anwa

I've HAD IT with alcoholics! I can't stand drinking!!!!!!!!!! I hate what it does to people both in the addiction and out of it! I can't stand even the thought of alcohol. I can't stand seeing people put the glass to their lips! I can't stand how people advertise alcohol as such a cool thing to do! I'm so tired of all the excuses! I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF IT!


I'm single now. DAMNIT!

josh3

May you find peace and serenity...I do agree with you!!! Alcohol is one deep root of evil!

HopefulGirl71

I agree with you. I will never have a drink again because I know how damaging it can be physically, mentally & emotionally. It's sad how acceptable drinking has become.

Seren

Hi anwa,

You are definitely not the only person on these boards who has had this reaction. It is everywhere. My hubby and I watch hockey and baseball on TV, and every other advertisement seems to be for beer or vodka.

Vent away when you need to!

DefofLov

Learn2Live

Yes, I agree. I hate how people drinking is portrayed on TV and in movies. It's sick. Really, really sick. To me, it's like glamorizing CANCER.

Still Waters

Yes. I don't like to be around people drinking a all.

anwa

I decided last night that I needed a break from my boyfriend for a couple of days. I'm realizing that my focus is too much on him and not enough on me. So when I said I'd like a few "days off" he thought I was breaking up with him because he didn't call me back soon enough. I was having a really hard time yesterday and he didn't really seem to care much. He says he did but he didn't show it. I'm tired of the inconsistency and excuses for everything. I ended the conversation last night with me crying because I was telling him how much I want to be with him SOBER and he goes "my phone is going to die" when I know that's a lie... so I said "i'll talk to you sometime bye" and hung up. I didn't call him this morning like I usually do so he texted me about a half hour ago "I love you". He rarely texts me so I know he's upset. HE SHOULD BE!

He thinks the people I've been talking to about drinking are feeding me negative information and that he's able to have a drink or two if he feels like it. I told him he can't because he's an alcoholics and alcoholics can't drink one drop of alcohol because it's a PROBLEM for them. He doesn't understand how me being away and his having one glass of wine is affecting me. It's his behavior and health that is affecting me. He told me he was sober for a month before I went to see him last and I was sooooo excited to be around him sober for the first time ever (This is what I was crying about last night when I hung up) but he called the night before and said he had 3 glasses of wine and would be continuing to drink while I was there. That hurt me so badly you don't even know! I was so disappointed and angry and worried... he looked like crap when I saw him the next day like he hadn't showered in days and he reeked of wine. He drank all day like he always did. I saw like 10 empty cups lying around and I thought, "He's been sober for a month? doesn't look like it." so I don't exactly believe him. He still claims that he was sober for a month. But why call me the night before I was to leave and tell me he drank 3 glasses? Sounds like a guilty conscious.

I'm so angry and hurt. I am having bad anxiety over all this!

chronsweet

My ABF says this too as if I can't make up my OWN mind that I hate the drinking. I believe it's a term people use around here called QUACKING.

LOVINGRA

Have you read "Under the Influence"? I highly recommend it as an explanation of the metabolic changes that take place in the alcoholic. One drink is all it takes to wind him up again. Sober means no alcohol ever, not even one sip of cooking brandy. The book also explains how friends and family can offer support. I have been through several relapses with my SO -- observed a blackout. However, I did not know him until after he had accepted he was an alcoholic. He is currently 3 months sober, AA every day with a sponsor. I had no prior experience with addiction. My limited advice to you is to read everything you can and understand that until your friend accepts he is an alcoholic and is ready to never drink again -- your hands are tied. If my boyfriend were not at that place, I would not be involved with him. I get ballistic now if he even does behavior that smacks of a coming relapse -- like binging foodwise. Support is one thing, but you can't make him stop drinking. He has to come to that himself. I found out my BF had been through 7 rehabs in the past!!!! So some people are hardheaded. It took him until early 40s to accept he was really, truly an alcoholic.

I agree with you about the prevalence of alcohol. It is just a sneaky legalized business -- like gambling, smoking, etc. It is very destructive. I don't drink much simply because I am weight conscious and would rather get calories from chocolate. I don't think it tastes good, and I am teetering after one drink. I never gave it much mind until I saw the damage to my friend. I just wish my BF were not so embarrassed -- for myself, I would love nothing more than to scream at the waiter: He's an alcoholic, for ___ sakes -- quit pestering us. My BF just smiles and says no thank you. Grrrr.

outtolunch

Likely the anxiety is cause by trying to control things well beyond your control. There is nothing, absolutely nothing, you can say or do to keep him sober or cause him to fall off the wagon. You are not that powerful. None of us are.

He does not drink at you. It's not personal. It has nothing to do with you.

Is it time yet to give up the hopeful fantasy that he is going to somehow morph into the guy you need and want?

anwa

I don't have any money to buy books. In fact I only have 1 dollar on me and my paycheck on Wednesday is already spoken for (school fees, school text book, rent). I won't have any money for awhile either. So, I can't read anything that people suggest. Unless it's online for free...

Learn2Live

First time I read it, I got it from my public library. It's a very well-known (and useful) book.

anwa

I'm giving up on him. I'm worthy of a man who is stable, has a job and lives on his own. Not a man who drinks himself to death, lives with his mom and doesn't do a damn thing all day long. As nice as he is to me and as much as he loves me, it is not enough. I need way more than what he's providing. I'm really hurt and upset and angry and miserable right now but I'll get over it eventually and move on. I was single for 8 years once and I can do it again if need be. I will never be with someone who has an addiction or signs of one. I cannot handle it. I won't tolerate it.

anwa

He asked me to marry him and said he was going to get a job, buy me a ring and marry me in April. He never even tried to get a job. I would be laying next to him in bed and he'd turn around to grab his cup ALL THE TIME. Every time he did it it sent pains in my chest. The about a month or two later I got evicted because I couldn't afford rent. I asked him if he could get a job and move in with me to help with rent. He said he'd try. Well he never tried. He continued to drink. I had to move 8 hours away back home with my parents. If he was working he would have been able to help me stay. A week after I moved he told me he was actively looking for a job and had quit drinking completely. My move triggered such a response. But, I don't believe it ever happened. A few weeks ago I threatened to leave him if he didn't get help to quit drinking because he'd refused help. He said it hit home and prompted him to go to the clinic. I was happy that he was getting help but now I just don't know if it actually happened because he's still being resistant to change and is still drinking.

All the while I have problems of my own that I need support with. I have no one else to talk to other than my therapist. I have no friends, no life, other than him. He would listen and give me some advice but only sometimes. There were times where there was a crisis in my head and needed to talk to him but he wouldn't answer his phone. He wasn't there for me whenever I needed him.

I'm so sad.

Learn2Live

I'm sorry anwa. (((hugs))) It's not good to not have friends. Everybody needs friends. Have you gone to AlAnon?

transformyself

Yummy.

Ok, so there are TONS of fantastic "stickies," at the top of this forum that I read, reread and read again. They are free and have helped set me free. IF I take the very scary, initial teensy steps and try to do what is suggested.

The most success I've had is when I detach from him emotionally and focus on myself.

I think it's great that you moved away and are going to school! Keep focused on yourself Sister. He's not your problem. You didn't cause it, you cant' control it or cure it.

but you can sure as hell make your life a wonderful, happy one. !

anwa

I contacted one of my old friends whom I haven't talked to in awhile. She's going to call me tonight. I've known her since preschool... So, I guess I have friends. Sometimes I forget about people because all I do is sit at home and watch tv, work and go to school. Anyway, I haven't gone to AlAnon yet. Tonight is only Alateen and I'm 34. I'm also scared out of my mind to go face to face and incredibly embarrassed.I'm also afraid to call for help. But I saw that there are some online groups which I just remembered existed so maybe I'll try that first. Thank goodness I have therapy tomorrow morning!

Learn2Live

Jeez don't I know what you mean! We have to go out and do things. Get out of the house. My friend was just telling me that today. And that is exactly what I am going to do right now because I have been sitting in this house for way too long.

Don't be embarrassed please! Al-Anon is full of very accepting and caring people who know exactly how you feel. It is so freeing when you finally do go and find a good group that you feel comfortable with. It's like "coming home."

anwa

I'm glad you're able to get out. It's too hot outside to do anything outdoors (free) and I don't have money to go shopping or even spend on the gas to drive somewhere. I don't get paid until Wed... and what I would do if I got out of the house? I have no clue. This has been a problem of mine for quite some time. I don't even know what to do inside of the house! I didn't even turn on the tv until about noon today and that's unusual. I keep wanting to call him and talk to him but I'm trying my hardest not to. It's what I do when I don't know what else to do. I call like every hour or two...