Its so hard
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 22
Its so hard
How to change negative thinking and behaviours?
I read posts in here and theres a lot of positive stuff I love seeing,and it all makes sense, I can relate to it and I know its a great positive healthy way to think.
However .......
I am dwelling on the negative of EVERYTHING
How crap things have become since I stopped drinking, How my partners behaviours and attitudes frustrate the hell out of me because heres a surprise....we're actually different people and have different outlooks on life and different expectations of others!!! How my kids want to spend 99% of the time at their fathers instead of the 50/50 arrangement we had while I was a booze hag from hell. How annoying my job is and how frustrating it is how many ******* call me on the phone all day every day while Im there. I have no hobbies,cant afford any.
When Im in a sane frame of mind (once or twice a week/month) I can see that things are actually postive. Im sober for the first time in 15 years. I have a full time job for the first time ever, which is extremely well paying considering I have absolutely no experience at all. I have a partner who is supportive and understands (he also is in recovery - He handles it alot beter than I do). Im in counselling and trying to deal with issues that caused me to avoid everything thats too difficult to deal with.
Half the time I think I actually do have a huge mental disorder. I am crazy.CRAAAAZZZZZYYYY.
Woe is me!!! Cant wait for the end!!! So flat all the time..
HELP!!!
When will it get better and how do I change my way of thinking??? I want to be a postive person and I want it NOW. I want everything to be good NOW. I want to be happy NOW.
aaaarrrghhhhhh
Sorry you all had to read this
I read posts in here and theres a lot of positive stuff I love seeing,and it all makes sense, I can relate to it and I know its a great positive healthy way to think.
However .......
I am dwelling on the negative of EVERYTHING
How crap things have become since I stopped drinking, How my partners behaviours and attitudes frustrate the hell out of me because heres a surprise....we're actually different people and have different outlooks on life and different expectations of others!!! How my kids want to spend 99% of the time at their fathers instead of the 50/50 arrangement we had while I was a booze hag from hell. How annoying my job is and how frustrating it is how many ******* call me on the phone all day every day while Im there. I have no hobbies,cant afford any.
When Im in a sane frame of mind (once or twice a week/month) I can see that things are actually postive. Im sober for the first time in 15 years. I have a full time job for the first time ever, which is extremely well paying considering I have absolutely no experience at all. I have a partner who is supportive and understands (he also is in recovery - He handles it alot beter than I do). Im in counselling and trying to deal with issues that caused me to avoid everything thats too difficult to deal with.
Half the time I think I actually do have a huge mental disorder. I am crazy.CRAAAAZZZZZYYYY.
Woe is me!!! Cant wait for the end!!! So flat all the time..
HELP!!!
When will it get better and how do I change my way of thinking??? I want to be a postive person and I want it NOW. I want everything to be good NOW. I want to be happy NOW.
aaaarrrghhhhhh
Sorry you all had to read this
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
Posts: 8,997
Hey SoberAddict...We alkies want everything NOW...Problem is...This is a process that takes TIME...What is your partner doing for recovery?...What are you doing for recovery?...Have you thought about a support network...Like AA?...That's what I use and it helps me just being around recovered alcoholics...We have a lot in common.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,469
Yeah, patience is necessary.
You sound like you have a good job, a partner who cares and other things going for you. And, I sure can relate to coming to the reality that my drinking reality was not quite right. It's hard when you see life from a sober and sane perspective, but it will be worth it to stick with your sober plan.
You sound like you have a good job, a partner who cares and other things going for you. And, I sure can relate to coming to the reality that my drinking reality was not quite right. It's hard when you see life from a sober and sane perspective, but it will be worth it to stick with your sober plan.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Here, Now
Posts: 4,268
Hey friend, I didn't want to get out of bed today, just thought sleep through it but got up got dressed dealt with a $70,000 treatment bill, took a walk, listened to music, upstairs neighbor brought me a homemade bar of soap, her first batch, I breathed I moved, I got by, maybe enought for today. Oh and visited my treatment program to say hi and thanks. Not sure what to do but do something. My best.
Sober Alcoholic
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 3,539
Sounds like there is more that needs changing with you than what you take, or don’t take to “feel better”. Feeling better without ingesting some mood altering substance is often only part of the trick. It often involves broad lifestyle changes for most people AND it requires huge changes in perspective. I give you credit for attempting to address this through therapy. Often, however, the changes needed require something even more life altering. I refer to the “steps” taken in the program of AA. If you have 8 months sober and are often miserable, you need a change..
Your attitude, not your aptitude, will determine your altitude
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Oxnard (The Nard), CA, USA.
Posts: 13,889
Dealing with life sober is a skill set for me. Like addiction treatment, I need a living life treatment plan. Having a site like cbtrecovery helps me to develop healthy living (recovery tools) skills.
I wish there was a magic
wand to wave over me and poof...everything is peachy. Alas I'll have make all my positive change with patients, practice and perseverance.
The good news is you too can change with the right tools.
I wish there was a magic
wand to wave over me and poof...everything is peachy. Alas I'll have make all my positive change with patients, practice and perseverance. The good news is you too can change with the right tools.
Re-Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Colorado Springs, Colorado
Posts: 7,583
If you had the money, what would you wish to do? Maybe not today, maybe a dream from before you started drinking. You have the money you used to spend on booze. Why not take a few hundred and drive to a major town for an art exhibit, or a museum you've never seen before? Try sky diving, or scuba diving whichever you are nearest. Too cold, take a ski lesson or twenty.
I don't know about others but what held me back so long was the conditioned response to going out from being a heavy drinker/alcoholic/drunk/problem drinker for so long. It took me a long time, almost a year, to fully realize how free I was now. Before I quit, for years the thought of driving or going out involved the risk of DUI, social embarrassment for my drinking, paranoia of Law enforcement for a variety of reasons, not the least of which was the open container law.
Did you ever watch the movie "The Shawshank Redemption?" Remember the guy that could not adapt to being free and hung himself because of conditioning? I had a little of that, but not the suicidal part, just the feeling that I can't do some things because I could not for years. Quitting the slow suicide of drinking proved that I wanted to live, and even more, live a life and not a lie.
So there I was at six months and more and I was sitting there doing the same things I did when I was drinking. Isolating and staying home a lot. Not out of fear of drinking, it was just the self-conditioning of a good high functioning alcoholic. (Yes folks I also believe the words High Functioning and Alcoholic combined are an oxymoron but that is another topic.)
I had to force myself to go out, shop, go to shows, and do things. Most of all get off my dead axe and get back into shape, physically and emotionally, which both take working out.
Once I realized how free I was, it became a bit overwhelming because there are now so many possibilities for me I was terrified to choose! NO excuses anymore. And I wasn't the brilliant conversationalist or creative genius that alcohol made me feel like. Then I realized neither was anybody else! I was good enough, and began the long learning curve in any relationship to get to know and love another. Except now I was meeting me for the first time in ages and I had changed. Like an old friend, I was glad to have back, warts and all, I found myself . . . period.
Go out and find yourself. Or hang in there for a year until you decide to. Or you could cut the learning curve short and start having fun today. Unless you aren't through grieving for alcohol. I never grieved. I spat on its grave. And smiled.
You see, the best revenge is living well.
I don't know about others but what held me back so long was the conditioned response to going out from being a heavy drinker/alcoholic/drunk/problem drinker for so long. It took me a long time, almost a year, to fully realize how free I was now. Before I quit, for years the thought of driving or going out involved the risk of DUI, social embarrassment for my drinking, paranoia of Law enforcement for a variety of reasons, not the least of which was the open container law.
Did you ever watch the movie "The Shawshank Redemption?" Remember the guy that could not adapt to being free and hung himself because of conditioning? I had a little of that, but not the suicidal part, just the feeling that I can't do some things because I could not for years. Quitting the slow suicide of drinking proved that I wanted to live, and even more, live a life and not a lie.
So there I was at six months and more and I was sitting there doing the same things I did when I was drinking. Isolating and staying home a lot. Not out of fear of drinking, it was just the self-conditioning of a good high functioning alcoholic. (Yes folks I also believe the words High Functioning and Alcoholic combined are an oxymoron but that is another topic.)
I had to force myself to go out, shop, go to shows, and do things. Most of all get off my dead axe and get back into shape, physically and emotionally, which both take working out.
Once I realized how free I was, it became a bit overwhelming because there are now so many possibilities for me I was terrified to choose! NO excuses anymore. And I wasn't the brilliant conversationalist or creative genius that alcohol made me feel like. Then I realized neither was anybody else! I was good enough, and began the long learning curve in any relationship to get to know and love another. Except now I was meeting me for the first time in ages and I had changed. Like an old friend, I was glad to have back, warts and all, I found myself . . . period.
Go out and find yourself. Or hang in there for a year until you decide to. Or you could cut the learning curve short and start having fun today. Unless you aren't through grieving for alcohol. I never grieved. I spat on its grave. And smiled.
You see, the best revenge is living well.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
"When will it get better and how do I change my way of thinking???"
if ya know how to get to broadway, ya know how the change yer thinking.
" I want to be a postive person and I want it NOW. I want everything to be good NOW. I want to be happy NOW."
Things I Must Earn. we didnt get to where we were overnight.
if ya know how to get to broadway, ya know how the change yer thinking.
" I want to be a postive person and I want it NOW. I want everything to be good NOW. I want to be happy NOW."
Things I Must Earn. we didnt get to where we were overnight.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 22
Originally Posted by Sapling 
Hey SoberAddict...We alkies want everything NOW...Problem is...This is a process that takes TIME...What is your partner doing for recovery?...What are you doing for recovery?...Have you thought about a support network...Like AA?...That's what I use and it helps me just being around recovered alcoholics...We have a lot in common.
My partner goes to N.A. I started going with him but it wasnt for me. I loved listening to the other addicts speak their wisdom but I felt too under pressure to "share". And now,months later I realise that maybe I just dont want to share with him (partner) there. Some days I just dont want to talk...and that should be ok. I am considering going to AA. I need to be around other addicts. It does help.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 22
Originally Posted by Anna
Yeah, patience is necessary.
You sound like you have a good job, a partner who cares and other things going for you. And, I sure can relate to coming to the reality that my drinking reality was not quite right. It's hard when you see life from a sober and sane perspective, but it will be worth it to stick with your sober plan.
You sound like you have a good job, a partner who cares and other things going for you. And, I sure can relate to coming to the reality that my drinking reality was not quite right. It's hard when you see life from a sober and sane perspective, but it will be worth it to stick with your sober plan.
Patience,amongst other things has never been my strong point. Working on it though. I dont plan on picking up again,I know its not for me,it will kill me.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 1,410
Seem to me that your facing life sober. Time to deal with the everyday stuff. Yea alcohol will numb some of it but it will always be there. Learn how to deal with it now and it will get better. Depress or anxiety? Talk to your doctor about anti-depression pills. It may help you go through some of this stuff easier.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 22
Originally Posted by MycoolFitz
Hey friend, I didn't want to get out of bed today, just thought sleep through it but got up got dressed dealt with a $70,000 treatment bill, took a walk, listened to music, upstairs neighbor brought me a homemade bar of soap, her first batch, I breathed I moved, I got by, maybe enought for today. Oh and visited my treatment program to say hi and thanks. Not sure what to do but do something. My best.
Just for today,I need to remember that. And I need to be grateful,and stop expecting too much,too soon. You sound like youre doing great. All the best to you also
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
Posts: 8,997
Originally Posted by SoberAddict
Hi Sapling. Thanks.
My partner goes to N.A. I started going with him but it wasnt for me. I loved listening to the other addicts speak their wisdom but I felt too under pressure to "share". And now,months later I realise that maybe I just dont want to share with him (partner) there. Some days I just dont want to talk...and that should be ok. I am considering going to AA. I need to be around other addicts. It does help.
My partner goes to N.A. I started going with him but it wasnt for me. I loved listening to the other addicts speak their wisdom but I felt too under pressure to "share". And now,months later I realise that maybe I just dont want to share with him (partner) there. Some days I just dont want to talk...and that should be ok. I am considering going to AA. I need to be around other addicts. It does help.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 22
Originally Posted by awuh1
Sounds like there is more that needs changing with you than what you take, or don’t take to “feel better”. Feeling better without ingesting some mood altering substance is often only part of the trick. It often involves broad lifestyle changes for most people AND it requires huge changes in perspective. I give you credit for attempting to address this through therapy. Often, however, the changes needed require something even more life altering. I refer to the “steps” taken in the program of AA. If you have 8 months sober and are often miserable, you need a change..
Thanks for your comment
Re-Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Colorado Springs, Colorado
Posts: 7,583
I was the same, and AA was perfect. It was my refuge for the first year of my sobriety, even though I went to my home group sparingly after the first three months. There is nothing like a face to face fellowship of our fellows. Some prefer to not go to meetings and there are recovery methods for them too. AA and Here were my touchstones and support for my successful quitting of both smoking and drinking alcohol. I did not like the one NA meeting I went to either. I can sure help another alcoholic, but have no clue for addicts to other drugs. Heck I don't even know what most of them are when folks mention their DOC here, and I have no experience with addiction to them.
Find a nice home group and settle in. You will also be helping others when you do.
Find a nice home group and settle in. You will also be helping others when you do.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,526
Hi SA. You know, when I first joined SR I actually found the happy, upbeat posts & smilies very annoying. I was a completely different person back then. I was touchy and irritable - but like you, wanting not to be! If you have the desire to be different, then at some point you will be.
It does take time to readjust ourselves to the new life we're leading now. We do actually have to learn to live again in a different way. Getting used to not having our buffer, and dealing with things head on, is a new skill for most of us - but it's one we need to develop. I did it, and you will too. It's so much better to be clearheaded, not foggy or - as you said - the 'booze hag from hell'.
It does take time to readjust ourselves to the new life we're leading now. We do actually have to learn to live again in a different way. Getting used to not having our buffer, and dealing with things head on, is a new skill for most of us - but it's one we need to develop. I did it, and you will too. It's so much better to be clearheaded, not foggy or - as you said - the 'booze hag from hell'.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 22
Originally Posted by Itchy
If you had the money, what would you wish to do? Maybe not today, maybe a dream from before you started drinking. You have the money you used to spend on booze. Why not take a few hundred and drive to a major town for an art exhibit, or a museum you've never seen before? Try sky diving, or scuba diving whichever you are nearest. Too cold, take a ski lesson or twenty.
I don't know about others but what held me back so long was the conditioned response to going out from being a heavy drinker/alcoholic/drunk/problem drinker for so long. It took me a long time, almost a year, to fully realize how free I was now. Before I quit, for years the thought of driving or going out involved the risk of DUI, social embarrassment for my drinking, paranoia of Law enforcement for a variety of reasons, not the least of which was the open container law.
Did you ever watch the movie "The Shawshank Redemption?" Remember the guy that could not adapt to being free and hung himself because of conditioning? I had a little of that, but not the suicidal part, just the feeling that I can't do some things because I could not for years. Quitting the slow suicide of drinking proved that I wanted to live, and even more, live a life and not a lie.
So there I was at six months and more and I was sitting there doing the same things I did when I was drinking. Isolating and staying home a lot. Not out of fear of drinking, it was just the self-conditioning of a good high functioning alcoholic. (Yes folks I also believe the words High Functioning and Alcoholic combined are an oxymoron but that is another topic.)
I had to force myself to go out, shop, go to shows, and do things. Most of all get off my dead axe and get back into shape, physically and emotionally, which both take working out.
Once I realized how free I was, it became a bit overwhelming because there are now so many possibilities for me I was terrified to choose! NO excuses anymore. And I wasn't the brilliant conversationalist or creative genius that alcohol made me feel like. Then I realized neither was anybody else! I was good enough, and began the long learning curve in any relationship to get to know and love another. Except now I was meeting me for the first time in ages and I had changed. Like an old friend, I was glad to have back, warts and all, I found myself . . . period.
Go out and find yourself. Or hang in there for a year until you decide to. Or you could cut the learning curve short and start having fun today. Unless you aren't through grieving for alcohol. I never grieved. I spat on its grave. And smiled.
You see, the best revenge is living well.
I don't know about others but what held me back so long was the conditioned response to going out from being a heavy drinker/alcoholic/drunk/problem drinker for so long. It took me a long time, almost a year, to fully realize how free I was now. Before I quit, for years the thought of driving or going out involved the risk of DUI, social embarrassment for my drinking, paranoia of Law enforcement for a variety of reasons, not the least of which was the open container law.
Did you ever watch the movie "The Shawshank Redemption?" Remember the guy that could not adapt to being free and hung himself because of conditioning? I had a little of that, but not the suicidal part, just the feeling that I can't do some things because I could not for years. Quitting the slow suicide of drinking proved that I wanted to live, and even more, live a life and not a lie.
So there I was at six months and more and I was sitting there doing the same things I did when I was drinking. Isolating and staying home a lot. Not out of fear of drinking, it was just the self-conditioning of a good high functioning alcoholic. (Yes folks I also believe the words High Functioning and Alcoholic combined are an oxymoron but that is another topic.)
I had to force myself to go out, shop, go to shows, and do things. Most of all get off my dead axe and get back into shape, physically and emotionally, which both take working out.
Once I realized how free I was, it became a bit overwhelming because there are now so many possibilities for me I was terrified to choose! NO excuses anymore. And I wasn't the brilliant conversationalist or creative genius that alcohol made me feel like. Then I realized neither was anybody else! I was good enough, and began the long learning curve in any relationship to get to know and love another. Except now I was meeting me for the first time in ages and I had changed. Like an old friend, I was glad to have back, warts and all, I found myself . . . period.
Go out and find yourself. Or hang in there for a year until you decide to. Or you could cut the learning curve short and start having fun today. Unless you aren't through grieving for alcohol. I never grieved. I spat on its grave. And smiled.
You see, the best revenge is living well.
If I had the money I'd start playing ice hockey
You would think Id have lots of money but unfortunately I thought it was a good idea to buy a Holden v6 when I got my new job,its very thirsty.PLus all the debt collectors have caught up with me. Im worse of financially than when I was a bum drinker. Go figure!! I know it will get better though.
I am still grieving for alcohol unfortunately, and all the fun times it bought to me. At the end it wasnt so fun but its easy to block that out and think of the good times. Its kinda like losing a close friend that you hung out with every day. Even if they were a trouble maker.
I love what youve written,very positive and it gives me hope. Thankyou so much
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 22
Originally Posted by tomsteve
"When will it get better and how do I change my way of thinking???"
if ya know how to get to broadway, ya know how the change yer thinking.
" I want to be a postive person and I want it NOW. I want everything to be good NOW. I want to be happy NOW."
Things I Must Earn. we didnt get to where we were overnight.
if ya know how to get to broadway, ya know how the change yer thinking.
" I want to be a postive person and I want it NOW. I want everything to be good NOW. I want to be happy NOW."
Things I Must Earn. we didnt get to where we were overnight.
Thanks
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 22
Originally Posted by ACT10Npack
Seem to me that your facing life sober. Time to deal with the everyday stuff. Yea alcohol will numb some of it but it will always be there. Learn how to deal with it now and it will get better. Depress or anxiety? Talk to your doctor about anti-depression pills. It may help you go through some of this stuff easier.
I want to steer away from anti depresants. I really am crazy enough. Drugs make me wierd. Thats how I ended up an alcoholic.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
