Soscared458

Hi everyone. I'm 32 years old and have had a roxy addiction on and off for a year. I stopped for 3 months and also one week but right back each time. I have detoxes myself twice and it was painful but I did it. I don't know what to do now cause I can't stop. I don't know what else to do to stop. The mental part I think is what keeps bringing me back. I'm so afraid please tell me where to start.

doggonecarl

Welcome to SR. There is getting clean and getting recovered.

Have to been to any kind of rehab or face to face support? Narcotics Anonymous could provide the support from people who have done what you are trying to do.

Good luck.

Anna

The mental part of addiction is often the hardest. Stopping the drug is the first step and then the hard work begins. For me, I had to take a very hard look at myself and my life and recognize that I was not the person I had pretended to be. I had to begin to rebuild myself based on the truths about myself.

You might want to check out a support group such as AVRT, NA or SMART. Also, you will find lots of support here. It would be a good idea to talk to your dr, too.

Soscared458

Ty guys. Yes I finished day 3 of an outpatient program but as soon as I left I got more. I don't know what will make me stop. I'm really scared.

artsoul

Welcome, SoScared -

This is my third time getting sober, and each time it seemed harder to quit. I was terrified, too...... Even though I was miserable and hated my addiction to drinking, I also felt it was the only way I could cope with my life. I (falsely) assumed things would just get worse if I got sober or that I'd just fail over and over again and lose hope.

I'm glad you reached out today - we can't do this alone. This forum helped me start to believe that a better life is possible and I know it can be that way for you too. :ghug3

Check out the substance abuse section, too:
Substance Abuse - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

Sapling

Welcome to SR...It really sounds like you need some support...Being around recovered addicts...Getting phone numbers from members of the same sex that you can call when you need too...It sounds like left up to you alone...You're going to use. Have you been to an NA meeting before?

Soscared458

Artsoul.....I have absolutely no coping skills in life so the minute something goes the slightest bit wrong I want to use cause it makes everything ok. I am in therapy now five days a week but even being there doesn't stop me. I don't know what will make me stop.

Sapling

What did you do to stop for three months before?

Soscared458

Sapling.... Ur right I cannot be trusted alOne at all. I did try one NA meeting but I never went back. So I signed up for this outpatient program to resolve some issues and find my triggers. I know I will be honest on Monday that I used today and over the weekend. Now I'm alone because I started again I'm holding this secret cause I'm too ashamed to tell any of my family or friends. I just don't know.

Soscared458

Sapling I detoxes myself n rested for about five days and had RLS for two weeks. I guess I didn't think about it too much cause life was going good. Then I started to get stressed at my job and started again. I know I have it in me just don't know how to stop for good n not start again : (

Sapling

Why didn't you go back Soscared?....It's not like you really gave it a chance....If you can't trust yourself alone...What better support are you going to get?

Soscared458

I live alone so I'm often by myself. One option is having my bf mOve in but not even he knows my truth. Other than that I don't know what else. I didn't give it a chance ur right. I didn't go cause I was starting outpatient n didn't believe I needed both.

Sapling

It's a matter of going to a meeting...Are you a male or a female?...I don't even know. Go to the meeting...Find someone the same sex as you that has some years clean...More than 5 would be great...And ask them to help you get clean...Then you have to listen and follow directions. It can be done...I did it with alcohol.

MalkavianEmily

Welcome to SR, Soscared.

Soscared458

I'm female. Ok I will start going again if that will help. I'm desperate and don't know why I can't just stop it's so frustrating!!!!!!! I feel like such a loser!!!

Sapling

You're not a loser...You're an addict...We're not bad people...We're just sick....But we can get better. I had given up hope...I went to a meeting wanting it to work...I was desperate. I found someone that knew how it worked and asked them to help me...And he did....And I haven't drank since. Does your BF use?....If not maybe it would be a good idea for him to move in...Keep an eye on you.....You have to start getting honest with yourself...If the outpatient is working...Use that too...Use this site...Do as much as you can to get better....And you can change your life.

Soscared458

No my BF doesn't use anything. I will take ur advice and continue my outpatient and commit myself to the meetings. Wanting to stop doesn't seem to be enough anymore. I really do appreciate u taking the time to talk to me. And congrats on ur sobriety!!!! It gives me hope to hear that. Ty for saying I'm not a loser. I feel real down right now. I have come to terms w the fact I am an addict.

Sapling

We are not losers...Get that out of your head...Do me a favor....Make sure you check in here every day so we know how you are doing....See if you can go to a meeting every day...Get a sponsor to help you..Tell your BF what you are doing and tell him you need his support...Go to your outpatient...Do whatever you have to do...Just don't pick up...No matter what. Does that sound like a deal?

Soscared458

Yea it's a deal!!! I am so grateful I met u!!! U really lifted my spirits and gave me hope. Ty so much : )

Soscared458

Yes I will stay in touch too!!!!!