KRA

I moved out of the apt I shared with my now xagf less than a week ago. She had been verbally abusive for some time, but became physical so I just grabbed what I could, put it in a laundry bag, packed up the cat, and walked out.

I was planning to leave her when the lease was up, which is not for several months, but felt unsafe and couldn't live there any more. I rented a safe deposit box several months ago for my photos and important documents so am ok on that front. But I pretty much left mostly everything else behind. The things I left behind, clothes, books, and electronics, are things that I want to have, not things that I need. I could eventually replace them, but not for a while since I donn have the $. Is it worth trying to get back into the apt when I think my gf isn't home to get my stuff? She would react very negatively if I accidently walked in the apt when she was there.

Also she broke my computer on a binge a few months ago, but then bought me a replacement. In the past she has said that if I ever tried to take it, she would tell the police I stole it and that they would believe her because she had the receipt. She sent me a text message saying I could have it. Is it worth the risk of trying to get it or do you thInk she's trying to set me up for something. I want the computer since I won't have one for a while if I don't take it, but do not need the computer since I can surf the web from my phone.

pinkdog

I was actually in that situation before. My boyfriend was not addicted but he was very controlling. I wanted out so badly, I just left town. I left it all. I never regretted it. My peace of mind was more important than the material things. Take care of yourself.

m1k3

The only thing I can think of that would be a safe way to do it would be to contact your local police and see what they recommend. I have read things from other people her who have done that and actually had a police officer escort them during the process to prevent any problems.

Your friend,

Hopeworks

The computer is a gift and you were living together and disputes over property are definately civil and the police will not touch it with a ten foot pole. She would have to file a civil suit and the judge would throw it out with your text proof (imo).

I would wait until she is gone....does she work regular hours? Have times she does activities that you know she will be gone?

I would get my stuff... thats just me.

Looking4ward

Oh, brother, I've been in the same place. Mine was Christmas Eve, went out for midnight mass, but then was in bed with the flu. My x continued on to some "friends" house for drinks and came back a raging lunatic. Smashed everything in the apt. I left half out of my mind and still in my pajamas.

I think Mike has an excellent suggestion. I think you have a perfect right to your stuff. She'll probably just trash it up anyway. I also don't thik she'll call the cops on you and even if she does, it's not like they're gonna show up right away - they got pot busts and traffic accidents and like Real work to do, not handle petty disputes. Anyway, my point is, take it as it comes. If you want the computer, you should have it. I believe you have a right to it. Your clothes you most definitely do.
Again, I can tell you from my own experience, because when I did finally move out (Oh yeah, I stayed almost 2 yrs after that Christmas!), I did it in the early morning when he was still asleep, shaking like a leaf and scared ********. One day he caught me hauling another suitcase out, and you know what? He was expecting it and was more... I guess the word would be "despondent."
I'm not saying you GF will be that way, I'm just saying don't expect anything, you'd be surprised.

dandylion

Dear KRA, I have known 2 situations similar to yours. Both were males who were trying to retrieve their belongings from the house where they had been co-habitating with addicted and raging girlfriends. In both cases, they called police ahead of time nd arranged for the police to "standby" while they collected their belongings. In both cases the women were not happy, but did not act out in the presence of the police (not enough to get in trouble).
I second what looking4ward said about---you can't exactly predict what you will find.
Personally, I think I would go for my stuff (with escort). Even a couple of guy friends would be better than nothing. Personally, I would not go alone under any circumstances. (I am female).
While we are on the subject (sort of), I have known several males who have been in verbally AND PHYSICALLY abusive relationships with females. I have noted that they seem to suffer additional challenges of being a male physically abused from female. Cultural attitudes seem to pose special problems. In trying to help one of these persons, I discovered a couple of websites that deal specifically with issues of abused men--only a couple. Shelter resources for men are almost non-existent. I wish there was more awareness of this. I saw Dr. Phil address this briefly on one show.
I actually think this issue deserves a special thread. What does anyone else think???
Empathetically, dandylion.