How do I learn to be more patient?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: South East England
Posts: 8,009
How do I learn to be more patient?
According to my lovely new sponsor, I need to learn to be patient, but I'm sort of impatient to learn it....!!!!
Sobriety will take as long as it takes, it's different for everybody and I mustn't rush the steps. That's what she told me last night.
She's right of course, I'm impulsive and always in a rush to get a result. I'm constantly counting the days I've been sober, wishing I was further along the line. Now I must learn to take time and treat it like a marathon and not a sprint.
Wise words. Just a hard task for me!x
Sobriety will take as long as it takes, it's different for everybody and I mustn't rush the steps. That's what she told me last night.
She's right of course, I'm impulsive and always in a rush to get a result. I'm constantly counting the days I've been sober, wishing I was further along the line. Now I must learn to take time and treat it like a marathon and not a sprint.
Wise words. Just a hard task for me!x
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: El Paso, Texas
Posts: 38
0_o
I feel ya. I think I have been told about my lack of patience since I was a child. I wish I could tell you that I have overcome this, but I have a long way to go. I think that I have realized that my impatience and impulsive attitude have led my absolutely no where. In my opinion, you are at least taking that wonderful advice into consideration instead of dismissing it. Perhaps that is a baby step in the way of patience?
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
One of the things i've found in my first couple weeks of sobriety is that it seems the alcohol itself was part of the driver of my impatience.
Another rule I try to live by is what I call "other people's shoes". If you really want to be patient in a situation, especially if it is trying, think of what the other person must feel like if you were standing in their shoes.
Another rule I try to live by is what I call "other people's shoes". If you really want to be patient in a situation, especially if it is trying, think of what the other person must feel like if you were standing in their shoes.
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Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,497
I remember the same thing about patience in my early recovery.
I wanted so much for my family to understand what I had gone through, and they didn't want to hear it. Of course, they wanted me to be well, but it was my problem. I really hit a wall and realized that I had no choice but to show them by my actions that I was getting better.
And, it's one of the best lessons I've learned.
I wanted so much for my family to understand what I had gone through, and they didn't want to hear it. Of course, they wanted me to be well, but it was my problem. I really hit a wall and realized that I had no choice but to show them by my actions that I was getting better.
And, it's one of the best lessons I've learned.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
Posts: 8,997
I prayed that when I got a sponsor...I would get the one that was right for me. I understood that book enough to know the "solution" was working the steps. The sponsor I asked and who said to me...I'd be honored...Was the right fit for me. I remembered this paragraph...
When we decide who is to hear our story, we waste no time. We have a written inventory and we are prepared for a long talk. We explain to our partner what we are about to do and why we have to do it. He should realize that we are engaged upon a life-and-death errand. Most people approached in this way will be glad to help; they will be honored by our confidence.
He was helpful...Encouraging...Patient with me....But he didn't hold me back. I wanted to do the steps as laid out in the book...Thoroughly follow the path. I wanted my chance of failing....To be rare. After doing my third step prayer...The book said...
Next we launched out on a course of vigorous action...
What is vigor?....Vigor....intensity of action
My sponsor let me work those steps at my speed and I think that's why they worked for me. I was thorough and fearless....But I worked them with intensity. I've heard of sponsors that say you should do a step a year...I'd probably be dead if I had one like that. I don't know....I'm all for patience....But it's more about following directions for me. I just did what the book told me to do. If I had questions...I asked. I guess sponsors are going to have different ways to do it...I'm just glad I got the one I did.
When we decide who is to hear our story, we waste no time. We have a written inventory and we are prepared for a long talk. We explain to our partner what we are about to do and why we have to do it. He should realize that we are engaged upon a life-and-death errand. Most people approached in this way will be glad to help; they will be honored by our confidence.
He was helpful...Encouraging...Patient with me....But he didn't hold me back. I wanted to do the steps as laid out in the book...Thoroughly follow the path. I wanted my chance of failing....To be rare. After doing my third step prayer...The book said...
Next we launched out on a course of vigorous action...
What is vigor?....Vigor....intensity of action
My sponsor let me work those steps at my speed and I think that's why they worked for me. I was thorough and fearless....But I worked them with intensity. I've heard of sponsors that say you should do a step a year...I'd probably be dead if I had one like that. I don't know....I'm all for patience....But it's more about following directions for me. I just did what the book told me to do. If I had questions...I asked. I guess sponsors are going to have different ways to do it...I'm just glad I got the one I did.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: NYC/NJ
Posts: 431
Jeni,
Chronic impatience is a symptom of a dysfunctional relationship with the present moment. This can also be called a dysfunctional relationship with life itself, because the present moment and life are one and the same. Often times people are fooled thats its a current undesirable situation thats the cause of it, and when it passes, they'll be at peace again. Of course this isn't true, because the source of it is within them, not out there. Once the goal is reached or the trouble has passes, there may be a momentarily relief- but then something else will pop up, and so on and so on.
Impatience isn't something really that's overcome through effort, it goes away naturally, on it's own, when you stop trying to find some sort of fulfillment in the future, which of course only exists as a thought in the head. As long as the belief that some future moment is more important than the present moment, you will always be trying to get someplace else, because right here right now just isn't satisfying enough. Having goals and growing ect are good things, but its always about the enjoyment of the process, not the end result!
Chronic impatience is a symptom of a dysfunctional relationship with the present moment. This can also be called a dysfunctional relationship with life itself, because the present moment and life are one and the same. Often times people are fooled thats its a current undesirable situation thats the cause of it, and when it passes, they'll be at peace again. Of course this isn't true, because the source of it is within them, not out there. Once the goal is reached or the trouble has passes, there may be a momentarily relief- but then something else will pop up, and so on and so on.
Impatience isn't something really that's overcome through effort, it goes away naturally, on it's own, when you stop trying to find some sort of fulfillment in the future, which of course only exists as a thought in the head. As long as the belief that some future moment is more important than the present moment, you will always be trying to get someplace else, because right here right now just isn't satisfying enough. Having goals and growing ect are good things, but its always about the enjoyment of the process, not the end result!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
[QUOTE=sugarbear1;3442191]I believe Bill W. and Dr. Bob and others would agree that the steps can be worked fearlessly and thoroughly in a short period of time....
i was comin home from the university of michigan cancer center after a visit to learn what i was gonna be goin through with a battle of cancer. even though i had been through the steps, i learned on that ride home i can go through them in as little as 45 minutes.
i was comin home from the university of michigan cancer center after a visit to learn what i was gonna be goin through with a battle of cancer. even though i had been through the steps, i learned on that ride home i can go through them in as little as 45 minutes.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: KY
Posts: 80
I too have a lot of problem with patience. It's like when I want something, I want it now. I think all of us alcoholics have that problem to some extent. That is what alcohol is, instant gratification.
I struggle a lot with living in the future. I keep worry about tomorrow, and I need to take each moment as it is. That's one of my biggest difficulties in my sobriety journey. I keep worry about when I might drink again, and so worried I'm going to fall. It's good to be on guard, but I don't think it's healthy to keep thinking so much about failing that it drives you crazy like it's doing me right now.
I want to KNOW that this time is it, that I'll never drink again. But it's in the future, and I can't know that right now.
I struggle a lot with living in the future. I keep worry about tomorrow, and I need to take each moment as it is. That's one of my biggest difficulties in my sobriety journey. I keep worry about when I might drink again, and so worried I'm going to fall. It's good to be on guard, but I don't think it's healthy to keep thinking so much about failing that it drives you crazy like it's doing me right now.
I want to KNOW that this time is it, that I'll never drink again. But it's in the future, and I can't know that right now.
~sb
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,964
Big hugs & love to you, tomsteve.
I see it as a process, like a circle or a cycle. We must continue to work these steps over and over. The big book relates the 4th step as an inventory, like that which a business must do. We don't look at what was in the business in the beginning, but what is there NOW. If something comes up, then it will be time for more cleaning and more inventory. Yes, they can be done quickly and thoroughly without rushing through them.
Marty M. is on xa-speakers.org and talks about how everyone has their own way of working through the steps. Same steps, same process, but in different manners. I found her to be enlightening with her recorded talk. Take a listen. There is no right or wrong way, it's just another way. Doing it, that is the work that needs to be done.
Change occurs in steps 4-9, steps 1-3 prepare us for the real work in 4-9, 10-12 are daily necessities to obtain and to improve our conscious contact with a power greater than ourselves. For me, 1-3 were done out of desperation, so there was no real work to do. Steps 1-3 came to life after step 7 for me.
No judgements, just that it can be done and done well, as long as it is done.
The relief is real. The freedom is real. As long as learning that patience was a higher power's inspiration, then all is well.
Give time time. Practice being in the now. Practice prayer and meditation. Be in the now. Each person has a personal journey to be on. That is priceless!
Peace,
I see it as a process, like a circle or a cycle. We must continue to work these steps over and over. The big book relates the 4th step as an inventory, like that which a business must do. We don't look at what was in the business in the beginning, but what is there NOW. If something comes up, then it will be time for more cleaning and more inventory. Yes, they can be done quickly and thoroughly without rushing through them.
Marty M. is on xa-speakers.org and talks about how everyone has their own way of working through the steps. Same steps, same process, but in different manners. I found her to be enlightening with her recorded talk. Take a listen. There is no right or wrong way, it's just another way. Doing it, that is the work that needs to be done.
Change occurs in steps 4-9, steps 1-3 prepare us for the real work in 4-9, 10-12 are daily necessities to obtain and to improve our conscious contact with a power greater than ourselves. For me, 1-3 were done out of desperation, so there was no real work to do. Steps 1-3 came to life after step 7 for me.
No judgements, just that it can be done and done well, as long as it is done.
The relief is real. The freedom is real. As long as learning that patience was a higher power's inspiration, then all is well.
Give time time. Practice being in the now. Practice prayer and meditation. Be in the now. Each person has a personal journey to be on. That is priceless!
Peace,
Spiritual Learner
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Chicago, Illinois
Posts: 165
Well first keep the serenity prayer in mind! I really like what stride43 said because we want to be somewhere where we are not, in the present. In dealing with sponsors people have a bunch of different ways which one is right or which one is wrong, doesn't matter, but we need to pick one that works for us. There is no wrong way but we do have to have a plan in place and follow thru so we don't follow thru on relapsing.
I have heard about working one step a year and that would not work for me or working them real quick like in the beginning of A.A. but then back then all they had was themselves- no treatment, no worldwide web, they had to carry the message to the next alcoholic as soon as possible. But the bottom line is we work them over and over and eventually we slow down and get to know the real self!
God Bless you om your journey!
I have heard about working one step a year and that would not work for me or working them real quick like in the beginning of A.A. but then back then all they had was themselves- no treatment, no worldwide web, they had to carry the message to the next alcoholic as soon as possible. But the bottom line is we work them over and over and eventually we slow down and get to know the real self!
God Bless you om your journey!
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