Looking4ward

First, I just want to say that I am actually much better at coping with this kind of overweening sense of insecurity. It used to pervade every aspect of my life, but now I only have bouts of it.
You know what it is, this kind of ongoing litany of "I'm too old," "I'm too fat," "I'm not accomplished," "I say the wrong things," "That person has more,"... et cetera ad nauseam.
For the most part, what has helped me let go of a lot of it has been keeping busy and I also found a meditation practice that has done wonders for me.

However, yesterday I was feeling the crunch of my insecurity overtaking my thoughts. I wanted to quiet it, I did a little journaling, I tried to turn my thoughts away from it, but they came back.

And here's the thing, I'm really mean when I'm feeling insecure.

I went to a barbecue last night where all the guys were my age or older and all the women were in their early twenties. I was literally the oldest female there and my age is currently a sensitive issue for me. Also because I've just recently begun dating again, my sexual attractiveness is a sensitive issue for me. By the end of the evening, I was saying mean snarky comments and making a fool of myself.
HELP! How do I stop these barrage of negative messages that turn me into such a monster!

marie1960

We are the age we are.

We weigh what we weigh.

Accept the facts. True beauty comes from within.

Real men appreciate real women. (Not the superficial Barbie)

Intelligence, is sexy. Men are attracted to women who have their sh*t together. Needy women attract the wrong kind of man. Confidence, sincerity, kindness, honesty, manners, and humor. These are worthy qualities.

Be yourself, comparing ourselves to others is fruitless.

A former mentor once shared, The best gift you can give yourself, "Read anything you can get your hands on, newspapers, books, fill your head with knowledge, and then use that knowledge to give back to the world in which you live."

Tuffgirl

I have to say I have felt awkward in this environment too. And its not because I am insecure, it is because its awkward! Older men and much, much younger women is just awkward for us older women.

How do you stop? Remove yourself from situations that you know you don't handle well until you can begin to handle them well. Just don't be there in the first place.

Secondly, maybe give some thought to your definition of age? I mean, it is the most natural thing we all do from the moment we are born - we age. Buying into the "youth centered" culture is your choice. We don't have to.

And lastly, maybe focus on enjoying the activity instead of wrapping it all around "dating". Go with expectations of having a good time, not finding someone to date. We put a lot of pressure on ourselves when we go into situations with the "dating" perspective in the forefront. Try to relax and have faith that when the time is right, it will happen.

Looking4ward

Thank you friends for talking to me when no one else would!!!
I like all of you and I like my Al-Anon group too because I know you have been through/are going through the same things as me! I will always be grateful for that!

Tuffgril, such beautiful things to say. It is true, I knew that I was being invited to an event where the host couple consisted of a man my age and a 23-yr-old woman. I actually had been struggling with feelings of insecurity all day before I even arrived. Like I said, I tried to dispel them, I just wasn't very successful at it.
Yes, I need more friends - especially friends whom I have more in common with. This is the tough part. I have found as long as I am insecure, not only do I not have a good time, people avoid me, which then makes me more insecure.
Result? I have been living in this city 3 years, one year separated from my ex and my two friends are men who BOTH have 23-yr-old gf's. Oh SR, thank you SOOO much for being there for me!

I think I need to do daily affirmations ON TOP of my meditation practice and I'm gonna go and sign up for a meetup group in my area of interest Right Now!

I am so embarrassed about last night!

Pelican

When I feel my self-confidence slipping, I chant positive affirmations to myself. In the type of situation you described at the party, I would be chanting: "I approve of me, I approve of me, I approve of me"

I have a copy of a wonderful book (recommended by someone here at SR) that has helped me with this process. The book is: You Can Heal Your Life by Louise Hay