experiences of dinking and then becoming sober
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Join Date: Jun 2012
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experiences of dinking and then becoming sober
hi someone made a point that i should make my own thread. i have excruciating anxiety whilst im awaiting detox. was even at A +E tongiht as it got really bad(went dizzy, trembling felt like i was going to pass out, i believe i had what is known as derealization or deprsonalisation) but they sent me away wth no help. even my 9 year old son seen what was happening to me and he told me he was scared with what i was telling the person over the phone and tonight he is sleeping at his nanas as i cant have him seeing me like this. i would just like to know how youse guys felt whilst drinking ie anxiety/withdraxl feelings, and how you feel now you dont drink. anyone that hasnt stopped yet and is waiting for detox like me please share your feelings aswell as it helps me so much knowing im not alone. im not asking for medical help just want to hear stories from people have been at rock bottom like me and are trying to overcome it or who have managed to overcome it and are living a much happier life without drink. i know for definate once i get detox i will never drink again as i will never ever allow myself to rwch this point gain and like i said in previous post i have a 9 year old son who has had to put up with me being drunk since he was born so i want to spend the rest of my life making it up to him. i also have a 2 year old and i am not allowing to let him grow up around me drinking all the time like i have with my 9 year old. failure isnt even a strong enough word for how i feel about the way i have been with my children
Trudger of Happy Destiny
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Naperville, IL
Posts: 1,918
I just replied to your other thread but here goes.
It is like night/day from drinking (or using, in my case) to now. I already suffered massively from depression and anxiety, but substances in general made it 100x worse, never better over time. I don't know what came first, but they definitely played off one another in a major way near the end.
I can't supply much medical information, but detoxing can vary greatly from person to person. It's generally pretty unpleasant. The anxiety and depression will pass. Unfortunately, the only real antidote is time. The human body is very resilient and can usually bounce back.
Now that you've made a decision to live more healthy, try looking into positive activities that can replace your past substance use. Support groups are a great place to start. You will find thousands of other people who know exactly what you are going through. Very importantly, do not think of yourself right now as completely defeated. You are doing something extremely courageous and admirable.
ONLY good things can come from this. I'm not saying it's going to be easy, but as others have told me, if you put half as much effort into recovery as you did into using, success shouldn't be that hard to come by.
Let me know if there is anything I can do to help.
God Bless,
William
It is like night/day from drinking (or using, in my case) to now. I already suffered massively from depression and anxiety, but substances in general made it 100x worse, never better over time. I don't know what came first, but they definitely played off one another in a major way near the end.
I can't supply much medical information, but detoxing can vary greatly from person to person. It's generally pretty unpleasant. The anxiety and depression will pass. Unfortunately, the only real antidote is time. The human body is very resilient and can usually bounce back.
Now that you've made a decision to live more healthy, try looking into positive activities that can replace your past substance use. Support groups are a great place to start. You will find thousands of other people who know exactly what you are going through. Very importantly, do not think of yourself right now as completely defeated. You are doing something extremely courageous and admirable.
ONLY good things can come from this. I'm not saying it's going to be easy, but as others have told me, if you put half as much effort into recovery as you did into using, success shouldn't be that hard to come by.
Let me know if there is anything I can do to help.
God Bless,
William
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Location: Upstate New York
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sharp - please try not dwell on the past. Of course we all regret things we've done (or not done), but we didn't intentionally hurt those we love. You can have a new start with your family, and all your 9 yr. old will remember is the new you - the one he can count on.
As for the anxiety - I went through hell with mine. What your going through is normal. My skin was crawling & itching, I was seeing things, I had to keep pacing because I was so on edge and nervous. Hot/cold/chills/fever. I didn't know what to do with myself for a couple of days, but it all ended - and we never have to go back there again!
Congratulations on reaching out for a new life - you can do this, sharp. Everything will get better as the days go by, and you'll be free.
As for the anxiety - I went through hell with mine. What your going through is normal. My skin was crawling & itching, I was seeing things, I had to keep pacing because I was so on edge and nervous. Hot/cold/chills/fever. I didn't know what to do with myself for a couple of days, but it all ended - and we never have to go back there again!
Congratulations on reaching out for a new life - you can do this, sharp. Everything will get better as the days go by, and you'll be free.
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Join Date: Jun 2012
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i love them last words "if i put half much effort into recovery etc" personality wise i keep myself to myself, cant stick to anything i want to do, always quit whilst im ahead but im fighting this as hard as i can and i KNOW once detoxed i wont even look back and think i want to have another drink. iv never felt so strongly about anything in my life except the love for my children and the 2 combined will help me defeat this evil bastuard lol
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Hevyn when i had my panic attack tonight i start pacing the house as i felt it helped, i felt if i stayed in 1 place it would make it worse. the medical services where asking loads of questions and one was are you able to move around and my response was"well im bloody pacing my floor shaking and trembling" lol
Trudger of Happy Destiny
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Naperville, IL
Posts: 1,918
Originally Posted by sharp75 
Hevyn when i had my panic attack tonight i start pacing the house as i felt it helped, i felt if i stayed in 1 place it would make it worse. the medical services where asking loads of questions and one was are you able to move around and my response was"well im bloody pacing my floor shaking and trembling" lol
When I detoxed (in a hospital setting) last January I couldn't sit still either. Mine were so bad that I didn't sleep more than 5-6 hours over a two week period.As it's been told to me many times before, "This too, shall pass." Give yourself some time to heal and take it easy. I know it's easier said than done. You will get through this.
You will emerge a completely different person. More confident than you could ever know. These life experiences can help countless more, if you let them.
William
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
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welp, when i was a practicing drunk, one of the reasons/excuses was anxiety. never really helped it though. it was still there, just with a lot of liquid depressant added to my body.
it was desperation that got me into recovery. it was get sober or kill myself. i hated myself that much.
i encountered a lot of anxiety in early recovery, but i knew alcohol wasnt gonna get rid of it and i sure didnt want to go to the doctor and get on any meds. so, through the fellowship of AA, i learned what ankiety was-A feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease, typically about an imminent event or something with an uncertain outcome.
so anxiety was how i was showing one of the many faces of fear. then i learned how to deal with it.
failure pretty much sims up how i felt about myself when i got into AA. hopeless, helpless, uselss, and worthless. through working the steps then practicing the principles in all of my affairs, i now have hope,use, worth, and can help others. it has been an awesome journey and well worth the fight to get sober.but once i got sober, staying sober has been pretty easy.
it was desperation that got me into recovery. it was get sober or kill myself. i hated myself that much.
i encountered a lot of anxiety in early recovery, but i knew alcohol wasnt gonna get rid of it and i sure didnt want to go to the doctor and get on any meds. so, through the fellowship of AA, i learned what ankiety was-A feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease, typically about an imminent event or something with an uncertain outcome.
so anxiety was how i was showing one of the many faces of fear. then i learned how to deal with it.
failure pretty much sims up how i felt about myself when i got into AA. hopeless, helpless, uselss, and worthless. through working the steps then practicing the principles in all of my affairs, i now have hope,use, worth, and can help others. it has been an awesome journey and well worth the fight to get sober.but once i got sober, staying sober has been pretty easy.
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Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 277
Hey sharp,
You are not alone! Be strong, and I can only say, as the others before me have, it will pass.
I went through withdrawal at home after my generally 3-10 day binges many, many times in the past 5 years. Not a good idea in general. My experience was intense, almost unbearable anxiety. I paced and paced and paced; could not sit still at all; had to be on the phone talking to someone almost every minute of the day. Felt like I was wearing a track in our hardwood floors. Being alone (before AA and SR) was torture. Once I ran out of the house and walked the neighborhood for around three hours, never stopping. After my last (and I hope final) bender I went to the ER (A+E) and just told them I was in a dangerous alcohol withdrawal. They admitted me right away and gave me meds to help the anxiety, etc. Going it solo is brutal and very risky. Being insistent and letting them know that you are not having "merely" a panic/anxiety attack but an alcohol-related withdrawal issue may help.
Keep posting--talking to others definitely helps. After my detox, out of the hospital, I was still a sweaty anxious mess. I went to an AA meeting that very day, and while that may not be a path you choose, for me it gave palpable relief to my anxiety. So stay in contact with folks as much as possible. Have courage, you will get through it!
You're in my prayers, friend. :ghug3
You are not alone! Be strong, and I can only say, as the others before me have, it will pass.
I went through withdrawal at home after my generally 3-10 day binges many, many times in the past 5 years. Not a good idea in general. My experience was intense, almost unbearable anxiety. I paced and paced and paced; could not sit still at all; had to be on the phone talking to someone almost every minute of the day. Felt like I was wearing a track in our hardwood floors. Being alone (before AA and SR) was torture. Once I ran out of the house and walked the neighborhood for around three hours, never stopping. After my last (and I hope final) bender I went to the ER (A+E) and just told them I was in a dangerous alcohol withdrawal. They admitted me right away and gave me meds to help the anxiety, etc. Going it solo is brutal and very risky. Being insistent and letting them know that you are not having "merely" a panic/anxiety attack but an alcohol-related withdrawal issue may help.
Keep posting--talking to others definitely helps. After my detox, out of the hospital, I was still a sweaty anxious mess. I went to an AA meeting that very day, and while that may not be a path you choose, for me it gave palpable relief to my anxiety. So stay in contact with folks as much as possible. Have courage, you will get through it!
You're in my prayers, friend. :ghug3
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Join Date: Oct 2007
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I wrote a whole big thing and lost it agh.
Anyway I have been where you are. Feeling the horror of my reality but then diving back into the bottle because the truth of my awfulness was just too much to bear. My children. My beautiful children whose lives I was ruining. Would my son find a nice woman 30 years in the future who would hold his sobbing body in the middle of the night as he told her about that scared little boy with a shity, drunken excuse for a mother?
Sober life is amazing. Please believe me when I say
1. You cannot drink, ever. Your life depends on that.
2. learning how to live, sober is not easy but it's AMAZING.
Take all the help you can get and celebrate every sober day. You're in the fight of your life but you'll never regret taking your life back!!!
Anyway I have been where you are. Feeling the horror of my reality but then diving back into the bottle because the truth of my awfulness was just too much to bear. My children. My beautiful children whose lives I was ruining. Would my son find a nice woman 30 years in the future who would hold his sobbing body in the middle of the night as he told her about that scared little boy with a shity, drunken excuse for a mother?
Sober life is amazing. Please believe me when I say
1. You cannot drink, ever. Your life depends on that.
2. learning how to live, sober is not easy but it's AMAZING.
Take all the help you can get and celebrate every sober day. You're in the fight of your life but you'll never regret taking your life back!!!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 181
Oinobares my anxiety is really excruciating, today i sat most of the morning in the garden taking deep breaths. i was finding excuses to phone people and when i wasnt on the phone to anyone i was sat staring at the black screen and making patterns on the screen with my greasy fingerprints whilst thinkiing what to do next lol. i went to see the alcohol team today and iv been made to wait another week for another review and im not going to get to see a doctor (the person who will give the go ahead for detox) til the 12th july. its horrendous but im gonna start attending meetings to hopefully make the weeks more bearable.
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Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 277
Sharp, sorry you are having it so rough. I know that it is horrible. As for the anxiety, keep yourself busy with lots of small tasks. Take out the trash, wash the dishes, sweep the floor, clean up a room. Take walks. Talk to people as much as possible. Watching funny movies is always good--laughter does wonders.
I'm not entirely sure why they have you waiting so much, or how much or if you are still drinking, or if this is a "cold turkey" situation. If you are feeling desperate and that you are in danger, go right back to A+E and tell them you need help immediately, and tell them honestly why. I walked into an ER and said these words: "I am in acute alcohol withdrawal." They took me right away. Not sure how it works there, but in the US anyways, if you tell medical personnel you are having withdrawal they know precisely how dangerous it can be and will take care of you. Other than that I can send my prayers and best wishes and encourage you to stay strong and be assured that the anxiety will gradually diminish.
You are going to make it!!
I'm not entirely sure why they have you waiting so much, or how much or if you are still drinking, or if this is a "cold turkey" situation. If you are feeling desperate and that you are in danger, go right back to A+E and tell them you need help immediately, and tell them honestly why. I walked into an ER and said these words: "I am in acute alcohol withdrawal." They took me right away. Not sure how it works there, but in the US anyways, if you tell medical personnel you are having withdrawal they know precisely how dangerous it can be and will take care of you. Other than that I can send my prayers and best wishes and encourage you to stay strong and be assured that the anxiety will gradually diminish.
You are going to make it!!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 181
iv been made to wait around as its government funded so i have to wait for the go ahead. iv explained to the alcohol team that i only drink on a night and i panic allday everyday and she said that i panic because i dont drink through the day and cram all my drinking into the nightime whereas people that drink through the day will spread their drink out throughout the day. im really fed up with the waiting game and thought she was just being a bitch making me wait but i now know that shes actully powerless to send me unless i follow all procedures.
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Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Sussex, England
Posts: 945
Hi again 
NHS is free, and there are alot of people around with illnessess that haven't been
self-inflicted.
Its not what we want to hear, but having anxiety, although it is horrible
(I get de-realisation... scary $hit!) and I repeat it IS horrible
there are procedures that NHS have to go through.
Unfortunately for me, I was at deaths door last year, so needed
a speedy detox and re-nutrition through a tube up my nose.
They have sent you home from A&E, but you are in your right to back to A&E anytime, but they are only a medical patch-up department.
Make an appointment with your doctor to talk about your anxiety if you are worried
NHS is free, and there are alot of people around with illnessess that haven't been
self-inflicted.
Its not what we want to hear, but having anxiety, although it is horrible
(I get de-realisation... scary $hit!) and I repeat it IS horrible
there are procedures that NHS have to go through.
Unfortunately for me, I was at deaths door last year, so needed
a speedy detox and re-nutrition through a tube up my nose.
They have sent you home from A&E, but you are in your right to back to A&E anytime, but they are only a medical patch-up department.
Make an appointment with your doctor to talk about your anxiety if you are worried
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 181
iv arranged for a phone call from my doctor so hes calling me tomorrow so im gona ask if theres anything he can give me whilst i wait as the alcohol team arent doctors, they just refer people. funny you mentioned de realistion as after my panic attack last night i couldnt explain properly what the feeling was (it was like i disconnected from my body for a moment then felt a cold electric feeling went right through my body and i finally snapped out of it and jumped out of the chair and start pacing the floor) so i looked up anxiety symptoms last night and realised that my symptoms where that of de realisation or depersonalisation
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Sussex, England
Posts: 945
Yes de-realisation is a very hard one to explain. But I think its the most scary of the anxiety symptoms. I have probably had it about 10 times in my life, once experienced, never forgotten, but (touch wood) never since I've been sober! I do however, have a fear that I may have another one which is not useful. I also sometimes 'zone out' for a split second. I don't like that much either. Its easy to wind yourself up into such an anxious stress-ball, it is hard to break the cycle... My main relaxent is comedy... that helps alot. Its an old cliche...'laughter is the best medicine' but I find it to be true. I suppose you could say that is my higher power!
I hope all is going well today sharp. Let us know how you are doing x
I hope all is going well today sharp. Let us know how you are doing x
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