Live2Run25

I notice a lot of people around here tend to stray away from bars and situations that have alcohol galore (which I totally understand), but what about special events? I have a friend who has a birthday this weekend. They have invited us to go to Baltimore with them for dinner and whatever (which I’m sure includes bars). I’m still going to go. I feel different than most here. I’m NOT going to go to bars all the time, or even without GOOD reason, but honestly I would feel more “likely” to drink if I was the one sitting at home by myself while everyone went out and had fun. I know that I can’t drink, and my friends and boyfriend are aware and fully supportive. I feel that I have to be able to do these things from time to time (without drinking) to keep feeling like myself. I can’t avoid bars my whole life. I like to face my problems head on. Is there anyone else that feels this way? Or am I just being.. well.. stubborn?

Again, just to reiterate. I'm not going to start going to bars for no reason, but I don't expect everyone else to always work around me because I don't drink.

Opinions?

GiGi13

I know how you feel...i would avoid social events (especially new years eve parties) because i didnt want to drink in public...i was a private drinker.. ive been on and off the wagon so many times and its hard getting back out there and feeling "normal" because you feel "left out". I even thought to myself..well...if im sober long enough..maybe i can have a social drink or two...bad idea imho. cause as par for the course..it will lead to "oh i handled 1 drink this time...next time i can handle 2..then 3 ....then before you know it...your off the wagon...ive done it.. just be careful...and try not to be like I am..ive been a hermit for over a year now..even going out in crowds ..just to a store makes me jumpy... try not to deny yourself fun with family and friends..dont think about the drink...if you wanna feel like you fit in...drink seltzer with cranberry juice or something... but dont let this BEAT you...it WANTS to beat you...but YOU are stronger than IT IS!!.. hang in there hun!

Live2Run25

Thank you GiGi. I feel so strong right now! I really think I can do fine, and honestly, I don't even have the desire to drink. What I do have the desire for is to be normal...or atleast be able to ACT normal. Everyone is aware i'm no longer drinking, so they'd probably kick my butt if I even thought about it anyway!

sober4myboys

For me, I have decided that I will avoid any bar or event that may tempt me for the time being. I may someday feel okay to join in, but I don't want to put myself in that situation right now. In my opinion (generally speaking) nothing good comes from a bar so why go? I would rather read at home than go. Just my opinion :0).

Jimuk

I have a wedding to attend on Saturday, my friends will want me to drink with them, but I'm going to drive then I have my excuse not to feel any pressure to drink.

As for pubs and bars I'm very social but will stay away untill I,ve built up some confidence and will power. Hopefully.

artsoul

I think it's an individual thing. There are still times when I turn down invitations - it just depends on the people and whether I feel I'll be comfortable in the atmosphere. I attended a reception right after getting sober (it was for me, so I could hardly get out of it!), and got through it with no problem.

It helps to have a plan, I think, so that you can leave if you want to. Eating will help and if your friends and bf are supportive, that's even better!

tomsteve

as long as the motives are right, i'm in fit spiritual condition, and i have an escape route, i can go where there is alcohol.

Live2Run25

I can see both sides of this. I just don't know what to do. I want to be with my boyfriend and go. I don't want to be the girlfriend he can't take anywhere because I have a problem with alcohol. I can't exactly tell his friends to change their plans. I guess I could just as easily say " I'm not going" but I really dont' want to say that. It's really not about the alcohol. It's about being with friends I enjoy. They aren't hardcore drinkers, so I don't believe that pressure would be a problem. I just don't know where to go from here.

Dee74

Like others have said, I think it's an individual thing.

I stayed away from all those social kinds of things until I was honestly sure I could face any situation with my sobriety intact - for me that took quite a few months - but now I can go anywhere.

Curiously tho, I don't like bars anymore - I find them kinda sad and empty places now - I'd much rather meet my friends over a meal or a coffee now

D

Live2Run25

Everyone, I have changed my mind. I've decided i'm not going because after I got to thinking about it, I really don't think it's a good idea for me at the time. So I simply said that I would not be attending. I feel bad, but I have to think about ME FIRST. Thanks everyone! Sad but I know it's the right thing to do.

Dee74

The way I looked at it?
There will be a million other opportunities like that - when I feel it's right.

I think you made the right call for you Live2Run

D

hypochondriac

My feelings on this have changed a lot in the 3-4 months I've been sober. I avoided pubs etc a lot to start of with but I was just trying not to do what I tried before...just carrying on as normal and not drinking, in the same places with the same people. It didn't work. So I avoided them as a temporary measure but still went out when I couldn't avoid it. I was always very proud when I managed a night out sober, and I have been clubbing, to football matches, parties, all fine, until the one occasion when I wasn't. I think it has more to do with your state of mind than where you are. I grew up in pubs from an early age and they haven't always been about drinking for me.

I say do what you like. If you don't feel up to going out, really don't do it. But if you feel good about it then why not. Just be on guard x

Live2Run25

Thanks. I Do too! I really thought I could, but the more I think about it, the more i'm not okay with sitting in a bar with a bunch of drinking people, and me just kinda sitting there.

walktheline1

I've been in the same situation recently. I'm 43 days sober and went to visit my girl friend out of state. All of her friends were doing a very elaborate pub crawl where everyone dressed as pirates and went bar hopping. I came along as the sober cab and made it 7 hours before I freaked out. The last bar was loud, everyone was hammered, and they were playing really ****** music. I couldn't handle it and started gettin panicky. Luckily my gf and one of our freinds understood and came and hung out outside with me. With the exception of the last bar, i had a great time and met a lot of new people. Its not everyday that 30 or so people dress up as pirates and parade around. Lol. I also found out that there were a lot of other sober people at the pubs. Just make sure there is an escape route in case things go terribly wrong for whatever reason. The brain can be very weak in recovery. I would have never gone out without trusted people that were also pretty sober. In hind sight I should have gone for an hour or two and left instead of hanging around so long.

sharp75

i havnt reached this point yet as i am still waiting for detox and 1 question that entered my mind and asked my boyfriend about is what do i do if i get invited to a party or something and we discussed it for a while. we thought of a few scenarios such as if you arent drinking and people notice they will ask and if you say you dont want to theyll call you boring and the peer pressure of people taking the **** out of you for not drinking makes you think f it ill have a drink so i came to the conclusion that if i was ever in that position i would just admit why and that would shut them up straight away (some of them could even have a problem, havnt admitted it so being around other drinkers will make them feel better). you could also say your on antibiotics if you dont want to tell them the truth and just think its not you thats going to be waking up feeling like **** the next day wishing you hadnt drank so much. also taking your own car is a good idea as im a heavy drinker but have attened occassions where iv had to drive so i havnt had a drink. if i hadnt had my car i know i would have getting pissed. in my opinion even though im honestly no expert, if i felt i could have fun without drink then i would go but if i felt like i would be sitting chewed to bits because i couldnt drink then i wouldnt go. when your sober aswell you might actually get to see how much people make complete arses of themselves which you dont notice when youve been drinking lol many people have told you not to go but even though you dont drink, the alchol is still ruling your life by stopping you from going to special occasions and as you said you like to face problems head on, maybes this is your chance to challenge yourself and show you dont need drink at all.. if people think im wrong im sorry

Luling

That's a smart move, L2R. This is just temporary anyway; you won't have to sit these things out forever.

Live2Run25

Yep! Baltimore is where I used to go for "day drinking" and actually I've never been without drinking with the exception of a ball game a week or two ago. I think I would be a HUGE trigger and i'm just not willing to throw this away to celebrate a birthday!

aNewEternity

if you have some confidence it is not a bad thing to expose yourself to urge-provoking situations. then once you beat them back you add to your virtual 'toolbox' for coping with urges, and in the process make them less frequent/severe. I've been in two drinking/bar situations with drinking friends in the past week and the thought of alcohol went away after a minute or two. I also put an extra 'roadblock' in the way of a slip by offering to drive.

Leo17

I would only go if your resolve is 100% that you won't drink or feel pressured to. If that criteria is met, have a blast!!

DisplacedGRITS

I don't pretend that i will never be around alcohol again but i do try to make myself aware of those situations and prepare myself in advance. "Knowing is half the battle" lol. If i was feeling particularly vulnerable i wouldn't go but if i felt safe and had a supportive network of friends then no prob. Heck, every time i dine out at a Mexican place and me and my husband are the only ones not drinking margaritas is sometimes a bit strange. I don't dine out at Mexican places alone! Alcohol is a part of most people's social life and that's a fact we have to face. How we deal with it is up to the individual alcoholic and where they are in their sobriety and what kind of support they have.