Sarambul119

Hey everyone. I'm new to all this, sort of. I am the classic daughter of an alcoholic (sober 12 years now) and I fell in love with another. I made excuses, told myself I could help him. I prayed for him fiercely, loved him, forgave him, enabled him. Over the past 18 months he has grown so much!! Yet alcohol was still where he turned when life got hard. He is going through AA right now, and 3 weeks into this, he has decided that he needs to "take a break." I was confused, hurt, but I didn't fight that. I want him to heal and get better. I love him more than he realizes. He says he loves me, and I feel that he does, but he has to focus on him now. I'm struggling with that. Any advice on how to handle this?? I know I have to respect it, and I'm doing that. What are some things that I can do to work on myself through this?

Pelican

Welcome to the SR family!

I like the saying in Alanon for family of addicted loved ones:

"Work the kind of program you want to see them working"

By focusing on your own recovery, you are becoming a healthier YOU!

Have you tried Alanon or individual counseling? Alanon meetings helped me to regain my focus, gave me my own literature to read, and offered face-to-face support with people that understood what my life was like.

I also got support, understanding, encouragement and wisdom by reading and posting as much as needed here at SR. I hope you will make yourself at home and do the same! We care about you.

Sarambul119

Thank you...Can you give me any more info about Alanon?

Pelican

Here is a link to a post that contains questions to see if you are someone that may benefit from attending Alanon:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...self-test.html

Alanon is a 12 step support group for friends and family members of alcoholics. It is based on the same 12 steps of AA for the alcoholic, but the steps are tailored to meed the needs of the loved ones. Meetings are free, and a donation basket is usually passed to accept $1 donation to offset any costs for the meeting space.

Here is a link that may help you find local Alanon meetings in your community:

How to find a meeting in the US/Canada/Puerto Rico

And more about Alanon:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-meetings.html

NYCDoglvr

I'm also a recovering alcoholic (20 years) and a codependent. It hurts and we're powerless over the outcome. I'm sure you know he's right to put his entire focus on staying sober. I suggest Al-anon and increasing AA meetings, get more into the program, helping other alcoholics. It is so easy to make our higher power another person in the same way it's easy to over eat, turn to drugs, shopping, whatever. It takes the focus off us and our own problems. Codependency is an addiction to another person, but the same issues are in play. So see it as another addiction and proceed from there.

Sarambul119

He's going to AA 5 times a week as a court ordered plan. Although it began as not being a choice, he's invested into the program and wants to live his life differently. I'm supporting that...but that being said, it's still hard to lose the person I love. I'm definitely going to try Alanon. Thanks for all your help