witharealwinner

This morning went very well. We had no hearing, he looked very dejected, deflated.

He agreed to the PFA, but refused to admit any wrongdoing. He has to stay away from me for a year.

He was very concerned about money (my attorney even made mention of this) and getting his half of the house, decided that every other weekend is ok to see the babies, from Sat am to Sun pm, when I have to drive back and pick them up. He said that he can't see them this weekend, but next weekend would work. Why he says this is beyond me, since he is back in our old hometown and basically has quit his job; I don't know what he could possibly be doing. He hasn't seen his babies in a week, that would be the FIRST thing I'd be worried about, not my house. His work would hold his job for him so that he can get an apartment, but I guess quitting again and sponging off relatives is so much better.

Oh well. I am not too keen on his driving up here to get them and take them back, but visits are supposed to take place at one of his siblings' homes and he is not to drink and if I smell alcohol on him, I can refuse.

He has no car seats, no cribs, nothing. He has no money. I have to go now and file custody papers.

It has been so wonderful without him here. No more alcoholic abusive insanity.

I am so concerned about the babies. I hope they will be ok. I want them to know their dad, but I sure hope they'll be safe.

Pelican

Thanks for sharing the update. I'm glad you were able to get the order for a year.

Since he doesn't have a job, money or necessary child care items; I wouldn't count on him to follow through with visitation. Allow him the opportunity to schedule visits without a reminder from you. He may not visit every other weekend as allowed. He may only visit every other month and only for a few hours.

You continue being a great mom for your babies everyday, and you will be okay!

witharealwinner

Thanks for the advice. While I am not new to the courts and visitations (exMIL and grandparents rights) I AM new to the whole custody/visitation thing with a father.

I'm not sure I did the right thing today, b/c of my issues with his drinking, but the legal advocate told me I was.

He already didn't show up at noon like he was permitted to, to pick up some more clothing for himself. He just didn't show! I thought that maybe he'd use that time to get his stuff, then see the babies for a little. I was really surprised that he didn't come.

As far as him not showing up, that's why my attorney made it so that he picks them up, so if he doesn't show, I don't have to worry about it.

How do others handle things like car seats, clothing, diapers, etc? Do I supply them for him since he has no job? I REALLY have no idea.

headstrong

I am sorry you are going through this. I am the RA. I have a restraining order against me. It was a wakeup call. Hopefully this will do the same for your ex. After going four months without seeing my daughter, missing her first steps, first Thanksgiving, first Christmas/New Years, and first birthday, I woke up. It wasn't until the de novo hearing (appeal) that I was even given the opportunity to see her or go back to the house to get my things. It was a restraining order in the purest sense. So I'm not sure what was arranged that you two can be in the vacinity of each other. My aunt still has to meet my ex to pick up my daughter for me. I now can't get enough of my daughter.

Anyway, I would suggest packing the diaper bag(s) as you would for an overnight. Don't provide all of the diapers/supplies, but do provide some. Set expectations. Tell him he needs to provide diapers too. Give him enough rope to hang himself if he chooses to. If the kids come back dirty, in the same clothes, etc, document it.

Edit: I also dont' know what arrangements were made for you two to communicate. You should really use something like Our Family Wizard which can be admisable in court. Message each other. A phone call between you two won't stand up in court. A message between you two using Our Family Wizard will. It also allows you to journal. The journal entries, if written within a reasonable amount of time, can also be admitted in court. I have mentioned OFW in a couple of threads here. No, I don't work for them. I am a happy customer.

witharealwinner

That makes sense. I don't want him to continue to take advantage of me, as I've provided 99.9% of everything these babies need since they've been born, but I don't want to make them suffer b/c of their dad, either. I think I can count on both hands the number of things he's bought for them.

That's not even counting how much I've supported HIM while he lived the good life on unemployment, using his money for alcohol.

I will document everything.

They said that we could text each other with regard to the babies.

pinkdog

I would not let him drive with the kids in the car. Even if I had to drive them there and back. I would not let the kids ride with him. Too dangerous.

headstrong

I would still try to protect yourself. Find out if the text messages can be admissible in court. Since you are also seeking custody, you want to do it right the first time. You want to make sure that the evidence is admissible and all of it is presented to the courts. It is extremely difficult to go back and "fix" something that didn't get admitted or was thrown out by the judge because he was having a bad day.