effortjoy

I'm back to an old question: what if I only want to admit to myself and people here on SR that I am an alcoholic? Those close to me know to some extent but for some reason, I still don't want to tell them. Maybe it's the shame. Maybe it means that if I do, I can't change my mind and have a drink occasionally. Maybe it makes me too vulnerable. Can I recover even if no one in my life knows?

frances2011

Hi effortjoy!

My experience was that I was completely unable to use the Alcoholic word for months and months. Now that I'm sober 15 months, I'm totally fine calling myself an Alcoholic here on SR. Cause I am!

I started off with a 3-month sobriety goal because I was training for a half marathon. Once I got there I saw how much better my life was and I committed to 6 months. Then I decided to go for a year. At about 9 months I knew I was never going to have a drink again.

My mom was a drunk and I just couldn't use the same word to describe myself as her. Lots of shame, etc.

My experience was that I didn't stop drinking for good until I confessed my secret to one loving friend by telephone. I told her I had a drinking problem, it was causing me terrible distress and I was going to stop. She supported me. Then I told my husband the same thing.

Fifteen months on, in real life I simply tell people that I stopped drinking for my health.

My recovery community is SR.

I am tickled pink on a daily basis that I will never have another hangover and that I will never feel ashamed of my drinking again. All I have to do is not drink!

sugarbear1

I suggest you go ahead and try to stay stopped on your own. Just do it!

If that doesn't work, then maybe seek outside help? Lots of AA meetings in D.C. are available all day long!

Glad you are here!

estelle

Try to quit regardless of who you tell, but if you feel unable to tell friends and family maybe speak to your GP, you might be able to get some counselling.

MrsKing

I haven't admitted the extent of my problem to anyone, really, except my husband. That doesn't mean people don't know, because they must know, it was glaringly obvious to everyone but me. It doesn't mean I should feel obliged to talk it through with people though, it doesn't mean that I should feel under any pressure to tell the world that I have a problem and I am doing something about it. The only person who needs to know, really, is you. Once you know that you have a problem and you know that you are going to do something about it - that's when things change. Don't put yourself under stress by believing that you are not doing this right if you choose privacy. Everyone is different. Some people find that it aids in their recovery to be open and honest with everyone they know about their issue, while others like to keep it behind closed doors. I'm the latter, and I'll probably never admit to many people the extent of my problem. I tell people I am no longer drinking. When they ask why, I say "because I've had enough".

flutter

I've never gone around announcing that I'm an alcoholic, but I have been very clear that I no longer drink.. the rest isn't anyone's business or burden to carry.

nonblondechef

I so relate to what you are feeling. I struggle(d) with the stigma of the title big time. I'm very newly recovered at 5 months. However, if I go to a meeting, I feel no shame in saying "the words". Those closest to me know I have quit drinking, are supportive and that's that. It's not a badge of horror I wear, but more of a daily reminder to me, and no one else, that I no longer drink and my life is immeasureably better for those three little words.

munchkin05

When I first admitted to myself that I was an alcoholic it took me about a month to be able to admit it to anyone else other than my husband.
Then the only people I told were the ones that I consider most important.
My Dad, my doctors, my therapists, and my acupuncturist.
My husband already more or less knew because even though I hid a lot he knew I drank a lot!

I wanted to tell my Dad because other than my husband and son, he is the next most important person in my life and I wanted to have as many allies on my side when tackling this war.
Last, I told my doctors, therapists and acupuncturists simply because that way they would know how to approach treatment for me.
It didn't make sense to keep that hidden from the people who are trying to help me get better.

Anna

Yes, I believe you can.

When I first started drinking, the shame and my reclusiveness prevented me from telling anyone what was going on with me. As my recovery continued, I began to realize that for me, the choice would be to recover privately. I had a hard time with self-esteem in early recovery, and the last thing I needed was a family member or friend giving me advice or looking at me with pity. As time went on, I began to see, that everyone has a 'story', and there's no need to share with others unless you choose to.

LOVINGRA

I think so long as you admit it to yourself and don't drink -- you are OK. However, please don't put yourself in situations where others are drinking, and you are uncomfortable. My BF's boss knows which is good because when BF goes to big weekends, the boss knows why BF goes back to his room after dinner. If I am there, it is enough moral support, but I also prefer he not be around boozing. It's still too hard for him.

When the waiters push alcohol on us -- he says a polite no thank you. I would love to scream: Leave us alone -- he's recovering!!!! But my BF would kill me. I think he still feels some sense of shame. And possibly many people don't understand the disease process. For me -- I am so proud of him. I love recovering alcoholics -- they are some of the best people. None of us is without our problems.

PeacefulRain

I haven't told anyone either. I just said I stopped drinking altogether. Nobody really knew the extent of it anyway. In the last few months I started eating all organic food and very vocal in spreading the word about the dangers of GMOs in our food and that in Nov we (CA) vote on if food sold in CA has to be labeled that it contains GMOs. I'm pretty sure everyone attributes it to that.

I'm pretty sure if I had herpes I wouldn't be announcing it. I'm committed to sobriety that's all that matters in my opinion. Of couse my husband know but when it has come up in the last few weeks I just say no thanks I don't drink anymore.