nytepassion

Okay, here is the deal. This thread is about letting go. Post not what you wish you could let go of, but rather what you are truly willing to let go of in the name of change. A change for the better. A change toward a new improved you.

No take backs so be sure you are really at your rock bottom when you post. Post what you are willing to let go of and then post what you did today that backed up your willingness.

I'll start. I have been living with health anxiety for years. I have begun steps to overcome this fear. Now call it cheating or not, but I am not doing this alone. I am doing it with God's help because without his help I would not - could not do it. The other day I went to the doctors and said yes to all kinds of test that normally I would have not said yes to out of fear. I fear what they will find or if they will find something. I have feared for so long that I am sick of being a prisoner to fear. So I am saying goodbye to fear and hello to faith. I am having a complete physical, pap, mamogram, colonoscopy and for those of you who do not know I have hep c and I am getting a full liver panel done (already had the blood work done) as well as a sonogram of my liver and finding out the genotype to see if I would be a good candidate for treatment. This is major for me and normally would send me into a full blown panic attack. I would be so filled with fear of the what ifs that I would refuse to have the test done, but no more!

Now as for today what I have done in the name of letting go is not to entertain thoughts of negativity and fear that pop up in my mind about heath issues. I just refuse to think upon them and replace the thought with I will trust the Lord

Okay, enough about me. What about you?

Ilovemysonjj

I will let go of the fear for my sons well being. I will trust in God that He is walking with JJ. I will let of of the "what if" syndrome since that is not reality, that is only FOG..
Thank you Nyte Passion.
Hugs
Teresa

Windmills

I don't know I'm ready to let go of anything new tonight. Just for today, I will let go of the loneliness surrounding me right now. My daughter is in bed and as I do every night, I've scrubbed the apartment and am sitting browsing the Internet feeling sad and alone. Just for today I will remember that alone and lonely don't have to be the same. Just for today I will remember the reasons I chose to be alone and I will feel glad I have peace and serenity now. I can't promise I will do the same tomorrow but I can give it my best. One day at a time!

Ann

Great thread, Passion.

I am going to give up a big resentment that has taken too much space in my head lately. It's one I thought I gave up ages ago but I keep letting it back in and today is the day I send it packing. Instead of resenting a family member that distanced himself from the rest of us probably 20 years ago, I am going to send him a nice note, nothing long or narrative, just a "thinking of you" kinda thing and then let the outcome unfold as it may.

I feel better already.

Hugs

Kindeyes

This is an interesting topic. Just the other day we (in my Step Study Group) were talking about Step Ten.

"Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it."

I mentioned that I feel that I am often stuck in Step Six.

"Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character."

I felt that God wasn't removing my DEFECTS admitted in Step FOUR very fast. lol So I wasn't entirely sure that Step Ten wasn't just a slide back to Step Four.

Then we read from June 20th of the Nar-Anon SESH......it stated that sometimes........those defects of character are still there because we aren't ready to let them go.

I'm ready to let go of my impatience and anger. It serves no useful purpose for me.

Thanks Nytepassion.......good thread idea!

gentle hugs
ke

PS - I will keep you in my prayers that the tests come out ok. During a breast cancer scare someone told me, never ever worry until someone tells you that there is something to worry about. It taught me a valuable lesson......but that is easier said than done sometimes.

LoveMeNow

I am going to let go of my need to "stress" and "worry" about what is waiting around the corner. I am going to live with the thinking...Be anxious for nothing.....

Yesterday, I had the funnest day with some friends. We went shopping and to dinner and just had so many laughs. They were so happy to see me having fun with no worries.

Then driving home, I got all stressed. "I hope the dogs were fed and taken out, I hope there's no mess, Ugh, look at the stuff I need to bring in and I am tired and the dogs will want my attention...blah, blah, blah." Then I thought - Look at that beautiful sunset, enjoy the NOW...I have no idea what will happen in the next 15 minutes. Enjoy the NOW because there are no guarantees how long I will be in this life.

I sat back, looked at the gorgeous sky and felt peace. When I got home...the house was clean, laundry was done, dogs were cared for...by my husband. (but even if they weren't, so what!!) I enjoyed unpacking my car and looking at all the nice stuff I had bought for MYSELF. I almost lost that moment....by stressing over something I had no control of or stressing about stupid things that weren't that important.

So I am letting go of worrying about the future and I am going to live in the NOW.

Sleepwell

I am going to let go of my worrying thoughts when the phone rings.

I will pick up the phone with confidence and without worrying whether it is either my son or the police or anyone else that wants to increase my anxiety by delivering bad news.

DMelton

Today I let go of guilt. I moved out this weekend and I have to move forward. I have nothing to feel guilty about because I didn't have the glass pipe to my mouth. I'm proud of me and my choice. It's my turn to live for me not for my bf and his addiction. It's consumed me long enough.

FindingErica

I'm going to let go of this idea in my head that my AH and I could be the "exception to the rule. " we are "the rule". He's an addict just like other addicts and I'm a codie who spent the better part of two years in denial. I know that is probably lame and doesn't make much sense; but I am new to this whole process and keep worrying that maybe I am making a huge mistake and he just walked away from his addictions over-night and will suddenly become the person he was or the person I thought he was again.

LoveMeNow

Not lame at all....I think we all thought, at one time, we were "special," our love was special, our addict was special. Then the cold, hard truth hit us in the face. Addiction doesn't discriminate. Addiction is just evil, straight from the pits of hell. An addict is an addict, no matter what their DOC is.

P.S. I admire your strength.

lightseeker

I am giving up my shame and humiliation of my past choices. They have weighed me down and kept me in a victim mentality. They have also kept me isolating and living life in a very small way.

I am ashamed that I became involved with a man that had an addiction to cocaine. I fell in love with him before I consciously knew it and he slowly introduced the fact...."I use cocaine from time to time still" to finally realizing that he actually was smoking crack. I'm ashamed that I broke up with him and could not stay broken up with him. I'm ashamed that I believed that he had been sober a number of months and let him move in with me and my sons. I'm ashamed that I stayed in a relationship with someone that did not honor his commitment to participate in recovery. I'm ashamed I married someone that I had doubts about. I'm ashamed that I stayed with someone that abused me and that I kept trying to work things out. I am ashamed for what I dragged my sons through.

I have felt so ashamed of all of that that I have felt like I don't deserve to take up space in the world...nor feel worthy of anyone's friendship or affection.

I made mistakes and I seek forgiveness for those that I have hurt by my choices - including myself. But I'm realizing that my shame is only holding me back from who my HP can lead me to be and wants me to be. If I stay in shame and regret the past I am unable to let the light shine into those areas and let healing begin. And if I let go of the shame and humiliation I am better able to share my story and reach out my hand to others in recovery.

Thank you.....that felt like it needed to be said and is a burden that I need to place down.......So, I am definitely asking God to relieve me of these burdens and all other traits that keep me from living out his will for me.

YearForMe

Lightseeker....

If I could offer a suggestion.....

Please take each of the things from your post above.....
Write each thing and number it.
Leave some space in between.

Write something that you LEARNED from each thing you mentioned being ashamed of.

If you learned....you grew from it.

Shame comes from fear of being thought of as "less than" and if someone can say "me too" then they have lived it too and they cannot shame you.

If they cannot say "me too" then they haven't lived it, or made that mistake....and maybe that is not their life path lesson to learn. So...guess what....THEY don't get to say.
Embrace your choices and embrace the lessons.

Life is for the living my friend. If you are living, you are learning, if you are learning, you are growing.

Anaya

Good thread and good to hear others' thoughts and positive ideas.

I'll be honest and say that I know I still struggle with trying to fix everything but have slowly come to realize and accept the fact that I am powerless to do so. My son has faced some rough stuff lately and, in the past, I would have tried to manage the situation and try to save him from the pain; after some time and practice and some big lessions learned, I now realize I have to step back and let him face and deal with his problems. If he decides he wants to talk about what's going on, I will listen.

So, with that in mind, this weekend when my hubby asked what's going on w/son (son came home agitated, something going on with him and girlfriend), I simply said I didn't know what was wrong and told hubby I was proud of myself for not "getting into his business" this time.

MeredithD1

Everyone who has posted has shared something that feels personal to me (as well as obviously being an intimate sharing from each person, and THANK YOU, people!!) and I am grateful to have read everything.

This part of your post, Lightseeker, is something I sort of paraphrased as I wrote in my journal on June 3:

"In this morning's meditation, I was shown a type of 'energy implant' that has continually told me that I am not good enough.

"With the help of the Source, I was able to dissipate it.

"The Source then showed me a way to open up to my Mission, by knowing I am good enough to do my Mission and experience the joy that goes along with doing my Mission."

The 'energy implant' is like a thought-form that was 'implanted' by the being who is my female parent this life, who, in addition to other things, was a diet pill/speed addict (they don't prescribe those pills any more). I say 'implanted' because as a child, I was helpless against it, and as an adult, the cleanup is my responsibility, with the help of the Source (my word for HP) and continues to this day.

So I let go of whatever tells me I am not good enough. The result is that I am able to do what the Source put me here to do.

Ann

May I just say that this is one of the healthiest, most uplifting threads I have read in a long time.

We can do it, we can give it up and let go. I have worked on my carefully worded card to my estranged family member and am quite pleased that the words came out kindly and with acceptance...I prayed first, asking God for words and He answered my prayer.

So along with the resentment that I have released, I also let go of anticipating the outcome, of all expectations and I shall let whatever unfolds come from a power greater than myself.

Hugs

lightseeker

Ann,

I agree about this thread. It really helped me to just state it...put it out there... and claim how I am willing to let it go. I've never meant a 6th and 7th step this much in my life.

Great topic!

nytepassion

I'm going to chime in and agree with Ann I love this thread! I love SR! We can come here and open ourselves up and put ourselves out there. We can come here and find acceptance, healing on our journey into wholeness.

Normally, when I would be waiting on blood test results I would be a wreck, edgy and snappy, but what is different this time around is I have rejected every negative thought. I refuse to entertain them and I have peace whatever the outcome may be. I know that no matter what God is in control not me and I have arrived at a place where I can accept that without resistance. I trust you Lord, I trust you.

I would like to encourage everyone to continue to share and lay down your fears, worries, hurts, pain, feelings, pour yourself out, turn it over and drop it off. Let go and let God.

Tell us what you've done or are willing to do that will make today different then yesterday

Share your successes :ghug3

Hugs,
Passion

Ann

Passion, you are such an inspiration and I just KNOW those tests will go well.

Hugs to you and our little Dakota too.

FindingErica

Wow thanks! I was surprised to read that as most of the time I feel weak, stupid, scared, numb and blind.

LoveMeNow

Not at all. You are not weak or dumb!! I hope you learn to shut that ugly self doubt voice off (we all have it), it just what we do with it that really matters.

I have no doubt that your family and friends are so proud of you. It wont be easy but it will be worth it. God Bless.