o2binsd

Yep...I'm new...and I cannot as yet truthfully say I've fully decided to stay sober. I can go a day or so, but then 'the evil twin' convinces me that it's ok to "just start tomorrow"...hence the pint of vodka I've snuck out to buy tonight.

Here's the thing...probably an excuse but maybe some of you can relate...ever since I went to my first AA meeting and have accepted that I am, indeed, addicted to alcohol...I seem to crave the s**t even MORE!!! I have such a rebellious nature!!! Even as a child...tell me NOT to do something and it will be the very think I WANT to do!!!

Maybe this is the root of addiction...I don't know. All I know is that I haven't lost my job, home, family, health as of yet but I know I am risking all of it when I decide to "just start sobriety tomorrow"....

Jeez...I would have never thought I would find myself in this predicament....

Sapling

Welcome to SR o2binsd.....At least you know that...I guess the question has to be...When do you stop risking it?.....I waited too long....I know that.....I also never thought I'd find my self in that predicament....And there I was....Glad you are here...It's a great site for support.

Dee74

Hi o2binsd

I don't think you're any sicker than the rest of us

I know when I would try to quit, it was like my addictive side pushed back harder too - maybe it was a kind of perversity, maybe a type of rebellion...maybe I just wanted to be 'normal' dammit...

Or...maybe the thought of the changes I'd have to make if I quit made me turn to the thing I always turned to when things got too immense or too scary?

Whatever the underlying reasons, I think it's pretty common and you'll find support and understanding here - welcome

D

MrsKing

Welcome to SR. I used to be the same. When my husband started telling me that I needed to drink less, I drank more. When I accepted that I really should drink less, I still drank more. I eventually decided to 'drink less' and it didn't work, I drank more. It was only when I really, really hit rock bottom did I realise that I just couldn't do it any more. I had to stop. COMPLETELY. No tomorrow, no 'just one drink', right then and drink nothing. All I can say is that if you haven't yet hit rock bottom, you probably will one day (sorry, I'm not trying to be mean, but if you've realised you've got a problem and gone to AA then you're probably going in the wrong direction... sorry) and it's better to stop the problem now before it gets harder and harder to do so. You can be sober... everyone can be sober... it is difficult and it is a long road and sometimes an incredibly difficult one, but it's one that so many people have managed and are proud of. Nothing makes those of us who are sober special... it doesn't mean we have some kind of power that others don't have when it comes to giving up alcohol... we've just realised that our lives will never be OK when we drink. Hopefully you will come to that decision soon - just know that SR is a great place to be, everyone is very helpful and friendly and you will find much advice and solace here. Good luck and all the best.