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it just doesn't have the same effect...anymore...

Old 06-24-2012, 01:07 AM
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it just doesn't have the same effect...anymore...

Been trying to moderately drink here & there the past week or two. It's making me so angry cause it just doesn't feel like it used to. I feel almost scared of it. Of alcohol. I don't have that same euphoric feeling once that first drink goes down. It's like i'm drinking just to get it over with & get to the end result. Wasted.

Not wasted now but did have several drinks through the day (about 8...). I just wanted to check out, I was done. Even on a beautiful sunny day with my family, I felt completely depressed & alone. Sad.
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Old 06-24-2012, 01:21 AM
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I remember when drinking stopped working for me too.
I felt like there was no more lonely, desolate and frightening place in the world.

There is life after drinking though jstar and it is wonderful.

It takes a little wearing in, perhaps - we need more than a little patience as we learn to live again, sober - but I wouldn't have missed it for the world.

Things get better that way - trying to moderate, things only get worse.

I hope you'll make the leap again soon

D
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Old 06-24-2012, 01:30 AM
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Jstar - i remember when that happened to me. It totally panicked me that it wasn't working anymore. That's when i knew i had to stop somehow. I went to an AA meeting. People had been telling me for years what would happen if i didn't stop drinking. At this meeting, an old timer told me what could happen if i did stop drinking. It changed my perspective on recovery. I wanted a normal life with normal things. There are lots of way to get sober, but AA was the only one that worked for me. Other people get sober in different ways. I would recommend that you try a few meetings. x
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Old 06-24-2012, 02:29 AM
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Originally Posted by jstar View Post
Been trying to moderately drink here & there the past week or two. It's making me so angry cause it just doesn't feel like it used to. I feel almost scared of it. Of alcohol. I don't have that same euphoric feeling once that first drink goes down. It's like i'm drinking just to get it over with & get to the end result. Wasted.

Not wasted now but did have several drinks through the day (about 8...). I just wanted to check out, I was done. Even on a beautiful sunny day with my family, I felt completely depressed & alone. Sad.
I understand this completely. How about this. . .consider it an absolute blessing that alcohol has stopped working for you. Instead of euphoria, you have fear and a bunch of other negative things.

So ditch the negative.
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Old 06-24-2012, 04:04 AM
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someone here used the analogy once of one of those hidden pictures. Where is you stare long enough at a picture you can see a different image? And then once you see it you can't 'unsee' it.

I think that's very accurate when applied to life as an alcoholic. Once you realize you're an alcoholic. You can't 'unsee' that and go back to 'casually' drinking 8 (!) drinks on a Saturday with your family. It is what it is. An alcoholic's binge.
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Old 06-24-2012, 05:08 AM
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Great analogy. I feel that. Once my eyes were open I could not close them again.
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Old 06-24-2012, 05:32 AM
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It happened to me too! Horrible. Now when I crave I tell myself what I want doesn't even exist anymore as alcohol doesn't work 'for' me anymore. I'm still grieving it
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Old 06-24-2012, 05:41 AM
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Great observation, jstar - & helpful responses, as usual. I thought I was the only one that happened to. I tried for years to recreate my early romance with it. My answer was to increase the amounts I drank. Surely if I drank more and stronger drinks - the fun times would return? Can't believe that actually seemed logical.
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Old 06-24-2012, 05:50 AM
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Wow, I wish I drank like that well no i don't because i would still be drinking. Make no reservation about drinking since you realize that you drink like that don't fool yourself anymore. Life is so much more real without the use of alcohol, no more buffer!

If you start feeling depressed come here and post or read, talk to somebody about it (preferably someone who understands and will listen), pray. It is good that you see this now and not years from now, God bless you and keep coming back!!!
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Old 06-24-2012, 06:31 AM
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Alcohol and weed stopped working for me. Just couldn't get what I was looking for. I knew I had to stay stopped then.

After 8 drinks and not being wasted, that's another sign....

I hope you can stay stopped, too! Life is so much brighter today.
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Old 06-24-2012, 08:02 AM
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Originally Posted by Dee74 View Post
I hope you'll make the leap again soon

D
Leap....fall....leap....fall............picking myself up once again.

Thanks all for your encouragement, as always the responses are most helpful. I keep trying to convince myself that I am fine. My last few bouts have been horrible. Yesterday though, was horrible in a different way. Went to the fair w/my husband x4 kids....managed to sneak a couple drinks before we got there & 2 more within a hour of being there. I was excited & happy go lucky for a little while as I rode every crazy upside down/sideways ride w/my 12 yr old which is my fearless one. Liquid courage I suppose & part of me just wanted to feel that sensation of falling & being a little scared of the rides...wanting to "feel" alive.

But after not too long, we were off doing other things and there was no bar in site that I could sneak away to...I became irritated and depressed. Snapping at everyone and getting frustrated over the smallest things. Not until later in the evening did I have a chance to return to the bar as we had split up taking kids different ways & were meeting back by my choice, in the grassy area (next to the bar). I was so relieved to finally be close & went & grabbed a beer (to seem less suspicious to my husband) but downed a couple shots of tequila while standing up at the bar. Then I went up again just before they closed it up, cause I just wasn't feeling it yet, so threw in another shot. Then I was relieved, good for a bit while the kids ran off their sugar in the grass chasing eachother with huge stuffed animals.

It hit me in the car going home, I didn't have to drink today. I made my family miserable & was irritated half the day all because I was wanting to go find another drink, but I couldn't.

I guess that story doesn't sound very "normal" does it?

June 24, 2012...leaping again. Going to a meeting in an hour.
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Old 06-24-2012, 08:37 AM
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No that certainly isn't normal,

You are prioritising(spelling) alcohol above your family, I've got a problem but even at my height I would wait until I got home or ask my wife to drop me at the pub on the way home.

You really do need to stop this Jstar just like me for the sake of your family.

Good luck at your meeting and I wish you all of the best.

Bruno.
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Old 06-24-2012, 09:04 AM
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jstar - That's the point I reached too - just before quitting. The fun and relaxation that it used to be was gone. There was no joy, no excitement - just irritation and wondering where the next drink was coming from. Didn't want to go to the movies (what, 2 hours without a fix?), took it with me shopping, even - would dash into the ladies room & swig down a beer (so I could face the produce department?). That's how enslaved I was. How could I have justified it - and yet I kept going for years that way. I promise you there is life after alcohol - you do not need it the way you think you do. It's just a lie we tell ourselves.
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Old 06-24-2012, 09:37 AM
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yea, that really brings back memories for me jstar, the last time i went back to drinking i had 5 and a half months sober, it only took five days to get to the point of not working anymore, then i was just getting drunk, there was no euphoria after that, i must have used it all up fast, but now that i'm sober again, it's coming back, just in smaller sustained doses, a little better every day. I'm sure you know it's never gonna work again for you, it's just so damn tempting, and then, we have that first drink, and the mind has had some time to repair, build up some good feelings, then bam, a drink of alcohol, the juices start flowing, and we (or i) can't stop. it's fuedal. All you can do is save what you have left and get better. I really hope you can stay sober, heck, i hope everyone can stay sober, the world would be so much better off.
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Old 06-24-2012, 09:44 AM
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Originally Posted by OCDDan View Post
I really hope you can stay sober, heck, i hope everyone can stay sober, the world would be so much better off.
You're so right, Dan. A friend of mine is a cop, and he says without alcohol, the police force could be a fraction of what it is now. A huge part of what they do around here is deal with the aftermath of alcohol abuse, whether it's domestics, bar fights, car accidents, OD/blackouts in public, drunks walking into the wrong house, suicide attempts, drunks going missing, etc etc
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Old 06-24-2012, 09:56 AM
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Part of why I stopped was because, for me, drinking didn't really ever have an end. I was either drunk, or in withdrawals--mild or severe, depended on the day--craving a drink to get me out of withdrawals, and that was all the time, every day, all week long. And being drunk wasn't fun, it was just better than suffering withdrawal symptoms. Pretty sad state of affairs when the best part of your day is a joyless intoxication.
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Old 06-24-2012, 10:03 AM
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Hitting the wall

I know how you feel. I have been caught in the same awful cycle, it's just destroying me. There is rarely, if ever, moderation in drinking, and when it is harder to maintain than not drinking at all.
I'll be "good" for a few days and then binge. Wake up, feel like death, or dying, swear it off, then fall back in. Lather, rinse, repeat. This time yesterday I was exercising after a wonderful day of writing, I felt joyous and productive and all was right with the world. Today, I am crouching in the shadows. I look like ****, I feel like ****. I can't do this anymore. But the cravings just overtake. And ludicrous as this sounds, I fear what life will be like if I stop. Will I lose my boyfriend, my life... I know intellectually that these fears are groundless, but there's some awful jam that I have to get past to change and save my life.
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Old 06-24-2012, 10:11 AM
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Welcome azarose :ghug3. Hope you find the support you need here.
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Old 06-24-2012, 11:06 AM
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Welcome azarose! - Glad you're here! Getting sober is always scary, but once you jump into it, it gets better! (feel free to start a thread and introduce yourself, if you like )

jstar - I'm sorry you're struggling. I think we've all been there, where we can only get an hour or two of relief before the misery starts coming back. Still, we're afraid to let go because it's the only thing (we think) that helps up cope. We're here for you - you really can get out of the vicious cycle!:ghug3
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Old 06-24-2012, 01:58 PM
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welcome azarose

it is scary to think about not drinking - it's unfamiliar and can be frightening - but look around at all the people here who've made the leap - and who are living full happy healthy sober lives

I've never regretted my decision to quit
D
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