sharp75

Hi all you will all probablys know about my drink problem but i have another issue on my mind, my big bro. he used to drink everynight but since he got a new job which involves driving they do breathilisers on a morning so he only drinks at weekedns now. i know he has a drink problem aswell as me yet im sorting my problem out with detox yet hes still in denial. i always knew he drank loads and a few months ago i admitted to him i had a drink problem but he told me i musnt have one as i dont drink through the day just on a night, but im not stupid, i know he was just saying that because if he were to accept i had a problem he would basically be admitting he had one aswell. recently i was admitted to hospital with bad stomach pain through drink and my mam told my brother and my brothers wife end up speaking to my mam in private telling her she was scared about my brother as even thoughhe no longer drinks through the week, he drinks excessively on a weekend,iv heard people that miss days tend to double the amount when they do get to have a drink and i know hes doing this. he doesnt know when to stop, i always get told that hell actually falls asleep on his computer chair which shows he cant just stop and go to bed he waiits til his body just gives in to sleep and he passes out. his wife said she has told him her concerns but he just says its his way of winding down. as i have the problem myself i know i cant confront him as it didnt work with me, it took me to reach the point of thinking i was dying before i sought help but im worried he might never get to the point of wanting help as iv had family members who have never seeked help and drank themselves to death. what do i do? do i sit back and wait for him to reach rock bottom yet in years to come he might still be in denial and i might think to myself"i should have mentioned something sooner" or do i say something now or when detoxed. im hoping when he knows im getting detox it might hit him .

Anna

I'm sorry you're going through this right now. First off, remember that your own recovery has to be your priority. And, you're right, you likely can't convince your brother to change. The best thing to do might be to let him see the changes in you as you recover.

Dee74

Anna is absolutely right

It's common for most of us to want to help our loved ones now that we're working on helping ourselves...but I think the focus is best on you now - recovery's a big job.

Anna's also right in that none of us can convince anyone else to change - they have to want it themselves.

Maybe further down the track your brother will see the changes in you, he'll come to you for advice - and you'll be in a far better position to give it then

D

sharp75

your right anna at least if i concentrate on myself i can provide him with support when or if he admits to himself. im just scared he may never admit it as many family members didnt seek help and ended up in an early grave. since iv been out of hospital hes never once contacted me to see how i am and i believe its more down to the fact he doesnt want to know as hell then realise himself he has a problem whereas if i was in hospital for something non associated with drink he would have contacted me

Dee74

There's always hope sharp - I hope your brother may one day follow your example

sharp75

your so right dee since iv worked out i have a problem me and other family members have realised he has a problem. he has 4 kids aged 9, 2 and twins who are 5 month old . i was asked if i could stay overnight on a saturday to help look after the kids, mainly the twins so my brothers wife could attend a hen party which would be over night(shes not a drinker, just wanted a night out) but she said she didnt want to leave the kids alone with my brother and even though she never admitted it i knew it was because he wanted a drink and wouldnt be able to take care of the kids whilst drunk or hungover. i never agreed to it as i have my own family to take crae of so she obviously didnt go. theres even times when shes had a night out and my boyfriend has been the one to pick her up because he wont because he wants a drink.

tomsteve

you can help by being a good example of what sobriety has to offer. i know any preaching didnt help me. it took desperation, but hopefully he doesnt let it get to that point. prayers for him and to you.