missylou

Hello, I discovered this community yesterday, so hopefully I can figure the site out. I call myself a chronic relapser. I just can't stay stopped. I drink out of loneliness. The kids are grown & I hate coming home to an empty house. I would stop at restaurants after work, drink & then stop and bring home my best friend "char". Over & over & over. I can't tell you how many times I have tried to stop! I have no friends, just my friend Chardonnay. I have spent weekends, blinds shut, drinking with my TV, DVR, my remote & my laptop & eat fast food. I did get a prescription for antabuse & hopefully I can stop for two days to start on it. I've opened my blinds today & am not drinking. Something has to change, I've gone to lots of meetings & feel ashamed to go back. Thanks for reading & I should feel better tomorrow.

Sapling

Welcome to SR missylou...Glad you are here....This site is great for support...Use it...I wouldn't be ashamed to go back to some meetings...They'll welcome you with open arms...I's not good being alone...No way I could have done it alone...Open your blinds...Let some light in and get to a meeting....It would be good for you.

Live2Run25

Nothing to feel ashamed about. Sounds like you want to do, so brush yourself off, open those blinds and start today!!

CraigA

Welcome and you definetly will get support here! I drank out of lonliness to but I was always around people, but no family. I couldn't bet or stay sober alone, I did go to meetings bec ause I was sick of the lonliness, then I grabbed a aponsor and worked the steps, this worked for me but there are numerous ways to get sober just keep trying and don't beat yourself up too much this is a new way of life for you!

Keep your head up and God Bless you!

LooneyinLaJunta

Welcome, and I understand what it is like to drink because of feeling isolated. I just moved to a small town and know almost no one. Just my old friend -- Whiskey. But coming here has given me something to think about every morning now when I wake up -- hope.

:ghug3

Luling

Welcome! Keep posting here. It's hard getting sober at first, but it gets easier, especially with the great advice and support around here. Also, I don't think you should be ashamed to go back to those meetings. Every single person in there knows the struggle you're going through.

Anna

Welcome!

It's amazing how alcohol takes over and makes our lives smaller and smaller as time goes on. By the end of my drinking days, I had stopped bothering with any of my friends. I preferred to just drink. That's the nature of the disease and why it's so hard to break free. But, you can do it. Many of us here have found happy and fulfilling lives without alcohol.

castlefan

Hi MissyLou - I can relate to your story - I'm like you - a wine drinker. I would come home after work, sit and watch tv and drink a bottle or two bottles of wine. I'm only on day 5 but realized I needed to change-up my routine in order to have a chance of making it sober. So instead of watching tv every night, I've gone to the bookstore, the movies, the mall and tonight the gym. I'm pretty shy but will have to put myself in some uncomfortable social situations in order to break out of this habit and make new sober friends. Perhaps this weekend make some plans to get out of the house and to the movies or library for a bit? Perhaps look into joining a meetup group to make new friends. Anything to break the routine. And I don't go to AA, but don't think the people there will care if you relapsed - they just want to help you get sober.

Dee74

Welcome missylou

I remember when my world shrunk to my little 2 roomed apartment, so I know what you're talking about.

There is a life beyond that and coming here was the start of it for me - hope SR will be as important to you

Welcome

D

CaiHong

Hi and welcome Missylou,

Alcohol really diminished my life. I am 58, got sober a year ago with the support of AA and this forum. My life has really opened up since being sober.

I drank wine for a while when I was back in my home country, it really scared me how it affected my memory got me drunk fairly quickly.

I remember being invited to a 60 th birthday and getting drunk on Chardonnay at a 5 star hotel, I really messed up and angered the hostess so much she still hates me to this day.
I felt the shame of that for days, could never trust myself to drink and socialize again with wine but I did and stuffed up again.
I think this is why we drink and isolate. It's easier to deal with our drinking if we are alone.
It's sad really.
You can get sober and have a wonderful life.
My life is pretty good , I take over a business next week. I feel confident,not scared or anxious. My health is great, lots of energy and optimism about life.
This was not me a year ago.

I wish you all the strength you will need at the beginning but you can do this Missy and you will never regret it, I promise you.
love
CaiHong

nonblondechef

So happy to see you here today, missylou. Char and I had a love affair. I loved Char more than most everything else in life. I loved Char too much. The old adage "If you love something set it free. If it comes back, it is yours, if it doesn't it never was" applies here. I set Char free. Char has not come back. Not meant to be. I've moved on. Welcome to SR - sobriety is a very good thing!!

missylou

Thanks so much for the welcomes, replies, I love your quotes too! Yes, I did to let Char go, she is not a friend anymore!

Hevyn

missylou - good stuff's already been said. I want to also welcome you and wish you a wonderful new life without your friend char. She really wasn't your type anyway.

I understand loneliness, too - but keeping yourself in a fog to face it isn't the answer. You already know that, though! Congratulations on wanting a new and better life for yourself. You'll find encouragement and hope here! We wish you all the best on your journey, and thanks for letting us be part of it.

ttbp

Hi and welcome

I can identify totally with your story - you're in the right place xxx

Veritas1

It was suggested to me that I find a new home group after having the experience of being a relapser. I would encourage you to do the same. Perhaps a women's literature based meeting?

instant

Welcome. Change is possible. Once you are free of active addiction life is easier.

MrsKing

Welcome. My problem was wine, too. You say your kids have left home, but that does not mean they have left you. They are still there and if you tell them that you are having troubles I am sure they will be quick to rally around you. You sound like you are depressed, which was me not long ago, also. Perhaps going to the doctor and discussing how you feel, not only your alcohol consumption, would be a good idea. There is so much help available, not only for getting sober for also getting happy. You don't have to stay this way forever. Coming to SR is a good first step - there are so many people here who you can talk to. Giving up alcohol opens so many doors... it gives you so much more freedom, happiness, enjoyment in life. I have only been sober for 2 and a half months and already I am a different person. It takes no time at all to change your life around once you are sober. Good luck and all the best. You can do it!

katrinka

Welcome to SR, keep reading and posting, it has helped me so much. I know what you're saying. I loved Chardonnay but it wasn't making me a happy person and I was wasting my life (I'm 60) I gave it up and my life has improved so much. It's been 5 1/2 months and I feel wonderful! You can do it.

LDT

Wine was my DOC. The last thing I drank before going into detox ( almost 17 months ago ) was Chardonnay. I loved (hated) isolating myself and just drinking and drinking.....

Then my best friend ( wine ) started turning on me ....betraying me. Even a little of it started to do insane things to my body. I had no choice but to quit. Best decision of my life, too.

Do whatever it takes to get sober. You will never regret it.

missylou

I didn't buy any wine today, so this is Day 1. I felt pretty awful today thou, we all know how Day 1's can be. I look forward to tomorrow & feeling better. I do know something....I need to get out of this house! I just want to have people to talk to or call or have my phone ring & to stop isolating due to drinking or hangover days.