butterflyluver

So I can totally admit that ive snooped in the past to find out what was really going on in my shed and I didnt like what I found...about 50 k2 containers and a couple of straws and some porn mags...i threw it all away. Its been about 3 months and part of me...ok all of me wants to investigate again but all its gonna do is make my blood boil and put me in a bad mood so here I sit typing to you guys and thinking how dumb I am for allowing thia in my life...ugggg what is wrong with me???? I think I get more mad at myself for dealing with it than I do with him! Ive always endes things with past men with no issues...not sure why im having issues now! Uggg thanks for being here.

nytepassion

I know it is tempting to snoop, but you've already done it and found out what is really going on. At this point and time if he has not gotten into a recovery program and started working it you can more then likely bet that the same thing is going on, but probably on a greater level.

Boiling blood and bad moods do nothing to help you in a positive way. How bout a Meeting. More productive and will help you to help yourself on your road to recovery.

He is gonna do what he's gonna do and there is nothing you can do about it, but the good news is that you have control over yourself and how you handle you. Resist the urge to snoop and put all that energy that is spent on him turn it around and use it to get you into a better frame of mind. I can tell you this that you will benefit more from it

Hugs,
Passion

Scrapbooker

Hi, Butterflyluvr. I have no other words of wisdom for you. The suggestion to attend a meeting is a great one. I wanted you to know you are not alone, I want to snoop through my AS's room and follow him when he leaves to go to meetings, etc. But, like someone at a meeting once said to me, "if he's lying to you he's lying to himself too, and that will harm him a lot more than lying to you."

It's so hard to accept that we are powerless over their addiction.

Hope you have a good day and do something nice for yourself today

Titsgirl

Do you really want to live your,life feeling you need to or should be snooping? I have decided that if I did that would control me. He does need meetings and if he doesnt you should still go.

PLM

so, this post is interesting to me because i feel like i probaly have the wrong view. i do believe constantly checking up on another person is an attempt at control and would never want to be in a relationship again where i felt the need to do it....but...what if its for your own safety? I did go through my soon to be ex husbands phone one night. He seemed off and i wanted to know what was going on. Turned out he was using heroin again and cheating on me with several women. I'm so glad i went through that phone, i could have been exposed to anything from all of these other women/needle sharing. I filed for divorce a few days after. I guess my question is, if you are prepared to act on what you find...is it always wrong? I wasn't going to throw my marriage away because i thought he might be up to something...i wanted to know, i found out and i left. Thoughts?

Pock89

PLM, you have an excellent point.

butterflyluver, are you prepared to act on what you find? Or are you only prepared to get angry about it?

Usually if you feel like you have to snoop, there's already an issue going on. And I've found that 9 times out of 10, when I have snooped, I've found things that hurt me to know about. Am I glad that I found out the things I have because I snooped? Yes. However, the things I've found caused me a lot of pain. And having to admit that I snooped, and confront him about the things I found, hurt my relationship.

Whenever I had the urge to snoop, I usually acted upon it. I think you'll probably end up looking through the shed. And if you do, and if you find some things that are not good, are you prepared to plan according for what YOUR next move will be?

corriep77

Thanks for posting this PLM. This is where i am. I have been looking at bank accounts and credit cards so that I know what I am dealing with exactly. I have kids, so I need to be sure they and the motgage are taken care of. I agree though, if finding out will do nothing but make you feel bad Then why torture yourself?

Ann

Where I come from, if the police found drugs in my shed, I could lose my home.

I overcame snooping on phone bills, on cell phone usage, on subway transfer informatio (he was at WHAT station?) and many other things I am ashamed to admit I did, thinking that finding proof would make him stop. It only made me crazy and didn't change a thing with him. Today if I even suspected anyone in my home of using drugs, they would be asked to leave immediately.

That said, and back to the shed, when having drugs around puts ME in danger, I would call the police and have them remove them.

I wish you well with this, it cannot be easy. Please protect yourself and your property. You wouldn't be the first codie to go to jail for just knowing that there were drugs in the house (or on the property).

Hugs

lightseeker

such wisdom in Ann's post....when my safety and welfare are in jeopardy then I do need to investigate and also - take action.