What do you do when people cross your boundaries?
Sobriety date 12/19/2011
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: TX
Posts: 409
What do you do when people cross your boundaries?
This question came up last night for me and I didn't know how to answer it.
I think I just allowed it to happen while I was drinking, but now I want to have the tools to not let it happen anymore.
I think I just allowed it to happen while I was drinking, but now I want to have the tools to not let it happen anymore.
Self recovered Self discovered
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Toronto Canada
Posts: 5,148
Interesting question. I recently had the opportunity to react to my boundaries being crossed too, in an unusual situation too (I'm a guy). I spoke up, is what I did, and said, Stop that. I am not comfortable with that. That is not cool.
It stopped. Maybe you can practise by yourself first, to see what the words sound like?
It stopped. Maybe you can practise by yourself first, to see what the words sound like?
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,432
I always had trouble with boundaries.
These days I find when you send out the sense of firm boundaries, very few people will cross them.
I always try to be quiet but firm if I need to assert myself - people who don't listen or who continue to not respect my boundaries don't find a lasting place in my life.
D
These days I find when you send out the sense of firm boundaries, very few people will cross them.
I always try to be quiet but firm if I need to assert myself - people who don't listen or who continue to not respect my boundaries don't find a lasting place in my life.
D
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Texas
Posts: 478
Without more specifics on how your boundary was violated, my answer may seem vague! I had to really read up on boundaries to learn I didn't have very many--and the ones I had were weak at best. It is true, if your boundaries are strong, very few will cross them, if any at all. You will send signals you don't even realize you are sending. Yup, drinking just crashes them to the ground--while actually out drinking with friends or just being a regular drinker. Boundaries were definitely something I had to learn and am STILL learning. Too bad we aren't born with them.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Texas
Posts: 248
I too have had to learn to be very firm with my boundaries. If something happens once that I am really not okay with, I say something in very specific terms and then try to clearly articulate the boundary. If it happens again, they obviously don't respect me enough to respect my boundaries. And as a result, they have no place in my life.
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