My first post here...looking for any help at all...
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Georgia
Posts: 1
My first post here...looking for any help at all...
I am a 36 year old teacher. I have been married to a wonderful man for 4 years. We have not yet been able to have a baby. My mom has been basically another full time job for me.
My mom has been an addict for many, many years. (I could go on and on about all the lies, stealing, manipulation, etc) She has been in rehab repeatedly. She got a DUI in Feb. 2011 then violated her probation by leaving the state, country, abusing prescription pills, drinking, and showing up to community service high. She became violent with me when I tried to take her pills from her back in February of this year and I had to call 911. She was admitted involuntarily into rehab again. She then went to a recovery program which was VERY expensive and drained most of her money. The first opportunity that she had leave (for Mother's Day) she went directly to a pill mill and obtained 180 pain killers, anti-anxiety, and muscle relaxers. She went back to the rehab campus and failed 2 drug tests. The treatment team told her that due to her relapse she would need to stay in treatment longer and re-look at her plan. That night she left (AWOL) and went to the assisted living facility we had already moved her things into (she cannot live alone). I contacted her attorney as he had been representing her in court during rehab and the court was satisfied that she was there. She went to meet with her attorney the day after she left treatment and he called me while she was in his office and told me she was high and he didn't feel she should drive. My husband had to go and get her. I haven't spoken to her since but her lawyer tells me that the probation officer wants her dropped but that "they" (I am assuming the court) will want her in treatment. She lives in GA but we'd like her to go receive treatment in North Carolina where my brother lives away from a lot of her "resources" locally.
Basically, I don't want anything to do with her yet I am still in codependent mode. It has caused me to be very depressed, anxious, sleepless, and I am drinking wine every night...sometimes a lot of it. My husband does too as we are also dealing with his mom's cancer. I am just at a loss.
My mom has been an addict for many, many years. (I could go on and on about all the lies, stealing, manipulation, etc) She has been in rehab repeatedly. She got a DUI in Feb. 2011 then violated her probation by leaving the state, country, abusing prescription pills, drinking, and showing up to community service high. She became violent with me when I tried to take her pills from her back in February of this year and I had to call 911. She was admitted involuntarily into rehab again. She then went to a recovery program which was VERY expensive and drained most of her money. The first opportunity that she had leave (for Mother's Day) she went directly to a pill mill and obtained 180 pain killers, anti-anxiety, and muscle relaxers. She went back to the rehab campus and failed 2 drug tests. The treatment team told her that due to her relapse she would need to stay in treatment longer and re-look at her plan. That night she left (AWOL) and went to the assisted living facility we had already moved her things into (she cannot live alone). I contacted her attorney as he had been representing her in court during rehab and the court was satisfied that she was there. She went to meet with her attorney the day after she left treatment and he called me while she was in his office and told me she was high and he didn't feel she should drive. My husband had to go and get her. I haven't spoken to her since but her lawyer tells me that the probation officer wants her dropped but that "they" (I am assuming the court) will want her in treatment. She lives in GA but we'd like her to go receive treatment in North Carolina where my brother lives away from a lot of her "resources" locally.
Basically, I don't want anything to do with her yet I am still in codependent mode. It has caused me to be very depressed, anxious, sleepless, and I am drinking wine every night...sometimes a lot of it. My husband does too as we are also dealing with his mom's cancer. I am just at a loss.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: New York
Posts: 96
Well first of all welcome to SR!! its a big step and I think you may find allot of enlightenment and help here...the people here are just wonderful.
Im sorry for your situation as it cannot be easy im sure... one thing i would say is... STOP DRINKING..you yourself, and your husband will wind up with your own addiction while trying to figure out how to help your mother with hers... drinking is not an answer...it does NOT kill nor dull the pain..it truly complicates it... you need to keep a clear head... always remember... as much as it may pain you...a person can only get help when "they" are ready to. Have you tried alanon? Its a program for family members dealing with someone who has an addiction.. there are many support groups on this site that you can check out..some of their stories may be of help to you as well as their support....
stay strong dear... there is ALWAYS light at the end of the tunnel!!!
Im sorry for your situation as it cannot be easy im sure... one thing i would say is... STOP DRINKING..you yourself, and your husband will wind up with your own addiction while trying to figure out how to help your mother with hers... drinking is not an answer...it does NOT kill nor dull the pain..it truly complicates it... you need to keep a clear head... always remember... as much as it may pain you...a person can only get help when "they" are ready to. Have you tried alanon? Its a program for family members dealing with someone who has an addiction.. there are many support groups on this site that you can check out..some of their stories may be of help to you as well as their support....
stay strong dear... there is ALWAYS light at the end of the tunnel!!!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Canada. About as far south as you can get
Posts: 4,768
Georgia, I recommend AA for your drinking and Al-Anon for your co-dependance.
You need face2face help and input (options) and encouragement.
Your plate is quite full... don't put any more on it yourself.
I wish you the best.
Bob R
You need face2face help and input (options) and encouragement.
Your plate is quite full... don't put any more on it yourself.
I wish you the best.
Bob R
Run to live... live to run
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Western Maryland
Posts: 1,091
Don't be addicted to the addict. This is something they told me this weekend when I visited my dad in rehab. She clearly does not want help. You know that saying "you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink" ? It sounds to me that she doesn't want help. Sadly enough she will have to come to terms with it on her own. You can't develop your own addiction because of her. Take a step back and get your life in order.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,497
I hope you will check out AlAnon as a support system for you.
Also, we have a Friends & Families forum on this message board where you will find lots of information and support, too.
Also, we have a Friends & Families forum on this message board where you will find lots of information and support, too.
I looked like that holdin beer
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 627
What helps me the most is when I have to take responsibility for myself and suffer myself if I mess up. You should probably stop helping your mom and just not talk to her till she is sober(if that ever happens)
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,431
Welcome Georgia 
The most important thing always is to keep your own well being in mind.
I know this is a stressful situation but drinking wine won't solve it - it may end up contributing to an even worse situation.
Supports very important & a way better way to deal with all of this
I really hope you'll check out AlAnon - or at least visit our Friends and Family forums here.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/friends-family-substance-abusers
Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
D
The most important thing always is to keep your own well being in mind.
I know this is a stressful situation but drinking wine won't solve it - it may end up contributing to an even worse situation.
Supports very important & a way better way to deal with all of this
I really hope you'll check out AlAnon - or at least visit our Friends and Family forums here.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/friends-family-substance-abusers
Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
D
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((Georgia))) - Welcome to SR!! I'm another Ga gal. I'm both an RA and a codie who has loved ones who are active A's (addicts/alcoholics). SR has been a HUGE support system for me. I found I wasn't alone, and neither are you
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Powerless over Alcohol
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Trudging the Road to Happy Destiny!
Posts: 4,018
Originally Posted by 2granddaughters 
Georgia, I recommend AA for your drinking and Al-Anon for your co-dependance.
You need face2face help and input (options) and encouragement.
Your plate is quite full... don't put any more on it yourself.
I wish you the best.
Bob R
You need face2face help and input (options) and encouragement.
Your plate is quite full... don't put any more on it yourself.
I wish you the best.
Bob R
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