Thelma

My AH is looking for things to do when he is home at night instead of drinking. We had a long conversation about why he drinks and some of the triggers. In addition to anxiety and depression, both unmedicated because of his drinking, boredom and the inability to "turn off his mind" at night play a factor.

He is almost 50 years old, builds houses for a living, and is sore and tired physically at the end of the day. (so joining an active sport is not an option)
He's not a big reader but is looking to keep his mind active and focused without the physical.

Both of us are in a quandry as to what he could possibly engage in.
So I'm reaching out to the Friends and Family community for suggestions and ideas.

I'm not expecting miracles as I know he has many issues to work through, but I am also a believer in "if you don't try how will you know if it's for you"

Thank you in advance. I've gotten so much from this board and think of y'all even when I'm not on.

Learn2Live

Video games
Scrabble
Crossword puzzles
Research interests on internet
Bible (or other spiritual book) study
Clean house
Small engine repair
Woodworking (make birdhouses=easy)

Tuffgirl

Nightly AA or alcoholism support group meetings work wonders! Has he tried that yet?

m1k3

Going for a walk or easy bike ride, playing cards, cooking out, cooking in, painting, taking an adult education course, going to AA meetings, talking, learn a new language, get a dog, get a Wii, take up bowling, take up golf, fixing up an old car, learn yoga and so forth.

He can do anything except drink.

I got myself a Wii recently and love the bowling game. It is just as much fun and frustrating as the real thing.

Your friend,

FireSprite

One of the few things that helps my AH stay busy & away from alcohol is night fishing. We live in an area where this is very accessible & it's fairly cheap to get an annual license.

It keeps him busy & he likes reconnecting with a hobby he's ignored for too long. He texts me pictures of his 'catches' & it opens up conversations between us. Not sure if this is the kind of activity your husband would be interested in, but thought I'd share.

tomsteve

holy cow, you described me!!i was a carpenter framer for a long time and could never slow my brain down, so i used alcohol as the medication for it.

he may want to think about what he did before he started drinking to have fun and stay busy and try it again. i stopped doing a lot of things when i started drinking, model building and woodworking were 2 of em.( i know i built houses, but that was cunstruction. woodworking is finer stuff with more power tools!!). got back into em both in sobriety and even dabbled a bit in RC planes and high power rocketry.

pinkdog

Hi. That's great that he is looking for things to do. It takes time to figure out other things to do besides drinking. My favorite is walking the dog. If you don't have a dog just walk with each other. Just a nice quite stroll. With conversation. I also love to read, cook, boardgames, tv, movies and post on alcohol websites. I read/study about alcohol everyday. I think it's a great discipline. God bless you both!

Thelma

Thanks all! Keep em coming if you have them. I'm looking into adult education classes as well in the area. I've tried to get him to go to AA meetings. Really I have but he's just too embarrassed to go. Since I'm off weekends, I'm going to try to get him to go with me to one and if he feels more comfortable then will continue going with him. I work evenings and am usually home an hour or two before he goes to bed so mostly this is for him. And he has to monitor and be honest with himself about the drinking.

Pelican

We have an online arcade here at SR. Look at the first bold blue bar across the top of any forum page, there you will see the word Arcade. Have fun!

lizatola

I play puzzle games on my ipad, my AH likes to make walking sticks using my grandfather's carving tools. Keeps his hands busy anyways. Maybe do a little investing or stock researching? I like to do that kind of stuff.

tomsteve

welp, it could seem embarrassing iffen meetings had practicing drunks there and he walked in lookin for help. but we are just a group of ex drunks who have been down the same road who have found a solution for our common problem and love carrying the message to the still sick and suffering alcoholic.

outtolunch

One would think at age 50, he could be given the dignity to finally figure out this self-entertainment thing.

fourmaggie

mmm...sex?

sorry had to say it...LOL

dollydo

How about him getting into AA and working a strong recovery program, that will keep him real busy. If he is embarassed, so be it, that is the price to be paid to get healthy and stay sober.

Until he stops drinking and gets into recovery nothing will change, he doesn't need a hobby he needs recovery.

Thelma

Dolly, I totally agree but if he isn't going to do it, well I can't change that. He knows the option is there and the door is open. He has to make the choice to walk through it.

Lisola, I have actually looked into wittling and walking sticks! May even be something we can do together as I find it interesting too.

Outtolunch, since when do our A's have any dignity?

Formaggie, LMAO!!! Not in a million years! But thanks for the giggle!

I agree Tomsteve, and will go with him to break the ice if that's what it takes.

NYCDoglvr

I agree .... nightly AA meetings would be interesting and he'd learn a lot.

Midton

This site is pretty busy and always has a few threads that can interest anyone. There are tales here that scare the life out of me and others that give me great confidence and then there are loads in between.

Thelma

Midton, your absolutely right and I am going to bring it up to him. As you know we spouses of A's have to choose our timing, but it will happen. I think if he doesn't have to sit in front of ppl he can at least be more honest instead of embarrassed. And who knows, maybe he will eventually go to a meeting. I can only hope.

dollydo

What are your bounderies with him?

Thelma

To be honest Dolly, we don't interact much. He works days and I work evenings. I refuse to interact with any social activity with him that involves alcohol. If he chooses to go I stay home. I refuse to engage in any of his drunken accusations or rants or temper tantrums. He does his own laundry and cooks for himself during the week or eats leftovers from the freezer. If he chooses not to change his sheets or clean his bedroom/bathroom for a month or more, it's not my problem.
Basically we are coordial to each other until he's drinking. Then I'm basically NC even though we are in the same house.
He wants more of a relationship that I'm not willing to give while he's using. If he truly wants to go to a meeting I will go with him once as an ice breaker. I believe if he really wants help he should be given every opportunity to do so and I would do the same for a friend or a coworker. However, I will not nag, yell , cry or cajole him into going. "Here it is, do it if you want to"
There are no longer any drunken phone calls asking to be picked up as he now knows after walking home in 10 degree weather with no jacket, that I won't do it.
Maybe I'm going about it all wrong, I really don't know, but I know it works to save my sanity until the day I can get out. So I'll spend a little time looking into things like wittling for him because honestly while doing so I've also found alot of things I may be interested in too. Win Win I think.