JamesHeath1

So its a long story but bare with me. About a year ago my cousin moved in to my parents home with me due to financial hardship. At the time I knew that he was messing around with prescription pain pills, but didn't know the extent of his addiction until later. I myself was on a prescription for Tramadol which he didn't know about for good reason.
A few months later, realizing that I was extremely addicted to the Tramadol I quit cold turkey from taking 180 a month. What I didn't know was that Tramadol is also an ssri, and that ssri withdrawals last 45 days. Emotionally it was overwhelming dealing with the opiate withdrawals and the ssri withdrawals at the same time. I then had a very good understanding of how bad addiction can be.
One week into my sobriety I'm hanging out with him and found out that he was using a pain patch. Smoking the contents. I was aware of how dangerous these can be from stories my grandmother told me about them. Well he was nodding off but continued to use the patch that night. Around 2 a.m. I decided to go to bed. I had the feeling to go check on him and found him not breathing and purple in his bed. He had aluminum foil and a straw on his chest. I called 911 and the women talked me through mouth to mouth. Moments before the ambulance arrived he woke up. I told him I called 911 and he got up went out on the porch so the cops couldn't search the place. apparently he didn't want them finding the paraphernalia. Well that occurrence shook me up pretty good, to the point of finding another place to live. I couldn't deal with the stress of seeing this happen again, or worse (not being able to revive him). I and my father had a good long talk with him afterwards about him quitting, because ultimately this would lead to his death. He seemed very embarrassed, humbled, and overall outgoing about quitting. Well its been about 4 months since that and he has not quit. My father has been very patient and offered his help during the 4 months. He has lied and said he is sober, but all I have to do is look at his pupils and know when he has used. He doesn't have the willpower to quit. I'm very fortunate that I was able to quit when I decided to. Things took a turn for the worst last weekend. I was visiting for the weekend and he had a mutual friend over. They repeatedly went into and out of his room. I obviously knew what they were doing. About an hour later he asked if I would like to watch a program on tv with our friend. I said yes. About 2 minutes into the program, our mutual friend nodded off and started drooling on his shirt. I immediately started trying to wake him up to no avail. I told my cousin to lay him flat and begin mouth to mouth. I was hoping that him being the one giving the mouth to mouth and hoping his friend doesn't die would be a wake up call. I called 911 the paramedics arrived and gave him Narcan. He lived, but another close call. This is twice in four months at my parents home. After the first overdose my cousin asked that we not tell anyone. He said that he would tell who he wanted to. I was alright with that. After the second one my father had had it and called his sister (cousins mom). She had no idea that he had overdosed months ago. Apparently he told no one. He told my father and I that he had told his mom. He lied about that also. The night our friend overdosed he also said that he was sober but he obviously wasn't. And our friend said both of them were using. I don't know what to do anymore? I have exhausted my resources and he is still using, and deceiving. My father has had it as well, and I do not blame him. Does it take him hitting total rock bottom for him to stop? As in homeless with withdrawals? My father is ready to kick him out. Is that the wrong thing to do? Any advise would be great. J

tjp613

Yes, unfortunately, it usually requires allowing the addict to feel the full brunt of the consequences of their drug use before they will even consider quitting. In this case your father certainly has the right to refuse illegal drug use in his home and refuse to shelter active drug users! Your cousin will most likely promise to clean up his act, and he might just do that....but it does not have to be in your father's house. He's an adult (I assume) and can find his own way.

If it were me, I would give him 2 hours to pack and be gone, then I'd change the locks and call the police if he showed up on my property again. Enough is enough. But that's me.

SeekingGrowth

I think that kicking him out is the right thing to do. I wouldn't want to live with that kind of thing going on in my house, and as long as he's using, the chaos and deceit will continue. Depending on the nature of the addiction, I'd start worrying about the possibility of theft as well. It is unlikely that you or your father will be able to "reason" him into recovery. You certainly can't "love" him into recovery. In my experience (similar to many others), an addict will want recovery only when the negative consequences of addiction outweigh the benefits. You and your father have no idea where your cousin's "bottom" is, and you can't "force" recovery on him, so it really comes down to what you and your father are comfortable living with. Your decision to kick him out or not should not be based on what you think is most likely to help HIM into recovery, because you have no control over that. You need to set boundaries for YOURSELVES - are YOU willing to live with an active addict in your home?

I'd tell him that he needs to get into a recovery program or he needs to get out. And if you decide to kick him out, I'd give him a week's notice so that he has at least a little time to find another place to stay. Might want to hide your valuables before you do this.

JamesHeath1

Thanks tjp613, and SeekingGrowth for the quick replies. Its never an easy decision. But I do agree with what you both have posted. Yes he is an adult, and I know we all have had hard times. But that is no reason to continue the abuse. I know he wants his life to be better. The only way for that to happen is responsibility. Responsibility for his actions is a good place to start. When he learns he is being held accountable for these actions, then maybe he will start to learn other responsibility's along the way. He is definitely old enough to understand this. And old enough to know better. I understand addiction is a disease, but it is curable. And knowing him, rock bottom seems like the only thing that will change his hard headed ways. An outside opinion is priceless. It seems that my view of the situation had become clouded. I thank you again for your help, and will pay the favor forward when I have some words of value to someone in need of them.
James

shockozulu

Everyone's bottom is different. Institutions and death (my heart stopped completely once) was still not enough for me to quit drinking and using. It wasn't until I became spiritually bankrupt that I hit my bottom. I've never looked anywhere but up since.

Until recently I as living with an addict. I hit my bottom with her and have since left. Like you, my view of the situation was clouded. It took two friends, a counselor and an emergency room physician before I was able to see the truth for what it was, which is that I was in a physically dangerous home.

Please protect yourself and your items. He needs to leave as soon as possible.