Outcast for life.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Eastern Wa. State
Posts: 10
Outcast for life.
"Maybe you can find support here Area 92 Alcoholics Anonymous Meetings and then find a sponsor who can guide you through the steps. Try reading Alcoholics Anonymous"
I did start going (Back) to meetings and found what was going to be my home group. I stayed sober soo, so close to 3 months. I found myself not connecting to folks and still felt like an absolute outcast..Story of my Life.! I really felt to be a burden to these people and gave up. I have always been rejected as a person and alcohol has always been my friend. I have alot of physical/mental problems, and never have gotten through these. I know I started drinking alot again after getting off morphine to control my physical pain. (accident=morphine) These days being so far out of town in my so very isolated world, I drink to kill both pains and to even get daily chores done. I can't even ride my horses anymore without having to be amped uped on wine, or beer. Horses sense so well when I am relax or tense. They are great when I am relaxed..I can not ride so much anymore w/o., or it's a awful tense ride. I am a pretty much certified hermit now.. But I am glad I found this site.. I linked this sight to a great friend back home who happens to be a dual diag. counselor..Lol.. we got sober together back in 2000. Thank you for having this group and brings me so much hope..
I now know I have a dual addiction of alcohol and food.. with severe depression involved. When I am not drinking I fill my self with awful food to fufill my self. This is getting worse and never had a food addiction till the last year or just denied I did. I am even worse in my depression now from the weight gain.. So not only being an alcoholic..I am a food addict and in severe depression.. This is the worst state I have ever been in. I should be happy and finally living in my own home with my horses, but I am not. I did move cross state and have no friends here and feel no happiness as I should. Been here 8 months and still will not unpack or make it my home. I bought this place up in moutains to be serene and happy and has not been so. I wish I could find friends for support like from home , but can't. Glad to of found this sight, at least I can be honest here. Thanks for reading..
I did start going (Back) to meetings and found what was going to be my home group. I stayed sober soo, so close to 3 months. I found myself not connecting to folks and still felt like an absolute outcast..Story of my Life.! I really felt to be a burden to these people and gave up. I have always been rejected as a person and alcohol has always been my friend. I have alot of physical/mental problems, and never have gotten through these. I know I started drinking alot again after getting off morphine to control my physical pain. (accident=morphine) These days being so far out of town in my so very isolated world, I drink to kill both pains and to even get daily chores done. I can't even ride my horses anymore without having to be amped uped on wine, or beer. Horses sense so well when I am relax or tense. They are great when I am relaxed..I can not ride so much anymore w/o., or it's a awful tense ride. I am a pretty much certified hermit now.. But I am glad I found this site.. I linked this sight to a great friend back home who happens to be a dual diag. counselor..Lol.. we got sober together back in 2000. Thank you for having this group and brings me so much hope..
I now know I have a dual addiction of alcohol and food.. with severe depression involved. When I am not drinking I fill my self with awful food to fufill my self. This is getting worse and never had a food addiction till the last year or just denied I did. I am even worse in my depression now from the weight gain.. So not only being an alcoholic..I am a food addict and in severe depression.. This is the worst state I have ever been in. I should be happy and finally living in my own home with my horses, but I am not. I did move cross state and have no friends here and feel no happiness as I should. Been here 8 months and still will not unpack or make it my home. I bought this place up in moutains to be serene and happy and has not been so. I wish I could find friends for support like from home , but can't. Glad to of found this sight, at least I can be honest here. Thanks for reading..
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Hi, Z.
So where are you today in regards to recovery? Are you back on that sober horse (pun intended)?
Some people drink and become depressed. Some are depressed and drink. You sound like the latter. Quitting drinking would be half the battle. Any chance you can tackle the issue of your depression with a professional? Perhaps a different approach to pain management? Just a thought.
So where are you today in regards to recovery? Are you back on that sober horse (pun intended)?
Some people drink and become depressed. Some are depressed and drink. You sound like the latter. Quitting drinking would be half the battle. Any chance you can tackle the issue of your depression with a professional? Perhaps a different approach to pain management? Just a thought.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,494
Welcome!
I wonder if you have talked to your dr about your depression. It could be possible that medication would help you. And, I think that switching from one addiction to another is not too surprising. I know that it takes a lot of work to deal with the emotional and spiritual changes we need, in order to stay sober.
I wonder if you have talked to your dr about your depression. It could be possible that medication would help you. And, I think that switching from one addiction to another is not too surprising. I know that it takes a lot of work to deal with the emotional and spiritual changes we need, in order to stay sober.
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Welcome Zarozina -
I didn't know until I got sober that alcohol was responsible for most of my depression and anxiety, even though I had a problem with depression that started earlier in my life. Drinking made things 100 times worse.
I know how it feels to look at your life and not be able to find one positive thing. It's overwhelming. Things really can change though if we break it down into manageable bites and just focus on what's in front of us today. Baby steps add up! My first day sober, I set really small goals, like not having a drink for the next 15 minutes. Sometimes it was minute by minute, but it got easier as I went along. I couldn't have done it without the support here - I felt so helpless, I needed the encouragement of others to motivate me.
A lot of people are affected by addiction - you're not alone. I think you took a huge step today already by reaching out.
Keep reading and posting!
I didn't know until I got sober that alcohol was responsible for most of my depression and anxiety, even though I had a problem with depression that started earlier in my life. Drinking made things 100 times worse.
I know how it feels to look at your life and not be able to find one positive thing. It's overwhelming. Things really can change though if we break it down into manageable bites and just focus on what's in front of us today. Baby steps add up! My first day sober, I set really small goals, like not having a drink for the next 15 minutes. Sometimes it was minute by minute, but it got easier as I went along. I couldn't have done it without the support here - I felt so helpless, I needed the encouragement of others to motivate me.
A lot of people are affected by addiction - you're not alone. I think you took a huge step today already by reaching out.
Keep reading and posting!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 1,393
I isolated with the drinking. Through sobriety, I make it a point to get out everyday. Walk the dog, go to the store, library just anywhere. I'm comfortable in many situations that used to upset me. I think it takes practice. Urge surfing is what helps me to avoid panic attacks. Google it. Good luck!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Eastern Wa. State
Posts: 10
Thanks you guys.. Have had new dr. since move.. she pretty much dusted me under the rug.. I thought I had a caring dr, but oh well. I only can afford to travel to town 2-3 times a week because of gas.. Way out and no easy transit.. I am gas guss dodge truck driver, sorry.. I will say this..Even me talking here has helped me and know I can get through this soon. I would LOVE to get my happy self confident life back.. But.. not happining. Yet.. At least i know I can vent here and when someone has no one to do that with.. you can here..Except cuss words, haha. I think I mis-spoke and would not let me post for foul language..
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Eastern Wa. State
Posts: 10
I am really sick of making excuses.. Was to be on a ride at 10 am and instead cancelled because I stayed awake all night dreading riding today. I hate having to make myself do the things I use to love to do. Still I am going, but not till 1:00 because I postponed. I really don't want to but told neighbor I would. I always remember Seinfields Dad.. Serenity Now... And I need.. Sobriety is getting close. I kinda wish someone could knock me up side the head and make me realize how grateful I should be..Hope everyone has a great day.. I am hoping my ride is pleasent..
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Eastern Wa. State
Posts: 10
I forgot to add.. I did text the gal I was in contact with the closest the other day from AA asking for some info on support. Never heard back.. and that was 3 days ago, so I guess that avenue is obvious.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Eastern Wa. State
Posts: 10
Originally Posted by sugarbear1 
Write a gratitude list when you return from riding. I dare ya! 
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
