diegosmama

My father is a severe alcoholic. He drinks 24/7, and has done so for at least 5, probably closer to 10 years. I do not live at home anymore but my mother (parents are still together), told me that my dad eats very little and that even if he does it, he says he hardly ever feels like eating. He has very little energy and often naps a few times a day (he's 52). He has lost a lot of weight over the past couple of years and his appetite has steadily declined. My parents are not financially well off, my mom provides for them both, and I assume has insurance coverage for my dad as well. Dad has never been a fan of doctors and hospitals and goes only when he is in severe severe pain.

I just have a feeling this is the start of the end for my dad. I'm not sure if recovery is possible for him but for financial reasons I don't see it happening. I know a little about what happens with liver disease and all of the other complications. All the pain and time and money...I just don't know how to prepare myself for it, and I don't know how my parents can get through it.

Please don't think I'm standing idly by and have given up. If there is hope of recovery for him still (with financial help) please give me your thoughts. I'm sort of a realist I guess. Maybe it's not the end. I guess what I'm searching for is this: can he physically recover still (in your experience/opinion)? any personal experiences with loved ones that have or have had this severe alcoholism, and advice, suggestions, stories for preparing and coping with the last years of the life of an alcoholic.

Thank you very much for your time and thoughts.

ttbp

Hi and welcome

I'm sorry you're going through such a worrying time right now. Recovery has to come from your Dad, there's nothing you can do to 'make' him want recovery unfortunately

Has he ever attended any AA meetings? He wouldn't need to be well off to do this.

When you mention the situation of finances - do you mean he has thought about attending a treatment centre?

Edited to add - please get yourself over to family & friends for support for you too

I lost my Dad in this way so I know how you're feeling xx

Sapling

Sure he can recover....He sounds exactly like me last year...Same age...Drank 24/7...Couldn't eat...Had no energy...Took naps throughout the day...Not big on doctors....I just kept drinking till the pain got too much....I was fricken scared...And I thought alcohol was helping me with that. It wasn't...It was killing me. I ended up having a brother who helped me get into a detox and a rehab...Where they introduced me to AA...And I liked what I saw with that...Results wise....So that's what I went for...Left rehab two weeks early and threw myself into AA....I haven't had a drink in almost a year and I changed my life....If I had kept going like I was I'd be dead right now. I'm pretty sure of that.
I think it's important that he wants to do it...Nobody can make him quit....He's probably too scared to do it right now...I'm curious who pays for his drinking?...It's not cheap. One thing he's going to need is to detox safely...Don't mess around with that...Rehab would be great if you can get it covered with insurance....As far as doing something right now...That won't cost you anything...Find your town on this website and give them a call....You'll get someone that understands...Tell them what's going on and you'd like for your dad to have a 12th step call....They'll have a couple guys come out and talk to him....Maybe plant that seed of hope that was planted in me...Anything is possible when you have that...Keep us updated on how you're doing. I'll pray for you...Your dad and your family.

AA INTERGROUP: Alcoholics Anonymous in North Carolina & South Carolina

RobbyRobot

Sorry to hear about the serious alcoholic troubles with your dad. Don't give up hope, things can change for the better, even for such dire situations. 12th Step calls, as suggested by Sapling, are excellent ways of sober alcoholics helping hurting alcoholics. I've done those calls myself, and they can be the beautiful start of some new beginings. I hope you give them a call, they're good people who like to give back, and help others. They understand what is going on in situations just like your dad's.

Good advice too to check out the family and friend forum here at SR. Welcome to SR! I hope things turn around for you and your parents. It's great to see how deeply you love them. I'm sure, in their own ways, they are proud of you. Take care, and please let us know how things are going.

tomsteve

there is no such thing as a hopeless case. there are many options but he has to want to stop drinking.
North Carolina, Alcohol & Drug, Treatment Centers & Programs

there are many options and iffen ya start calling some#'s i am sure you will come across either a state or federally funded center.

LoftyIdeals

I agree that a 12th step call and/or family intervention may be life-saving here. Don't let resistance stop you. If he perishes from alcoholism, you will want to know you did everything you could to love him, even when he couldn't love himself.

Heidi1220

Sorry to hear about your dad, but there is definitely hope. Rehabs are expensive, but they can be a life saver, literally. I know the one I went to has a scholarship program. They will forgive a portion of the cost depending on income. Most of the time it's about half. That, along with insurance, may be enough to get him in. Call around and see what you can do. Tell them his situation. Most places will work with you. An intervention may be the only way if he's not willing. The 12th step call mentioned earlier is a great start. This is a treatable disease. Good luck.

wpainterw

Why not try this one on your dad- what a nurse once told me, namely that she had seen a lot of folks die of liver disease and a lot die of cancer and that she would choose cancer any day over liver disease. Maybe a visit to a hospital to talk with someone dying of liver disease? The question then, "Do you want to put yourself through this? There is a way out but time is running short before reality closes in on you..."

W.

diegosmama

Thank you all for your thoughts and advice. I am overwhelmed already by the care and support you all give to complete strangers.

I'm sure deep down somewhere my dad wants help, but I also believe he probably thinks it impossible (whether because it would kill him or because they can't afford it or whatever reason).

My mom will need probably just as much as help as he would with his recovery...she's kind of the enabler I suppose, we all kind of were in some ways. But she still is.

I know you all are right, I have to try or I will regret it. I know there are ways to do this and support, and I have to find them. Seems a daunting task but I think I can do it. I've worked so hard on fixing me and my mental health, and now to shift it to helping him I think scares me, because I'm getting involved again.

Again I thank you all sincerely for being so supportive and encouraging.

Sapling

I think you and your mom should both take a serious look at Al Anon...Also take a look at the Friends and Family of Alcoholics Forum here....You're not up for calling AA?

pinkdog

Have you suggested that your dad go to a doctor for his weight loss? Maybe he will listen to you. Worth a try. Alcoholism causes anorexia. I had it when drinking. Whether your dad can fully recover is not clear. He can certainly recover to some extent. Try to encourage him to go to a doctor. That would be a helpful thing. Hugs.

sugarbear1

Your dad is very young. He has every opportunity to recover at his age.

I wish you all well,