On going bad news triggering me to want a drink
Grateful AA member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: In the middle of the woods, NJ
Posts: 567
On going bad news triggering me to want a drink
I went with my case manager to Social Services today. My dad is moving out in two weeks and I have to go and looking for long term housing takes for ever. I want to work but my case manager said getting these benefits are more important atm bc finding a job is hard. But, I have to apply to become an American citizen first since I hold a Green Card.
So, I will be homeless either choice willl be a lovely boarding house filled ewith drug addicts or living in a different Church each night. My depression spiraled out of control due to lack of stability Now the Churches take women but you have to be there by a certain time in afternoon so If I did that and I do plan on getting a job I have to work around those hours and cant make evening AA meetings which around here is mostly evening.
My choices. I thought my life was supposed to be getting better. I also hate that I am going thru all this disability stuff bc of my depression. How many times do I tell these people I do not want to be labeled I have depression I am capable of working I am not living off the government.
I am terrified of calling anyone in AA even my sponsor and telling anyone how I feel bc of how my last sponsor reacted called me lazy all I want to do is live off the government and get a ******* job and stop the self pity.
The continous lack of stability is really getting to me and I feel like eff it my life is not getting anymore manageable I am still hitting brick wall after brick wall
So, I will be homeless either choice willl be a lovely boarding house filled ewith drug addicts or living in a different Church each night. My depression spiraled out of control due to lack of stability Now the Churches take women but you have to be there by a certain time in afternoon so If I did that and I do plan on getting a job I have to work around those hours and cant make evening AA meetings which around here is mostly evening.
My choices. I thought my life was supposed to be getting better. I also hate that I am going thru all this disability stuff bc of my depression. How many times do I tell these people I do not want to be labeled I have depression I am capable of working I am not living off the government.
I am terrified of calling anyone in AA even my sponsor and telling anyone how I feel bc of how my last sponsor reacted called me lazy all I want to do is live off the government and get a ******* job and stop the self pity.
The continous lack of stability is really getting to me and I feel like eff it my life is not getting anymore manageable I am still hitting brick wall after brick wall
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Canada. About as far south as you can get
Posts: 4,768
Most of the brick walls I hit are self-constructed.
Do what your case manager suggests, get back to AA and with your sponsor.
All will be well down the line.
All the best.
Bob R
Do what your case manager suggests, get back to AA and with your sponsor.
All will be well down the line.
All the best.
Bob R
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
Posts: 8,997
I can tell you right now drinking won't make any of this any better..Pray on it...Call your sponsor...Tell her what's going on...Don't whine about it...Explain it...Don't worry about what your last sponsor said...Stay connected and don't drink today. Then pray on it again...Keep going forward...Just get through today....Without drinking.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
fear knocked at the door. faith answered. no one was there. please get ya some courage and pick up the phone and call your sponsor and others in recovery. the phone is lighter than a bottle and helps better,too.
Grateful AA member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: In the middle of the woods, NJ
Posts: 567
I am going to a meeting in a few hours. Sometimes I like to be alone with my thoughts. I feel better now I just have to be strong keep fighting. This case manager thinks I should not be working atm. Hell no I am not living off the government I am more than capable of working. Makes me want to fight the stigma for mental illlness and addiction even more. Grr.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
Posts: 8,997
Just hang in there....You're doing great...Remember triggers are just excuses...You have no excuses to drink IC....None. It solves nothing. There are going to be good and there are going to be rough times.....None of them are an excuse to drink. It's life...Have faith and move on...If you pray...Pray more....If you don't...Start to. It's so much nicer than drinking.
Guest
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 557
Keep with it, 'cause it's definitely worth it regardless the adversity. Just think of it this way, now you're working to solve your issues, when you were drinking, if you were like me, you were just hiding from them.
I also found that sometimes getting the right sponsor can be kind of like shoppin for a car, you have to shop around a little and try them out, till you find one that gives you what you need
I also found that sometimes getting the right sponsor can be kind of like shoppin for a car, you have to shop around a little and try them out, till you find one that gives you what you need
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 2,308
Hi Innerchild,
have you sorted out the housing issue? Which one did you go with? Having somewhere stable to live is so important. It will happen. I know you want to work but perhaps sort out your accommodation first. Nothing stopping you from sending off applications and see what is out there though.
take care
Love
CaiHong
have you sorted out the housing issue? Which one did you go with? Having somewhere stable to live is so important. It will happen. I know you want to work but perhaps sort out your accommodation first. Nothing stopping you from sending off applications and see what is out there though.
take care
Love
CaiHong
Grateful AA member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: In the middle of the woods, NJ
Posts: 567
Thanks guys. I craved a drink for a little while I know thats just out of habit to avoid reality but then feeling went away. Wallowed in depression for most of the day took a nap then thought to myself....screw this! I am GOING to find a job, I will NOT be living off the government and no one is going to tell me working maybe too much for me at this point. I have depression but I am not my depression and I will not allow anyone stick the stigma of depression or alcoholism on my forehead. I will not drink over this because its just going to end me back in the psych unit and the label continues.
I am not one of those people who will use mental illness to get stuff handed to me. I am quite capable of living like a "normal" person I just need to use the tools I have learned from therapy and AA and not pick up.
Well, this is a huge turnaround for me lol
I am not one of those people who will use mental illness to get stuff handed to me. I am quite capable of living like a "normal" person I just need to use the tools I have learned from therapy and AA and not pick up.
Well, this is a huge turnaround for me lol
~sb
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,967
How about searching for "sober living" "halfway houses" or "Oxford Houses" and put in your city and state or jersey shore nj. I found over 300 on one site.
Your home is out there!! Keep praying, keep staying stopped.
I wish you well!
Your home is out there!! Keep praying, keep staying stopped.
I wish you well!
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
These are just my thoughts and I'm not sure what your case worker is thinking but maybe he/she wants you to do things in a certain order, like being sure that you have some means of support while you work out the details of housing, citizenship, etc.(?)
You know, a lot of people find themselves in a situation where they have to take government assistance and it's usually on a temporary basis. No shame in that - it's part of what we pay taxes for. Once you get on your feet, you can stop the assistance. And you'll get there, you really will. I have depression, OCD and ADHD and it's on my record - it's never kept me from working. It's the drinking that made my life impossible. Hang in there!:ghug3
You know, a lot of people find themselves in a situation where they have to take government assistance and it's usually on a temporary basis. No shame in that - it's part of what we pay taxes for. Once you get on your feet, you can stop the assistance. And you'll get there, you really will. I have depression, OCD and ADHD and it's on my record - it's never kept me from working. It's the drinking that made my life impossible. Hang in there!:ghug3
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
