mdks

My father-in-law has used drugs/alcohol for a # of years (I don't really know how many). I married into the family a few years ago and recently there have been new (or probably just newly found out) problems. No one else in the family seems to address it. When something comes up (like he uses or someone finds paraphanelia), everyone freaks out then goes on acting like nothing has happened. His kids converse with him about it over email or text, but not face to face. People in the family say "Oh we've tried everything, what else can we do" or "Why doesn't he just stop. Its a simple decision".

As far as I know, they haven't tried much. And I KNOW its not a "simple decision" to stop. I also know I can't change him or make him stop, but isn't there something I can be doing? There must be something we should be doing as a family instead of just ignoring it. My husband is his only child that lives in town and my in laws are an intregal part of our lives. Any ideas?

mdks

No, I've never seen him like that. I only hear about it after the fact. In reality, it hasn't really affected me at all (besides seeing my husband be upset or having my mother in law stay with us for short periods of times).

fourmaggie

if you want...i would start by going to a NAR ANON or AL ANON meeting...

this DOES effect the family and the disease is a SECRET the hidden gem of the family...or in some cases denial....

your smart...you are an outsider and can see in....

why not start there...and everyone else will benefit also...including you husband HIS SON...we call that ADULT CHILD OF AN ADDICT/ALCOHOLIC..

glad you found SR we have so much literature and topics of this crazy disease...

read what you can, and all the forums...or STICKIES...lots to learn...

mdks

thanks!

SadHeart

There is nothing you can do about it. All you can do is set boundaries for your family. If having your MIL stay with you is a problem, you can stop that, and if seeing your husband upset upsets you you can recommend he get counseling or if he won't and insists on upseting you with his father's problems, you can put the boundary that you won't listen to complaints about his father.

But if it's not interfering with your life, you have to remember he has the right to live his life the way he wants. You have the right to limit the impact of his choices on your life. You don't have the right to make choices for him or to 'fix' him.