lm204

Hi everyone,

I posted yesterday about my breakup. i'm going for some EMDR therapy this afternoon and am hoping that it helps me deal with some of the things that happened during the relationship, as well as the breakup.

I saw my ex today at work and i made no eye contact with him and got out of the room he was in as fast as i could. at work he is so together and functional. it messes a bit with my mind to see him chatting politely with my co-workers when i have so many memories of being yelled at, humiliated, threatened and lied to. i feel like maybe i'm the crazy one some days when i see him acting like a normal person at work.

That said, I'm feeling much more positive today than i have felt in a long time!

Thanks for listening!

Ann

Good for you for walking away, lm. Some of the most abusive men pass as "gentlemen" by people who don't know better. Years ago I remember visiting a friend and her somewhat new husband, less than a year of marriage. He was friendly and kind and hugged her and spoke softly and I thought he was a great match for my friend. I just got home from the visit and the phone ran, it was my friend...he had just beat her and she wanted to go to the hospital. She left and never went back to him.

You know in your heart how toxic your relationship with him can be and you are now focused on taking very good care of yourself. It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks, it doesn't matter if they understand or not...what matters is you taking care of you. And you are doing a great job I think.

Hugs

hope213

it takes time but u will get there. i agree u are doing great.

dollydo

You are doing fine, trust your decision and keep moving forward!

lm204

thanks everyone!

i woke up missing him this morning and had to sit with the feelings of grief for a long time, but they passed. they keep bubbling up and i am making it a priority to pay gentle attention to them when they come up.

lm204

hey everybody,

just an update...

i haven't been in contact with my ex for 22 days! i feel much much better...the sadness is lifting and much of it that remains is for my own experiences in the relationship, not because i miss him.

i've been going to therapy and learning more about some of the things that happened in between us...there was a lot of verbal abuse, and the more i read about how it functions between two people, the less crazy i feel. i found a website called 'you are not crazy' that deconstructed verbal abuse and has some recordings of abusive interactions. i wanted to cry with relief when i listened to them. this is what i've lived with for almost 4 years and i could never get enough space from him to understand what in the hell was going on.

now it's been 3 weeks since i've been verbally attacked or manipulated and i vow to never ever let myself be treated like that again.

i will never go back to him and i will never be involved with anyone with an addiction who has not sought treatment and healing...nevermind multiple addictions like my ex.

he still emails me throughout the week. i still feel a bit lonely. but there is no way on earth a man in that shape could give me the relationship i desire. it's largely not about my worth, it's about his capability.