't know.

Misguidedsoul

Hi mds1212

I haven't been to AA myself, so I don't know if there are protocols about what to do when seeing people outside of the meetings, perhaps you could talk to him at the next meeting and ask if you saying hi was wrong ? ... perhaps other members here will have a better perspective on this than me...but please don't feel guilty or bad about this, you were just trying to be friendly..something this world could do with a lot more of

GiGi13

If it was a mistake, it was an honest mistake.... I've yet to go to a meeting but know allot about them...my advice..many people do NOT want to be known...thats why its ANONYMOUS...i would refrain from saying hello to anyone you see outside a meeting unless they say its ok... perhaps his family didnt know and im sure he got questions like "how do you know that person" and maybe had to lie to cover it up...dont beat youself up about it..when opportunity presents itself..just talk to him, apologize and explain...im sure he will understand....

be well

PaperDolls

This would be a great thread in the AA forum.

In my experience, each time is different. Most of the time I can tell my their body language or look on their face if I should say hi. A simple "hello" can't hurt, you'd do that for a stranger wouldn't you?

Talk to the guy and explain how you're feeling. Tell him you apologize if you offended him and it wasn't your intention. If he's been around for 10 years, he'll have an opinion to share with you about the topic.

Mark75

Second that.

Elisabeth888

I say see other AAs a lot around town (small ). I always say hey and no one has ever gotten mad at me. I don't say "Hey alcoholic, how are you doing?"

I would not be jazzed about explaining who they are if they are out drunk making a jack ass out of themselves.

tomsteve

welp, yer pretty new, but come on, we arent a secret cult!! theres not any reason to even mention a thing about AA or recovery.
what did your sponsor say about it?
its not that anonymous and you will learn that as you start understanding the traditions. if AA comes up and they have a spouse with em who doesnt know a thing about it, they got a real problem considering the part of honesty being pretty vital for recovery.

Sapling

It's their second post...I'd guess it would be fair to ask here. Welcome to SR MDS1212...Don't worry too much about it...Talk to him after a meeting...Be honest about how you feel...Pray on it before...I'll bet you everything works out fine.I have to agree with Tom...If he's lying to his wife about going to meetings...I'd love to know where he tells her he's going.

IndaMiricale

Dont over think just wait till you talk to him

I personally say hi to all AA's in public, I dont wear a badge that says why I am saying hi. Its just a hello.

oh2exhale

"Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: What! You too? I thought I was the only one."-C.S. Lewis

OklaBH

maybe he was drinking and was afraid you saw him. maybe his family doesnt know he goes.
talk to your sponsor. i really dont think saying "hi" could be construed as offensive. some people I just dont know about though.

wow04

I couldn't imagine not saying hello to a fellow AA member. When I see them out it is a simple Hello and we move on.

Innerchild

Elizabeth you made me laugh. I dont see the problem with it. If I see someone outside the rooms I will say hello and I dont mind anyone saying hello to me either. I have many AA members on my FB. Its not like the public can tell we have Alcoholic written across our foreheads. Maybe he was having a bad day at that particular meeting if he is sober ten years it shouldnt phase him.

miamifella

When I was in 12-step programs, people generally did not acknowledge me when we saw each other elsewhere. Now that I am not a member, they do say hello. That made me think there must be some protocall that I am unaware of.

Elisabeth888

I think some people are just weird in general.

SeekSobriety

Your post reminds me of my own "inner thoughts"
For me I know I over analyze everything! Especially when I was new to sobriety and 12 Step meetings.

What I would do is talk to him in private and tell him That you are new around here and thought after saying hi to him the other day that you might have offended him. It has been on your mind and that was certainly not your intention. That way you give him a chance to let you know If it was "all in your head" or if perhaps he is private and would rather maintain total secrecy and non public interaction (which in my experience I have never personally encountered)

9 times out of 10 my insecurities and self doubts are not based on reality. Sometimes I think I can read peoples minds and I will jump to conclusions about a situation or interaction that is completely only in my head and not true.

I think dealing with a small issue early on really helps me defuse the stress and keeps me from getting worked up and thinking about Wantin to escape to drink. For me I know if I try to give each other the benefit of the doubt before I judge what we think they are feeling I know I would save myself alot of heartache

Sapling

Why do we do this?....It has to be a part of the disease.