Please allow me to introduce myself...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 26
Please allow me to introduce myself...
I have written this post a hundred times in my head. Today is my day 1, again. I want to be sober and I want to be at peace. I am tired of drinking, I am tired of being embarrassed, I am tired of being hungover. I am not confident that I can be sober for any real length of time. My life is set up to drink, a lot. I met my husband at a bar. We get drunk together. My best friend is a heavy drinker. My social life revolves around alcohol. In fact, I do not know one person that doesn't drink and only a few that drink moderately. When I do not drink my friends ask me what's wrong and my husband offers no support. Friends and husband have said they don't trust people that don't drink! I have known for years that I have a drinking problem, that I am an alcoholic. I read over old journal entries and a lot of them focus on my need to quit drinking or drink more responsibly. I know that moderate drinking is not possible for me. I love alcohol and have always drank to get drunk. I do not see the point in drinking, if it isn't to get drunk. So, here I sit...hungover, scared, embarrassed, vulnerable. I am looking for support. I am hoping that bearing my soul here will keep me accountable to someone. I am not doing too well only being accountable to myself!
I am 37 years old, married with 2 young children. I have been binge drinking since I was 19 years old. For the last 6 months I have been trying to get sober on my own, the longest I have made it is 16 days (which was awesome!). Mostly I string together 3-4 days then drink for 2-3 weeks then repeat. I want to be done I'm just not sure that is possible for me without completely removing myself from my life, which isn't possible for me.
Here goes nothing...
I am 37 years old, married with 2 young children. I have been binge drinking since I was 19 years old. For the last 6 months I have been trying to get sober on my own, the longest I have made it is 16 days (which was awesome!). Mostly I string together 3-4 days then drink for 2-3 weeks then repeat. I want to be done I'm just not sure that is possible for me without completely removing myself from my life, which isn't possible for me.
Here goes nothing...
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
well, ya just took a huge step! welcome aboard! it IS possible iffen ya want to get sober more than anything else.
ex drunk myself who never thought it possible to live without even the thought of having a drink let alone drinking. but then the pain of drinking exceeded the pain of reality and i had the greatest gift ever granted to me and that was desperation.
sobriety has been an awesome journey and i found it through the program and fellowship of AA.
ex drunk myself who never thought it possible to live without even the thought of having a drink let alone drinking. but then the pain of drinking exceeded the pain of reality and i had the greatest gift ever granted to me and that was desperation.
sobriety has been an awesome journey and i found it through the program and fellowship of AA.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: South East England
Posts: 8,008
Hi and welcome to SR. This place really helps me and I log on every day to read about others struggles and to get advice. Everyone is just so supportive x
I too surrounded myself with other alcoholics, and every social occasion was booze filled. It makes it difficult but not impossible for you to quit.
Have you any plans on what to use as a support?
There are many options available, read up on AA, AVRT and what has helped others. As you will have little support on the home front, one of those may be invaluable for you. Keep reading and posting. We will all share our stories and help you all we can.
Great to have you with us x
I too surrounded myself with other alcoholics, and every social occasion was booze filled. It makes it difficult but not impossible for you to quit.
Have you any plans on what to use as a support?
There are many options available, read up on AA, AVRT and what has helped others. As you will have little support on the home front, one of those may be invaluable for you. Keep reading and posting. We will all share our stories and help you all we can.
Great to have you with us x
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Present Moment
Posts: 646
There are plenty of "somebody else's" with very similar stories....I'm one of them, and over a year sober now.
Welcome to SR
Plenty of support here. You can stop the madness. You've just made a huge step to changing you life.
Big hugs
Welcome to SR
Plenty of support here. You can stop the madness. You've just made a huge step to changing you life.
Big hugs
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: ca
Posts: 16
Seeking support from others facing the same problem is a huge step. I am only 5 days, but very similar in efforts and failures as you have described. I too met my wife at a bar, though once she realized how I drank, she stopped drinking. This year has been nothing but a handful of jumps "on and off the wagon" for me, and then I realized that I truly could not do it without help. I have been struggling for 15 years to quit. Each time I have felt stronger when I quit, only to feel worse when I relapse, and therefore make worse decisions.
Right now I am trying to discover what works for me. I hope you find what will work for you.
Best Wishes,
ericz
Right now I am trying to discover what works for me. I hope you find what will work for you.
Best Wishes,
ericz
Phoenix.
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: The Brew.
Posts: 117
Have you told them that you don't feel comfortable drinking anymore?
I have a friend that just could not understand why I needed to quit.
She very much enjoyed me as a drunk.. And couldn't comprehend why I couldn't just take it down a notch. I've had to have multiple conversations with her when she's made comments or jokes about how she's sad I've quit drinking.
Some people just don't understand what it is to be an alcoholic, or the limits we put on our lives when we are drinking.
I think you need to be very straight forward with the people in your life. Tell them what you've been missing out on as a drunk. Tell them how terrible it makes you feel.
They might have some reservations like my friend did, because they've known you to be a certain way this whole time, but if they're decent people.. They'll respect your decision.
I have a friend that just could not understand why I needed to quit.
She very much enjoyed me as a drunk.. And couldn't comprehend why I couldn't just take it down a notch. I've had to have multiple conversations with her when she's made comments or jokes about how she's sad I've quit drinking.
Some people just don't understand what it is to be an alcoholic, or the limits we put on our lives when we are drinking.
I think you need to be very straight forward with the people in your life. Tell them what you've been missing out on as a drunk. Tell them how terrible it makes you feel.
They might have some reservations like my friend did, because they've known you to be a certain way this whole time, but if they're decent people.. They'll respect your decision.
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Welcome.
It is possible. Difficult, yes. Not impossible and possibly necessary for you to get sober, at least in the short run.
It's great to be accountable to us. But you really have to be accountable to your family. Tell your husband of your decision. Don't expect him to understand. He doesn't have to understand. He just has to know you mean it. Skip the social functions while you get grounded in recovery. In time, you'll discover what you can handle, what you even want to do socially, and it probably won't include alcohol.
You can do this.
Originally Posted by SomebodyElse 
I want to be done I'm just not sure that is possible for me without completely removing myself from my life, which isn't possible for me.
It's great to be accountable to us. But you really have to be accountable to your family. Tell your husband of your decision. Don't expect him to understand. He doesn't have to understand. He just has to know you mean it. Skip the social functions while you get grounded in recovery. In time, you'll discover what you can handle, what you even want to do socially, and it probably won't include alcohol.
You can do this.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 26
Thank you. I have tears in my eyes. This is what I need to hear, that I can do this. I am afraid to tell my husband or friends that I need to quit drinking. We all drink very similarly and not drinking or talking about having a alcohol problem makes me odd man out. I have talked to my husband in the past about removing alcohol from our house or that we really should stop drinking for our kids sake, he agrees but then we end up at the liquor store again. He noticed when I quit drinking for 16 days but ultimately encouraged me to drink with him when we went on a trip. I know I could have said "no" but I didn't. I need support. I need to be in this with someone. I wish he would quit with me but he has stated that he does not want to quit. Again, I know my sobriety needs to be my own and not based on what anyone else does or doesn't do. When I am around alcohol and see others seemingly enjoying themselves then I want to join in.
Anyway, this time I hope to use this forum for support. I know that I belong at AA, but right now I can't see myself going. I live in a relatively small town and fear seeing someone I know.
Anyway, this time I hope to use this forum for support. I know that I belong at AA, but right now I can't see myself going. I live in a relatively small town and fear seeing someone I know.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
Posts: 8,997
Originally Posted by SomebodyElse
Anyway, this time I hope to use this forum for support. I know that I belong at AA, but right now I can't see myself going. I live in a relatively small town and fear seeing someone I know.
Your First AA Meeting<
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Welcome SomebodyElse -
My life revolved around drinking, too, and it was terrifying to think about getting sober. I was afraid I wouldn't ever have fun again or even know who I was without it, but I knew I was going to have to stop sooner or later and I didn't want it to be from a DUI or being in the hospital.
The hope and support here was my saving grace. Alone, I'm sure I couldn't have made it. We know what you're going through and even though you don't see it now, there really is life after alcohol (and it's so much better!):ghug3
My life revolved around drinking, too, and it was terrifying to think about getting sober. I was afraid I wouldn't ever have fun again or even know who I was without it, but I knew I was going to have to stop sooner or later and I didn't want it to be from a DUI or being in the hospital.
The hope and support here was my saving grace. Alone, I'm sure I couldn't have made it. We know what you're going through and even though you don't see it now, there really is life after alcohol (and it's so much better!):ghug3
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Welcome...
You mentioned your young children..Hmm...I've yet to meet an adult who
said how proud and pleased they were that they had drinking parents
Regarless of your husbands decision...you really can be the parent
who gives them a priceless gift...your sober future....
Blessings to the four of you
You mentioned your young children..Hmm...I've yet to meet an adult who
said how proud and pleased they were that they had drinking parents
Regarless of your husbands decision...you really can be the parent
who gives them a priceless gift...your sober future....
Blessings to the four of you
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
small town northern mi alcoholic here. the one thing that still amazes me is that through all of the meetings i have attended so far, of all of the hundreds of ex drunks i have met to date, there are only 2 i have met in AA that i ever drank with.
they all knew i had a problem when i walked in and knew how i was thinkng, yet none of them ever saw me drinking. they didnt care about my drinking or what i had done. they cared about what i was willing to do to stay stopped.
they all knew i had a problem when i walked in and knew how i was thinkng, yet none of them ever saw me drinking. they didnt care about my drinking or what i had done. they cared about what i was willing to do to stay stopped.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: UK
Posts: 5,678
Welcome to a great place for support SomebodyElse. You are not in this alone x
I would have another chat with your husband..he does not need to understand but he needs to be supportive and not actively encourage you to drink. People who do that to me are likely to find themselves off my xmas card list...
If you don't see yourself going to AA try AVRT, no meetings required. I started off with that and it really really helped. And join the Class of June on this forum. This is a great place for support and I'm sure you'll find a lot of help here x
I would have another chat with your husband..he does not need to understand but he needs to be supportive and not actively encourage you to drink. People who do that to me are likely to find themselves off my xmas card list...
If you don't see yourself going to AA try AVRT, no meetings required. I started off with that and it really really helped. And join the Class of June on this forum. This is a great place for support and I'm sure you'll find a lot of help here x
Re-Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Colorado Springs, Colorado
Posts: 7,583
Welcome somebody,
My wife and I drank together too and for years. We both smoked too. 19 months ago I checked into a VA hospital for a medical detox for 7 days with a follow on rehab program for 28 days. I desperately wanted to quit as it was literally killing me. I was drinking from wake up to passing out.
I made it.
My wife still drinks and smokes as do all the people I used to drink with. We don't go out much, we drank at home. We have had some recent issues but managed to keep it together as there is no compromise for me on drinking or putting up with bad behaviors when drinking. If it took breaking up I was willing to do that, but I don't think that will be necessary as I am taking care of myself, not controlling another, or being controlled.
The drinkers are really boring sober, and even a bit annoying. In that you are right. You will spend less time around them because you are sober, not because they rejected you.
For each of us it isn't about us as we are now and our current activities. Not even about what our kids or family deserves from us. It is about what we can do with the freedom to live a life, instead of a lie.
You have no idea how much easier it is to not have to spend a large portion of your thinking to keeping up appearances. From covering up a hangover to trying to get by at work when we are capable of excelling at it.
Stick around, there is a lot to learn here. I did.
My wife and I drank together too and for years. We both smoked too. 19 months ago I checked into a VA hospital for a medical detox for 7 days with a follow on rehab program for 28 days. I desperately wanted to quit as it was literally killing me. I was drinking from wake up to passing out.
I made it.
My wife still drinks and smokes as do all the people I used to drink with. We don't go out much, we drank at home. We have had some recent issues but managed to keep it together as there is no compromise for me on drinking or putting up with bad behaviors when drinking. If it took breaking up I was willing to do that, but I don't think that will be necessary as I am taking care of myself, not controlling another, or being controlled.
The drinkers are really boring sober, and even a bit annoying. In that you are right. You will spend less time around them because you are sober, not because they rejected you.
For each of us it isn't about us as we are now and our current activities. Not even about what our kids or family deserves from us. It is about what we can do with the freedom to live a life, instead of a lie.
You have no idea how much easier it is to not have to spend a large portion of your thinking to keeping up appearances. From covering up a hangover to trying to get by at work when we are capable of excelling at it.
Stick around, there is a lot to learn here. I did.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 138
I got sober in March of 2011. I just turned 40 this April. I have 2 children, ages 10 and 13 now. Getting sober was hard for me and required me to change most everything in my life. First, I had to have the desire to be sober more than I wanted to drink. Next, I had to find a program of recovery that I believed would work for me, commit to it and follow through. I used AA, but there are many options to chose from I like AA because I needed the face to face support it offerred. Lastly, I had to change my social life. I stopped going out and stopped entertaining. It was too hard to be around people drinking in early sobriety. I felt bored sometimes; but I could look myself in the mirror without feeling guily, shame, embarrassement, and remorse on a daily basis. I became a person I liked and a person whom my children are proud of. Sobriety isn't easy, but it is worth it. Nothing changes if nothing changes. Start doing things differently and things will change.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 26
Originally Posted by Sapling
Welcome to SR SomebodyElse....If you did run into someone you know...Maybe they could show you how it works. I was a lot like you...Everyone I knew...Including family drank...Alcohol cost me everything.....Almost my life...I ran out of options...I had to surround myself with people that didn't drink...Or if they did...They wanted to do the same thing I wanted....To stop. I went to a meeting...Almost a year ago...You know what I found out?...My way didn't work...Their way did. Here is a great site how meetings work if you change your mind...This is a great site also...Glad you are here.
Sapling, I read over the link and can certainly relate to the fear and anxiety that they mention. Thanks for posting this.
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