What would you say to your 31 year old self?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 268
What would you say to your 31 year old self?
My 31st birthday is coming up in under a week, and with so many intelligent, wise, people on this website who have already celebrated this birthday... I was wondering what would YOU say to your 31 year old self, knowing what you do now?
I would like to write down all the comments in my journal and look over them any time I am feeling 'low.'
I would like to write down all the comments in my journal and look over them any time I am feeling 'low.'
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: London, England
Posts: 724
Me? I'd say nothing. She wouldn't listen to me anyway. Besides, if she did, how long would it be before she forgot? Would she be happier if she could avoid the mistakes I made, or just make a wholebuncha different ones and still be miserable. I don't know.
At 31 I wasn't in the right place to quit. At times, I'm not sure I am even now.
At 31 I wasn't in the right place to quit. At times, I'm not sure I am even now.
Nothing Left to do but Smile.
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Upstate NY
Posts: 808
Well, 30 was supposed to be my booze cut off date. It was going to be when I cleaned up my life. Ten years later I still struggled. I can honestly say that I was not prepared nor did I want to stop at 30. I was nowhere near a rock bottom. It took 10 more years of abuse to get to that point where my body told me I had to quit. I hope you have the resolve to quit at 31 that I didn't have. I will say this, as you age the addiction only gets worse and harder to pull yourself out from under.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 277
I was 31 in 1999. I consider the turn of the century to be the crisis point in the development of my alcoholism. That was the point when the switch was flipped, the line was crossed, the fuse blew. I had several people close to me pass away. I was in a critical phase of graduate studies. Everything became a huge sh!tstorm. The binges really took off. In particular, this is when I started regularly using that hair 'o the dog (and then some).
So what would I say to that guy? I'm not sure anything I might say would have made a difference. That was when I began wandering in the wilderness. I had to find my way out. No one could say anything to me to lead me out. So some 12 years later I feel at last like I am emerging.
So what would I say to that guy? I'm not sure anything I might say would have made a difference. That was when I began wandering in the wilderness. I had to find my way out. No one could say anything to me to lead me out. So some 12 years later I feel at last like I am emerging.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Here, sort of
Posts: 11
I would have told myself to do some research on alcoholism and speak to those who have actually lived in the hell it can cause. It is real and alcohol doesn't care how educated you are, how wealthy you are, how good a family or network of friends you have, or how "good" your life appears to be.
When I was thirty I thought everybody drank the way I did and that "alcoholics" were those who didn't have a job or house, those that were unkept and stumbling around bumming for money.
I strongly believe had I known then what I know now I would have saved myself and others alot of pain. Time is something you cannot get back and regret just fuels the cycle of destruction, at least for me anyway.
When I was thirty I thought everybody drank the way I did and that "alcoholics" were those who didn't have a job or house, those that were unkept and stumbling around bumming for money.
I strongly believe had I known then what I know now I would have saved myself and others alot of pain. Time is something you cannot get back and regret just fuels the cycle of destruction, at least for me anyway.
Encourager In Training
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: KS
Posts: 717
Yeah, you’re childless but your friends are having babies right and left. THIS IS A BIG DEAL! Recognize, appreciate, celebrate!
When it comes to saving for a comfortable retirement, the math dramatically evolves during this decade. Crank it up while time is still your friend!
You have no business taking on a home mortgage that is three times your annual salary. You do not need that house, and more importantly you cannot afford it.
The three stashes of beer you're hiding from your new bride are no more normal than the fifth of vodka you hid from your first wife nearly 10 years ago. Wake up, this is happening.
When it comes to saving for a comfortable retirement, the math dramatically evolves during this decade. Crank it up while time is still your friend!
You have no business taking on a home mortgage that is three times your annual salary. You do not need that house, and more importantly you cannot afford it.
The three stashes of beer you're hiding from your new bride are no more normal than the fifth of vodka you hid from your first wife nearly 10 years ago. Wake up, this is happening.
Re-Tread
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Meditation
Posts: 1,300
Stay sober and save your money. Buy a smaller less expensive house. Have your first child now b4 its too late to have another. Keep chasing your dreams career wise and dont go back to your old career.
Thats what Id tell myself but its only been a couple years.
Thats what Id tell myself but its only been a couple years.
Professional Drunk
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Toronto
Posts: 465
As I turned 31, I was already a raging alcoholic. It was 5 years ago, and I remember my gf at the time taking me to a posh restaurant where I vomited a bottle of red wine into the bathroom sink. There was a bathroom attendant who looked on horrified...poor guy had to clean it up.
So I would tell my 31 yr old self to see the 'writing on the wall' and to recognize that I was in a death spiral. At that time, I had a stomach ulcer from the drinking and I was vomiting in public places, work, and social events frequently. More times than not, I didn't make it to a toilet. I could play the mental games with myself and others, but the booze was clearly affecting my physical health and others started to see that.
So I would tell my 31 yr old self to see the 'writing on the wall' and to recognize that I was in a death spiral. At that time, I had a stomach ulcer from the drinking and I was vomiting in public places, work, and social events frequently. More times than not, I didn't make it to a toilet. I could play the mental games with myself and others, but the booze was clearly affecting my physical health and others started to see that.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,443
what I'd say is I'm sorry for the next decade, dude - I'm sorry it took me so long to quit but I've never regretted a moment of it once I did.
Happy Birthday EXM6 - it's a great present you're giving to yourself
D
Happy Birthday EXM6 - it's a great present you're giving to yourself
D
~sb
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,967
I went to my first AA meeting at the age of 25. I didn't stay stopped. I returned to AA when I was 32 (I even had almost 3 years of sobriety, well, about 2 when I started to smoke weed again, then I started to drink a bit later), so I'd say:
Hey self! Get a grip on what you are doing to yourself and your life right now. In a year, you will once again get to a point where you need help. You'll get to AA, get stuck in your fears, not get real and not yet find a sponsor who really knows alcoholism. If you could just stay stopped for a good period of time and work those steps, the world will still be at your fingertips.
This time in AA, you need to really listen. Don't focus on the opposite sex, you aren't too old, yet. Stop listening to your false self. Stay stopped NOW because in another few years you're going to lose everything you worked hard for. When I say everything, I mean everything! Oh, you silly girl, you already aren't listening. Go ahead, do what you do. One day, you'll get it, if you make it alive...
I could write a book on this topic! I wasn't ready to stay stopped then. I just wasn't. I guess it is irrelevant what I would have said. I just wasn't done yet. It is not what I would have wanted for me, but it is the way it was. I do wish I had stayed stopped that time. It didn't happen. Oh, did I mention I allowed a male to get in my way? Yeah. Dang hormones!
Today, I am 51, I am an alcoholic who retired 13+ months ago from drinking. Whew.
Hey self! Get a grip on what you are doing to yourself and your life right now. In a year, you will once again get to a point where you need help. You'll get to AA, get stuck in your fears, not get real and not yet find a sponsor who really knows alcoholism. If you could just stay stopped for a good period of time and work those steps, the world will still be at your fingertips.
This time in AA, you need to really listen. Don't focus on the opposite sex, you aren't too old, yet. Stop listening to your false self. Stay stopped NOW because in another few years you're going to lose everything you worked hard for. When I say everything, I mean everything! Oh, you silly girl, you already aren't listening. Go ahead, do what you do. One day, you'll get it, if you make it alive...
I could write a book on this topic! I wasn't ready to stay stopped then. I just wasn't. I guess it is irrelevant what I would have said. I just wasn't done yet. It is not what I would have wanted for me, but it is the way it was. I do wish I had stayed stopped that time. It didn't happen. Oh, did I mention I allowed a male to get in my way? Yeah. Dang hormones!
Today, I am 51, I am an alcoholic who retired 13+ months ago from drinking. Whew.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: USA
Posts: 87
I'd say...
"Normal people don't get thrown out of the Casino for being too drunk and throw up down the side of their truck while being driven home on their 31st birthday."
"The neighbors trash doesn't clink from being half filled with empty beer bottles like yours does on trash day."
"You are on a fast track management career that is stalling out because you are hungover every day...WTF is WRONG with you?"
But most importantly if I could go back and tell myself something on my 31st birthday I think I would say "Man there are too many people who love and care for you in this world and I love you too much for you to keep doing this to yourself for the next 13 years."
"Normal people don't get thrown out of the Casino for being too drunk and throw up down the side of their truck while being driven home on their 31st birthday."
"The neighbors trash doesn't clink from being half filled with empty beer bottles like yours does on trash day."
"You are on a fast track management career that is stalling out because you are hungover every day...WTF is WRONG with you?"
But most importantly if I could go back and tell myself something on my 31st birthday I think I would say "Man there are too many people who love and care for you in this world and I love you too much for you to keep doing this to yourself for the next 13 years."
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,569
"If you keep drinking, your world will be turned upside down during the next 20 years. You will lose the love of your life, the respect of friends & family, your health, your sanity. Oh, and you'll rack up 3 dui's and do a short stint in the women's correctional institute at age 50. You'll end up drinking 24/7 in the end, and barely make it out alive."
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Staffordshire UK
Posts: 514
I'm 32 now.
I'd say to myself enjoy the next 12 months of drinking because the time will shortly come when you know that its time to stop.
Everybody has a different cut off point as to knowing when to stop. I wasn't quite there at 31 but at 32 I am now.
Its a strange thing is life.
Bruno.
I'd say to myself enjoy the next 12 months of drinking because the time will shortly come when you know that its time to stop.
Everybody has a different cut off point as to knowing when to stop. I wasn't quite there at 31 but at 32 I am now.
Its a strange thing is life.
Bruno.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: San Diego, CA
Posts: 438
My phone rang & deleted my whole post 
In short...I was 31 when I went to my first AA meeting knowing I had issues with alcohol that weren't getting any better, only worse. I would have told myself firmly to "stay". Going back out only hurt myself & everyone around me with all the stupid things I did.
That was a little over 2 years ago & today I walk into AA again...at day 1. What a long ride on the merry-go-round that I could have avoided.
I hope you "stay"...its not worth it, you are still young & have a whole life to live sober. I'm saying that now to the both of us
In short...I was 31 when I went to my first AA meeting knowing I had issues with alcohol that weren't getting any better, only worse. I would have told myself firmly to "stay". Going back out only hurt myself & everyone around me with all the stupid things I did.
That was a little over 2 years ago & today I walk into AA again...at day 1. What a long ride on the merry-go-round that I could have avoided.
I hope you "stay"...its not worth it, you are still young & have a whole life to live sober. I'm saying that now to the both of us
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 268
Thank you so much for the GREAT answers!
@Albatross-- I wouldn't say I'm necessarily wise, I was just fortunate enough to ruin my life at 30 and actually realized that if I didn't stop, it would just continue to happen. Thanks for the birthday wishes.
@Sugarbear-- You're response couldn't have been more helpful for the position I find myself in. While I try to do things the "right" way this time -- I am not dating. I have never in my life done this before. It's extremely frustrating and lonely. Last night, my phone started ringing from a man who has been pursing me for months and after I ignored his call I had to write "I am doing the right thing" in my journal until I grew bored of doing this. Reading your response today-- just reassured me that I AM doing the right thing. You're right, damn hormones!! haha
@Hevyn-- This was good to read -- thank you for sharing. I had drank for 15 years with no legal problems whatsoever. All of a sudden at 30, I found myself getting in trouble with the law twice within the period of two months from blacked out behaviour. I lost my career as a result of this. I know if I continue to drink, my future will be eventually spent in jail if I don't quit.
Thanks again everyone... Very good advice.
@Albatross-- I wouldn't say I'm necessarily wise, I was just fortunate enough to ruin my life at 30 and actually realized that if I didn't stop, it would just continue to happen. Thanks for the birthday wishes.
@Sugarbear-- You're response couldn't have been more helpful for the position I find myself in. While I try to do things the "right" way this time -- I am not dating. I have never in my life done this before. It's extremely frustrating and lonely. Last night, my phone started ringing from a man who has been pursing me for months and after I ignored his call I had to write "I am doing the right thing" in my journal until I grew bored of doing this. Reading your response today-- just reassured me that I AM doing the right thing. You're right, damn hormones!! haha
@Hevyn-- This was good to read -- thank you for sharing. I had drank for 15 years with no legal problems whatsoever. All of a sudden at 30, I found myself getting in trouble with the law twice within the period of two months from blacked out behaviour. I lost my career as a result of this. I know if I continue to drink, my future will be eventually spent in jail if I don't quit.
Thanks again everyone... Very good advice.
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