And here's my intro
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2012
Location: NYC
Posts: 2
And here's my intro
I've been reading this forum for weeks now. I know full well that the moment one googles 'problem drinking', a part of us already knows we've got a problem. I'm not an armchair tourist in this land. At the age of 34, I have too many moments that I wish I hadn't abdicated to alcohol's control.
The saddest part is that I, like many newcomers, am not entirely convinced I need to quit alcohol for life. I know that drinking isn't doing me any favors. I know my right side hurts (albeit slightly) in a way that it shouldn't, that I'm playing Russian Roulette with my innards, and that my recurring desire for oblivion is not to be underestimated. I also know that it's possible I'll close this window before hitting 'post'.
Being all that as it may, I respect your crowdsourced wisdom. I know that many of you are now living better lives for having chosen to stay unremittingly sober. I bristle at the idea of any one substance having power over my mind, but that is the ego talking and I know how it & addiction make the best of friends.
So here I am, asking myself: what next? I can choose not to drink tonight, tomorrow, the day after. I keep choosing, until the urgency to do so dissipates and the 'just one glass' voice becomes stronger. One glass always turns into three; sometimes the whole bottle. The illusion of control is strongest when it is least necessary. When the issue becomes 'stop now', it's usually out to lunch.
From reading the forum, I've absorbed the ever-present conviction that we - the alcohol dependent - don't drink like them normals. I'm not sure that's as black & white for me. I often drink like them, and they often drink as much or more than I do. We are all human, fallible, at times broken. But the point is not to compare myself to others. The reason I am writing here is that I too crave more sanity, and a greater part of me than not believes that such sanity is hindered by excess alcohol consumption.
So I shall do what many of you suggest: try to abstain for a month, see whether my solace can be found elsewhere. Find out how little or how much of me has become intertwined with an external promise of absolution.
I wish peace and joy to all of you here!
The saddest part is that I, like many newcomers, am not entirely convinced I need to quit alcohol for life. I know that drinking isn't doing me any favors. I know my right side hurts (albeit slightly) in a way that it shouldn't, that I'm playing Russian Roulette with my innards, and that my recurring desire for oblivion is not to be underestimated. I also know that it's possible I'll close this window before hitting 'post'.
Being all that as it may, I respect your crowdsourced wisdom. I know that many of you are now living better lives for having chosen to stay unremittingly sober. I bristle at the idea of any one substance having power over my mind, but that is the ego talking and I know how it & addiction make the best of friends.
So here I am, asking myself: what next? I can choose not to drink tonight, tomorrow, the day after. I keep choosing, until the urgency to do so dissipates and the 'just one glass' voice becomes stronger. One glass always turns into three; sometimes the whole bottle. The illusion of control is strongest when it is least necessary. When the issue becomes 'stop now', it's usually out to lunch.
From reading the forum, I've absorbed the ever-present conviction that we - the alcohol dependent - don't drink like them normals. I'm not sure that's as black & white for me. I often drink like them, and they often drink as much or more than I do. We are all human, fallible, at times broken. But the point is not to compare myself to others. The reason I am writing here is that I too crave more sanity, and a greater part of me than not believes that such sanity is hindered by excess alcohol consumption.
So I shall do what many of you suggest: try to abstain for a month, see whether my solace can be found elsewhere. Find out how little or how much of me has become intertwined with an external promise of absolution.
I wish peace and joy to all of you here!
Choosing Life
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Montana
Posts: 1,435
Your post shows a lot of wisdom and a lot of insight into yourself. That's awesome and it will help you do this thing!
I, too, clung to the idea that "someday" I'd be able to drink like a normal person. Insane, really, since I've never drank like a "normie" EVER. It's hard to picture a life without alcohol; that's one of the things that drove me back to the bottle over and over again even though I knew what the consequences would be. That's the madness of it all.
I'm glad you're here, and I wish peace and joy to you as well. Thanks for making us part of your journey.
I, too, clung to the idea that "someday" I'd be able to drink like a normal person. Insane, really, since I've never drank like a "normie" EVER. It's hard to picture a life without alcohol; that's one of the things that drove me back to the bottle over and over again even though I knew what the consequences would be. That's the madness of it all.
I'm glad you're here, and I wish peace and joy to you as well. Thanks for making us part of your journey.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: NYC
Posts: 42
That has long been one of my biggest problems: I can drink socially, in moderation, for decent stretches of time and not go overboard.
Until I do. And, predictably and progressively, when I do (and I always do eventually), it is with ever-elevating amounts and durations. I'm 37, and I've been playing this miserable game for far too long.
And you know why you're here. The old saw, I think, is true the vast majority of the time: if you are wondering if you have a drinking problem, you do.
The past couple years have seen a marked, precipitous advance of my alcoholism. Everyone's addiction progresses over time. If you're smart enough not to outsmart yourself, you'll stop now, without having to go through anything resembling the gutwrenching "hitting bottom" so many before you have, and before you've lost things that can't be recovered.
I'm not trying to sound harsh; this is as much an open letter to my own 34 year old self 3 years ago. I could have saved myself a great deal of pain and misery had I listened to this advice then. But I am now, and it's making all the difference.
Until I do. And, predictably and progressively, when I do (and I always do eventually), it is with ever-elevating amounts and durations. I'm 37, and I've been playing this miserable game for far too long.
And you know why you're here. The old saw, I think, is true the vast majority of the time: if you are wondering if you have a drinking problem, you do.
The past couple years have seen a marked, precipitous advance of my alcoholism. Everyone's addiction progresses over time. If you're smart enough not to outsmart yourself, you'll stop now, without having to go through anything resembling the gutwrenching "hitting bottom" so many before you have, and before you've lost things that can't be recovered.
I'm not trying to sound harsh; this is as much an open letter to my own 34 year old self 3 years ago. I could have saved myself a great deal of pain and misery had I listened to this advice then. But I am now, and it's making all the difference.
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Welcome snar!
I don't think any of us could have imagined a future without alcohol. Just the idea was scary to me. It helped me a lot just to focus on the day at hand and try not to get caught up in my own thinking/fears. Once I saw all the improvements in my life, the fear went away and I had no desire to go back to drinking.
Glad you've joined us - I don't know what I would have done without the support here!
I don't think any of us could have imagined a future without alcohol. Just the idea was scary to me. It helped me a lot just to focus on the day at hand and try not to get caught up in my own thinking/fears. Once I saw all the improvements in my life, the fear went away and I had no desire to go back to drinking.
Glad you've joined us - I don't know what I would have done without the support here!
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,519
Welcome snar. I understand how you feel. I was determined that willpower would keep alcohol from claiming my sanity, but I was wrong. I once had control - very early in the game. It was fun, relaxing, euphoric. Over time, I found I was unable to moderate. It was taking more & more to achieve the same result. In the end, the girl who got a buzz from one beer was drinking 100 proof vodka 'round the clock. I kept one on my bedside table so when I woke up shaking I'd have a 'fix' to sip on.
My drinking life ended when I started racking up dui's and alienating everyone - even my most steadfast friends & relatives. I would have laughed if anyone had told me I could be overtaken by a mere substance. I'm certainly not saying you would have the same outcome - but you are wise to be vigilant. We're glad you're here with us - we look forward to hearing more from you.
(Riggedgame - very wise words - thank you. Wish I'd had the sense to do what you're doing at a young age. I went into my 50's still insisting I could moderate, with disastrous results.)
My drinking life ended when I started racking up dui's and alienating everyone - even my most steadfast friends & relatives. I would have laughed if anyone had told me I could be overtaken by a mere substance. I'm certainly not saying you would have the same outcome - but you are wise to be vigilant. We're glad you're here with us - we look forward to hearing more from you.
(Riggedgame - very wise words - thank you. Wish I'd had the sense to do what you're doing at a young age. I went into my 50's still insisting I could moderate, with disastrous results.)
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
Posts: 8,997
Originally Posted by snar 
So I shall do what many of you suggest: try to abstain for a month, see whether my solace can be found elsewhere. Find out how little or how much of me has become intertwined with an external promise of absolution.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
Most of us have been unwilling to admit we were real alcoholics. No person likes to think he is bodily and mentally different from his fellows. Therefore, it is not surprising that our drinking careers have been characterized by countless vain attempts to prove we could drink like other people. The idea that somehow, someday he will control and enjoy his drinking is the great obsession of every abnormal drinker. The persistence of this illusion is astonishing. Many pursue it into the gates of insanity or death.
We learned that we had to fully concede to our innermost selves that we were alcoholics. This is the first step in recovery. The delusion that we are like other people, or presently may be, has to be smashed.
We alcoholics are men and women who have lost the ability to control our drinking. We know that no real alcoholic ever recovers control. All of us felt at times that we were regaining control, but such intervals usually brief were inevitably followed by still less control, which led in time to pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization. We are convinced to a man that alcoholics of our type are in the grip of a progressive illness. Over any considerable period we get worse, never better.
We are like men who have lost their legs; they never grow new ones. Neither does there appear to be any kind of treatment which will make alcoholics of our kind like other men. We have tried every imaginable remedy. In some instances there has been brief recovery, followed always by a still worse relapse. Physicians who are familiar with alcoholism agree there is no such thing a making a normal drinker out of an alcoholic. Science may one day accomplish this, but it hasn't done so yet.
Despite all we can say, many who are real alcoholics are not going to believe they are in that class. By every form of self- deception and experimentation, they will try to prove themselves exceptions to the rule, therefore nonalcoholic. If anyone who is showing inability to control his drinking can do the right-about- face and drink like a gentleman, our hats are off to him. Heaven knows, we have tried hard enough and long enough to drink like other people!
Here are some of the methods we have tried: Drinking
We learned that we had to fully concede to our innermost selves that we were alcoholics. This is the first step in recovery. The delusion that we are like other people, or presently may be, has to be smashed.
We alcoholics are men and women who have lost the ability to control our drinking. We know that no real alcoholic ever recovers control. All of us felt at times that we were regaining control, but such intervals usually brief were inevitably followed by still less control, which led in time to pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization. We are convinced to a man that alcoholics of our type are in the grip of a progressive illness. Over any considerable period we get worse, never better.
We are like men who have lost their legs; they never grow new ones. Neither does there appear to be any kind of treatment which will make alcoholics of our kind like other men. We have tried every imaginable remedy. In some instances there has been brief recovery, followed always by a still worse relapse. Physicians who are familiar with alcoholism agree there is no such thing a making a normal drinker out of an alcoholic. Science may one day accomplish this, but it hasn't done so yet.
Despite all we can say, many who are real alcoholics are not going to believe they are in that class. By every form of self- deception and experimentation, they will try to prove themselves exceptions to the rule, therefore nonalcoholic. If anyone who is showing inability to control his drinking can do the right-about- face and drink like a gentleman, our hats are off to him. Heaven knows, we have tried hard enough and long enough to drink like other people!
Here are some of the methods we have tried: Drinking
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