MelanieM

I had yet another relapse this past Sunday. Fortunately it only lasted a day and not a full week as it has in the past. This tells me my recovery is working. I had 2 months clean and threw that clean time away. I am ashamed and pissed at myself. But I realized very early in the relapse how stupid what I was doing was. I checked my self into a hospital and stayed a couple of hours. Things were not pretty when I got home, but I was soon right back on track. I am a fuul time college student and I made an A 100% on my medical office manegement test last night. I know although relapses are not OK, they are part of recovery and they come with the nature of the disease. You cannot measure success without failure.
I will not let this setback ruin me !! I will rise up from it and learn from it !!
Anyway, here is the poem:

My Name is Crack

I destroy homes....... I tear families apart.
I take your children......and that's just the start.
I'm more costly than diamonds, more precious than gold.
The sorrow I bring, is a sight to behold.
If you need me, remember, I'm easily found...
I live all around you...in schools and in town.
I live with the rich...I live with the poor...
I live down the street...maybe even next door!
I am made in such ways...you can shoot me or smoke...
I used to be called "cocaine...or coke"
The sound that I make, when you're inhaling my stench...
Is how my name "Crack" came to be...(perfect sense)
My power is awesome; try me, you'll see...
But if you do, you may never break free.
Just try me once, and I may let you go...
But try me twice, and I'll own your soul.
When "I" possess you, you'll steal and you'll lie.
You'll do what you have to, just to get "high".
The crimes you'll commit, for my narcotic charms...
Will be worth the pleasure you'll feel in your arms, lungs and nose.
You'll lie to your mother; you'll steal from your dad.....
When you see their tears, ...you should feel sad.
But you will forget your morals...and how you were raised.....
I'll be your "conscience"...I'll teach you "my ways".
I'll take kids from parents, and parents from kids.
I turn people from "GOD".....and separate friends.
I'll take everything from you, ...your looks and your pride.
I'll be with you ALWAYS.......right by your side.
You'll give up everything...your family, your home....
your friends,.... your money....then you'll be all alone.
I'll take & take, till you have nothing more to give...
When I'm finished with you....you'll be lucky to live.
If you try me, be warned........this is no "game"...
If given the chance....I'll drive you insane!
I'll ravish your body...I'll control your mind..
I'll own you "completely"....your "soul" will be mine!
The nightmares I'll give you, while lying in bed...
The voices you'll hear.....from inside your head...
The sweats, the shakes...the "visions" you'll see...
I want you to know...these are ALL "gifts from me".
But then it's too late, and you'll know in your heart..
That you are MINE.....and we shall not part....
You'll regret that you tried me...they always do...
But YOU came to ME...Not "I" to you......
You knew this would happen,...many times you were told...
But you challenged my "power"...and chose to be "bold".
You could have said "no".....and just walked away...
If you could live that day over...now what would you say???
I'll be your "Master".....and you'll be my slave...
I'll even go with you...when you go to your grave.
Now that you have met me...what will you do??
Will you try me or not? It's all up to you....
I can bring you more misery than words can tell...
Come take my hand....let me lead you to HELL!!!!

larrylive

Welcome...

I saw the other post first, made me curious. Seems your not alone, plenty of us recovering crackheads attending college and posting here. I hope to hear more from you and your successes.

Bw Well,
Larry

MelanieM

Thanks Larry, I read several of your previous posts today.
I have this love hate relationship with crack. I hate that I love it . But I am determined to beat this disease, one day at a time. Just for today !! I am grateful to be clean today. So my clean time starts over again, but thats OK. This was a minor setback.
Looking forward to this new recovery tool. It helps to read and hear about other peoples stories and coping methods.

larrylive

Don't focus on "clean time", think about where you're going from here. We all have had our share of slips once we decided it was time for a change.

Larry

Weasel1966

" I had 2 months clean and threw that clean time away. "

Are you kidding me?

You still have two months clean. Stop the BS.

Every day we have sober is one we lived a little more.

I find time to be irrelevant to determining my sobriety.

Your post is cool. You sound strong. Thanks. Ya helped me today.

MelanieM

I know it is stupid to focus on clean time but for some reason I always kept up with it. Maybe I shouldnt even count days anymore. It really didnt do me any good to keep up with it anyway. I didnt think it was BS though.

Weasel1966

I meant BS about thinking you did not accomplish anything. You did.

Counting days is important for some... Including me. But I tend to try an not focus on that.

You will always have those two months clean. That's a great thing.

Hope you continue to succeed.

mandiqt

This poem is what made me decide I wanted sobriety from crack.so many years ago (7/2000). Today I am a professor and 2 classes away from my PhD. Sobriety is a choice and everyday sober is once step towards an awesome life.....

Notimetoloose

Awesome, truly wonderful...
Good luck with your last 2 classes...
I am sure you did a lot of work to get where you are now. Be very proud of yourself.
Do you recognise the person you were then?

Soberwolf

Welcome Mandiqt reading your post filled me with joy WOW I think I even welled a bit #Awesome

Really nice to meet you

mandiqt

I found this forum because of a Facebook post with the poem (the same poem that opened my eyes so many years ago) and wanted to share the successes of my recovery with others in recovery and hopefully in some way encourage and inspire others in their recovery.....