I'm cleaning my house today
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Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: right here, right now
Posts: 6,516
I'm cleaning my house today
No, there's no fancy metaphor.
And it's not really a house.
It's a tiny little apartment.
But it's mine.
I'm blasting my favorite music (it's the middle of the day and the octogenarians downstairs don't hear very well anyway) and dancing with the broom.
Because I'm cleaning MY house. For ME. And my children. Who will be back tomorrow night and make everything a big mess again.
But nobody will puke in my sink.
Nobody will pee himself on my couch -- or get up in the middle of the night and mistake the closet for the bathroom and pee in my rubber boots.
Nobody will be asleep in his own vomit on my freshly-scrubbed bathroom floor when I get up to use the bathroom in the middle of the night.
It's just one of those days when I'm really feeling the joy in the freedom I have in my life without alcoholism. To the point where I'm enjoying cleaning. Because it means taking care of myself.
I'm not dreading tonight. I'm not living in fear. I'm not worrying about the future. I'm living RIGHT NOW and enjoying the life I've snatched back from that horrid disease.
My AXH has chosen differently. That is no longer my problem. In fact, it never was.
And it's not really a house.
It's a tiny little apartment.
But it's mine.
I'm blasting my favorite music (it's the middle of the day and the octogenarians downstairs don't hear very well anyway) and dancing with the broom.
Because I'm cleaning MY house. For ME. And my children. Who will be back tomorrow night and make everything a big mess again.
But nobody will puke in my sink.
Nobody will pee himself on my couch -- or get up in the middle of the night and mistake the closet for the bathroom and pee in my rubber boots.
Nobody will be asleep in his own vomit on my freshly-scrubbed bathroom floor when I get up to use the bathroom in the middle of the night.
It's just one of those days when I'm really feeling the joy in the freedom I have in my life without alcoholism. To the point where I'm enjoying cleaning. Because it means taking care of myself.
I'm not dreading tonight. I'm not living in fear. I'm not worrying about the future. I'm living RIGHT NOW and enjoying the life I've snatched back from that horrid disease.
My AXH has chosen differently. That is no longer my problem. In fact, it never was.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: right here, right now
Posts: 6,516
CIH -- it wasn't an easy road. Four years in Al-Anon and SR before I came to the point of leaving. But the time after I left has had so much joy in the midst of the tough times. And one of the things I've had to unlearn is the catastrophic thinking and fear -- and replace it with appreciating the rays of sunshine and the times of joy. 
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Join Date: May 2006
Location: UK
Posts: 1,149
excellent stuff lillamy!
thank you very much for the reminder
today I had a new mattress delivered, I dismantled the bed xAH and I had (which he gets in the divorce settlement, I assume at some point he'll want to pick his stuff up), and the kids and I hauled up the stairs and assembled my antique edwardian bed and made it up, and it's so pretty
I fixed a curtain rail that was hanging down, changed a door knob, and fixed a few other odds and ends.
and we laughed and played and occaisionally bickered: we didn't have to tiptoe around anyone, or be quiet for anyone, or try and dodge any craziness. It is blowing a gale here and has been for a week (blooming june it is not!), and I'm inside cosy and safe with my children: I hope I always remember how much freedom this is, how wonderful this peace and safety is.
everyone deserves it, and I hope everyone experiences it soon.
thank you very much for the reminder
today I had a new mattress delivered, I dismantled the bed xAH and I had (which he gets in the divorce settlement, I assume at some point he'll want to pick his stuff up), and the kids and I hauled up the stairs and assembled my antique edwardian bed and made it up, and it's so pretty
I fixed a curtain rail that was hanging down, changed a door knob, and fixed a few other odds and ends.
and we laughed and played and occaisionally bickered: we didn't have to tiptoe around anyone, or be quiet for anyone, or try and dodge any craziness. It is blowing a gale here and has been for a week (blooming june it is not!), and I'm inside cosy and safe with my children: I hope I always remember how much freedom this is, how wonderful this peace and safety is.
everyone deserves it, and I hope everyone experiences it soon.
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Chicago, IL
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It's amazing how much cleaner my tiny apartment is since I quit smoking pot.
I was always too stoned and lazy before. I'd tell myself that today was the day to clean the kitchen so I could have room to cook, and then I'd just order another pizza and smoke more pot.
Now I'm a veritable Mr. Clean, only with more hair and without the earring.
Miles
I was always too stoned and lazy before. I'd tell myself that today was the day to clean the kitchen so I could have room to cook, and then I'd just order another pizza and smoke more pot.
Now I'm a veritable Mr. Clean, only with more hair and without the earring.
Miles
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 756
Yes! I actually enjoy cleaning now, because it's MINE! I don't have to wake up to a dozen or more empties sitting on the table, dirty dishes everywhere, garbage on the floor, etc. i may be poor, but i feel richer than i have ever been.
Yea for you! Sobriety rocks!
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