PixieGirl

I'm in canada so any canadians please help if you can!

Right now my XAH (we're separated) sees my 2 yr old son for about 2.5 days a week. He is at my x mother-in-law's place when my son visits, so I have been feeling pretty confident in my son's safety. Also, XAH said he wasn't drinking (but not on a program)

Well yesterday I dropped him off for a few hours for father's day and I could smell alcohol on him. I confronted him about it and he didn't says yes or no to whether he'd been drinking. I asked if he was sober (which seems like a really dumb question now) He said yes. I said he is not to drink around our son and he agreed. I asked my XMIL when I saw her separately if she was going to be with them this evening and she said yes.

I left....feeling totally awful and confused about what I should've done, I said I would pick our son up later. After I left I sent the XAH a text saying 'just so you know, if you ever smell like alcohol again for a visit, the visit is over and he stays with me' I didn't get a response.

Now I feel like I shouldn't have left him there at all, but he was all hugging my XAH so tightly and I couldn't bring myself to take him away. Am I horrible? what do I do in future and what can I do? I don't have any extra money, so I was hoping I wouldn't have to bring lawyers into this if possible. It kills me that I can't know what goes on every second that my son is with him.

fourmaggie

Canadians or not...what does your gut tell you..? always feel your gut and do whats right in THAT moment...

I am scared if he was driving a car also?....

YOU have to do what you think is right.....

PixieGirl

Maybe I should have specified that I wonder if anyone knows much about the legal side of visitation in Canada?

theuncertainty

Sending hugs, Pixiegirl. I don't know what the legal side is in Canada, I live in Alaska. However, my attorney during the divorce told me that if AXH ever smells like alcohol or appears to have been drinking, I am well within my rights to cancel the visit, even though his visits are supervised.

I think it'd be a really good question to ask a legal advocate. The company that I work for has an employee assistance program that includes legal help. One hour free to discuss the issue and get advice. With the latest round of issues with XAH, I used it. Would you have something similar available? or free or low-cost legal advocacy programs? Of if you can pull together the fee, there are attorneys who provide unbundled services (assistance on an issue at a set rate or an hourly fee). Perhaps some of our other Canadian F&F will be able to provide additional info.

If you can go that route, pull together a summary of the issue and problems to relay to the advocate, and a bullet point list of questions so you can make the best use of your time.

Here's a question I had to consider long and hard and remind myself over and over of the answer I came up with: TU, Can you trust XSIL or XFIL to watch over DS? Just that part: to make sure your son is safe. I don't trust either of them to understand that their son/brother is an abusive a-- towards the women in his life; or to tell the court if AXH starts drinking again like they were instructed; or to make sure AXH is actually there for the the Daddy-Son visits; or to stop enabling AXH. But I do believe that they will do their best to protect DS. It may not be what I would do to protect DS, but I don't think they would stand idly by and let AXH hurt him - either intentionally while being abusive or accidentally while stumbling drunk. They love their grandson/nephew.

:ghug3

PixieGirl

Thank you! I might actually have something through my work - I never thought to look into that