lots of questions
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 349
lots of questions
Hello All! I am new to this forum. I having been reading for months but joined today. Lots of questions to ask. Long story -short, I am the of a son addicted to heroin. He completed his 2nd stay at rehab in early April and is clean 70 days. Has been living in a sober living house and looking for work. Had a job for 3 days but was let go because they believed he could not keep up and would be overwhelmed Still looking actively for work. From what I understand, he has been attending meetings daily and joined a "home group". He looks good and has gained weight. My questions are as follows: 1. is it a big deal that he has not gotten a sponsor? he's a quiet guy, not much of a talker. Does spend time whenever he can with someone who has 20 months sober. 2. how much support should I be giving him financially? Paying for the sober living ok? 3. is it ok to keep asking him how he is doing with his recovery. Thank you for your support.
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Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
Originally Posted by allthatsgood 
My questions are as follows: 1. is it a big deal that he has not gotten a sponsor? he's a quiet guy, not much of a talker. Does spend time whenever he can with someone who has 20 months sober. 2. how much support should I be giving him financially? Paying for the sober living ok? 3. is it ok to keep asking him how he is doing with his recovery. Thank you for your support.
1. That issue belongs to him. Better question for you--not for him is....Do you go to meetings and do you have a sponsor yet?
2. They say "never do for the addict what he can do for himself"..... But only you can decide what level of support to provide. There is a razors edge between helping and enabling. A sponsor (for you) would be able to help you keep perspective on this issue.
3. No. "how are you doing" is a normal question you would ask anyone......"how is your recovery going" is intrusive.
I am the mother of an addict in active addiction. He has dabbled in recovery and has the tools if he should ever choose to use them. I work the program I wish he would. It hasn't helped him....but it has worked wonders for me and everyone else whom I love deeply sees and appreciates the changes in me. I am able to find serenity most of the time now whether my son is using or not.
gentle hugs
ke
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Chicago area
Posts: 4,269
Adults work and support themselves. So long as you are willing to finance him he has no real reason to seek and sustain employment.
Can you consider giving him the gift of dignity to support and sustain himself?Might you consider giving him X weeks notice that your financial support will either lessen or be cut-off?
Can you consider giving him the gift of dignity to support and sustain himself?Might you consider giving him X weeks notice that your financial support will either lessen or be cut-off?
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Phoenix, AZ
Posts: 324
My son was 21 last year when he was in a 4 month SLE "program"
We paid the first month or so and helped with groceries. By month 3 in the SLE he was independent.
Still got him some of his favorite snacks from time to time, but he wasn't asking for them.
We paid the first month or so and helped with groceries. By month 3 in the SLE he was independent.
Still got him some of his favorite snacks from time to time, but he wasn't asking for them.
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