Possible Drug Problem With Son----
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Possible Drug Problem With Son----
Well I post here sometimes but mostly in the Alcoholics forum. I recently learned that my freshman son received all F's except gym this past semester. He did good the first semester (B's & C's) & was playing sports. Obviously, something is wrong & his mother indicated she suspects marijuana. I've learned from reading here that drug testing is not really recommended??? Why? I think showing a teenager proof that the test is positive can help. I would use a good hospital grade 5 panel test & surprise him. Sadly, alcohol/drug addiction runs in my family & I recently had a 1day slip after 9months of sobriety. I'm also never sure if sharing my extensive drug history is right or not? I've been around active addicts my whole life. I'd like to think I would recognize if he was high but then again denial is very powerful.
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My therapist told me "if you have to drug test your husband, you already know the answer....but kids is a different matter, I am all in favor of drug testing kids." So that's another's opinion!
Her only child was murdered by a drug crazed addict. She and her husband were left for dead too. She is at peace, brilliant and truly inspiring.
Her only child was murdered by a drug crazed addict. She and her husband were left for dead too. She is at peace, brilliant and truly inspiring.
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Justfor1: Maybe you could start with a conversation with your son about what happened. Not all school problems are about drug use. There is so much pressure on our kids at such a young age and really....schools do not provide them with much support. I know so many super bright, motivated and supported kids who imploded during their first year of college. So much freedom all at once and all the responsibility for it. Sometimes that takes some getting use to.
Now....I am not in any way suggesting there shouldn't be consequences for the "flunking out". (paying back the tuition with a summer job is a good start) But I would listen first.....if drugs are an issue you will likely pick up on that.....or he may talk to you about it. Being physically active suggests taking care of himself by the way.....that sounds positive to me.....
Best to you.....your instincts will likely guide you well.
Now....I am not in any way suggesting there shouldn't be consequences for the "flunking out". (paying back the tuition with a summer job is a good start) But I would listen first.....if drugs are an issue you will likely pick up on that.....or he may talk to you about it. Being physically active suggests taking care of himself by the way.....that sounds positive to me.....
Best to you.....your instincts will likely guide you well.
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Did you mean freshman in HS or college?
Here is my story. Parents divorce when I was a freshman in HS. Started smoking pot, etc. No need for a drug testing, I told my mother I was smoking it and was never going to stop. Told her to "Get used to it." My mom got me a therapist, I resisted. In fact, I was hostile and very disrespectful. She reached me. Suddenly, when I got high, I started feeling paranoid and hated it.
Same therapist came to my college graduation and was like a proud mother. I was very lucky to have her in my life...still do, if I would pick up the phone.
P.S. IMO, very few people stop at pot...that I knew anyway!
Here is my story. Parents divorce when I was a freshman in HS. Started smoking pot, etc. No need for a drug testing, I told my mother I was smoking it and was never going to stop. Told her to "Get used to it." My mom got me a therapist, I resisted. In fact, I was hostile and very disrespectful. She reached me. Suddenly, when I got high, I started feeling paranoid and hated it.
Same therapist came to my college graduation and was like a proud mother. I was very lucky to have her in my life...still do, if I would pick up the phone.
P.S. IMO, very few people stop at pot...that I knew anyway!
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Hi, I have two teenagers (good kids) but even they will lie if they don't want me to know something. Drug testing with a conversation as to why will help your son learn now that denying wont be the option you will settle with. I wish now I had drug tested my oldest son in high school, it may have turned out differently for him.
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Originally Posted by Justfor1 
I think showing a teenager proof that the test is positive can help.
If your son is underage, you could drug test him as a condition of keeping or losing privledges. Hair testing is substantially more accurate than urine or saliva and will show prior use 3-6 months.
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If you want to drug test him, go ahead and try. When I tried testing, my kid was either really sneaky about trying to beat the test, or she resigned herself to failing and took a "What are you going to do about it?" attitude. I suppose if you do get a valid test, it could tell you if other drugs than pot might be involved. Regardless, it was a frustrating and futile effort for me because my AD did not really care no matter what the consequence.
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I'm very concerned even if it's "only weed". I have known many cocaine/heroin addicts & they always started with marijuana and/or alcohol. Usually in high school as well. But now there are all these wild things kids are using that cant be detected like "bath salts" & stuff.
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Freshmen in high school right? - It makes a difference.
Do you all live together or does he live with mom?
Can you and mom be a "united front" and do whatever is necessary before the possible addiction takes hold.
Sometimes nothing works, but you should do whatever you can until he's an adult.
I wish I had...
Do you all live together or does he live with mom?
Can you and mom be a "united front" and do whatever is necessary before the possible addiction takes hold.
Sometimes nothing works, but you should do whatever you can until he's an adult.
I wish I had...
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K2 (cloud nine) is sold in many stores. Most kids think its a synthetic marijuana. It's not and its very dangerous. It's sold a in-cents and not for human consumption and our kids are smoking this stuff. It can bought on line as well.
My son "stored" clean urine, in case of a surprise drug test. He passed and was still smoking with pot or that K2 crap. I underestimated him.
Kids talk and share their tricks.
My son "stored" clean urine, in case of a surprise drug test. He passed and was still smoking with pot or that K2 crap. I underestimated him.
Kids talk and share their tricks.
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We took away my son's cell phone due to his grades. I couldn't figure out how he was still able to text his friends.
He had taken his sister's ipod (she didn't notice because she wasn't using it because she now had an iphone) and it had been set to our wireless internet connection. My son downloaded a "text free" application and was texting away...right underneath my nose and I had no idea. Keeping up the new technology isn't always easy.
He had taken his sister's ipod (she didn't notice because she wasn't using it because she now had an iphone) and it had been set to our wireless internet connection. My son downloaded a "text free" application and was texting away...right underneath my nose and I had no idea. Keeping up the new technology isn't always easy.
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Let me preface by saying I dont have kids. yet. But im 24, did the weed thing, went through high school, grew up in a strict house, etc.
My brother started smoking weed in high school. Of course when he was caught my parents came down hard. Took away his privileges, tested him, kept close tabs on him, etc. Kept smoking weed. When he was 17 and 364 days old, he started packing and moved out. Didnt take long before he tried other stuff. Hes now 30, an alcoholic and IV drug user and looks closer to death every time I see him.
Fast forward a bit to me. We had our house burn down, i had bad luck with girls, I hated my school etc. and I was going through a general rebellious stage. Listened to loud music and gave my parents attitude and smoked weed a bit. When asked, i was honest. They told me i better never bring anything illegal into their house. I did what i wanted outside, but i respected their wishes. They were understanding, and tried to talk to me rather than clamp down on my life. I never tried/wanted to try anything different. Now, I havent touched weed in about 5 years, i have 1 or 2 drinks on occasion, im married with a house a wife and a life.
Fast forward a bit more. My younger brother in highschool starts smoking weed. He is accepted into an accelerated degree program. They support him and dont talk about it. He knows half a dozen coding languages and has job offers programming on a video game development team for a very big name developer before even graduating. He smokes every day. Is also one of the most motivated and intelligent people I know.
Weed isnt the same to everyone who tries it. Your son could be any of those, any other sides of the spectrum, or any gradient in between the two. My feeling is kids can use support, understanding, and knowing their parents love them and care more than they can use a positive drug test and what they see as their life ruined. Your house, your rules: absolutely. If ur kid has weed in your house, call the cops. Its not about them. YOU dont want illegal crap in YOUR house. dont even be mad, just be like "Im not mad, do what you want, but its not going on in my house"
I dunno. I've grown up around weed, ive had friends parents react every way imaginable. I've seen what makes it way worse and what still gives kids a chance to have healthy happy lives.
/rant
My brother started smoking weed in high school. Of course when he was caught my parents came down hard. Took away his privileges, tested him, kept close tabs on him, etc. Kept smoking weed. When he was 17 and 364 days old, he started packing and moved out. Didnt take long before he tried other stuff. Hes now 30, an alcoholic and IV drug user and looks closer to death every time I see him.
Fast forward a bit to me. We had our house burn down, i had bad luck with girls, I hated my school etc. and I was going through a general rebellious stage. Listened to loud music and gave my parents attitude and smoked weed a bit. When asked, i was honest. They told me i better never bring anything illegal into their house. I did what i wanted outside, but i respected their wishes. They were understanding, and tried to talk to me rather than clamp down on my life. I never tried/wanted to try anything different. Now, I havent touched weed in about 5 years, i have 1 or 2 drinks on occasion, im married with a house a wife and a life.
Fast forward a bit more. My younger brother in highschool starts smoking weed. He is accepted into an accelerated degree program. They support him and dont talk about it. He knows half a dozen coding languages and has job offers programming on a video game development team for a very big name developer before even graduating. He smokes every day. Is also one of the most motivated and intelligent people I know.
Weed isnt the same to everyone who tries it. Your son could be any of those, any other sides of the spectrum, or any gradient in between the two. My feeling is kids can use support, understanding, and knowing their parents love them and care more than they can use a positive drug test and what they see as their life ruined. Your house, your rules: absolutely. If ur kid has weed in your house, call the cops. Its not about them. YOU dont want illegal crap in YOUR house. dont even be mad, just be like "Im not mad, do what you want, but its not going on in my house"
I dunno. I've grown up around weed, ive had friends parents react every way imaginable. I've seen what makes it way worse and what still gives kids a chance to have healthy happy lives.
/rant
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CC88 - I honestly don't believe its how parents react or how a situation is handled....for the most part. I have learned over and over, it's not the drug of choice, it's the person.
While I was in HS, I did my share of experimenting with drugs and alcohol- I got lucky...some didn't. But was it really luck? I don't believe I had any more self control then they did. My friend started drinking at 16 and by 17 was a full blown alcoholic. Alcoholism ran rampant in her family. Where her odds greater then mine? I think so.
All F's (except for gym) is a huge indicator that something is not right. I find it difficult to believe it is only weed, unless he is obsessing over it. (an addictive mind) Just my opinion.
While I was in HS, I did my share of experimenting with drugs and alcohol- I got lucky...some didn't. But was it really luck? I don't believe I had any more self control then they did. My friend started drinking at 16 and by 17 was a full blown alcoholic. Alcoholism ran rampant in her family. Where her odds greater then mine? I think so.
All F's (except for gym) is a huge indicator that something is not right. I find it difficult to believe it is only weed, unless he is obsessing over it. (an addictive mind) Just my opinion.
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Thats fine, I was sharing what happened with me and mine, and our parents reaction did effect things positively and negatively respectively. Im not trying to convince anyone just sharing my story. i didnt say that parents reaction dictates what happens next. whats going to happen will happen. But it can help or speed it up.
And maybe you havent considered the fact that he just doesnt care about his grades? Hes an unmotivated teenager trying to be cool, or would rather not be doing schoolwork? Why is the conclusion that hes into hard drugs jumped to?? Kids can be smoking weed and getting bad grades and the 2 be unrelated.
And maybe you havent considered the fact that he just doesnt care about his grades? Hes an unmotivated teenager trying to be cool, or would rather not be doing schoolwork? Why is the conclusion that hes into hard drugs jumped to?? Kids can be smoking weed and getting bad grades and the 2 be unrelated.
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My two cents, for what it's worth.
When my son's high school grades and school performance/attendance in general plummeted, I wish I had been more aware of the role weed was playing in his life. What I didn't discover until years later was that his father, my ex-husband, knew all along and permitted him to smoke in his home and concealed my son's use to everyone who was trying to help at that time: my son's teachers, guidance counselor, psychiatrist, and, of course, me.
We were all bamboozled (well, I think his teachers and guidance counselor very much suspected that my son's biggest problems stemmed from drug use, not depression or anxiety or bipolar disorder--a diagnosis that a later psychiatrist dismissed.) My son may have been using drugs to self-medicate for depression and anxiety, but having that abuse concealed meant whatever meds he was prescribed could not possibly work as they were supposed to.
The consequences have been terrible. My 21-year-old son is addicted to opiates/heroin, has been living the "addict lifestyle" (up all night, asleep all day, no school, almost no gainful employment, lots of stealing, on probation for second drug offense, terrible driving record, etc.) for a few years, right in his father's house. Finally, my ex gave him two choices--inpatient rehab or the streets. My AS chose the streets.
Knowing what I know now, if my two younger sons begin exhibiting any of the school-related problems, I will be drug testing. I will do what it is in my power to do to either identify that as a factor in the situation--and deal with that first--or eliminate it. Fortunately, my husband, father of my two younger boys, is a completely different person. It helps to have a partner on the same page, and it is deadly to have a parent who deliberately conspires with the addict.
When my son's high school grades and school performance/attendance in general plummeted, I wish I had been more aware of the role weed was playing in his life. What I didn't discover until years later was that his father, my ex-husband, knew all along and permitted him to smoke in his home and concealed my son's use to everyone who was trying to help at that time: my son's teachers, guidance counselor, psychiatrist, and, of course, me.
We were all bamboozled (well, I think his teachers and guidance counselor very much suspected that my son's biggest problems stemmed from drug use, not depression or anxiety or bipolar disorder--a diagnosis that a later psychiatrist dismissed.) My son may have been using drugs to self-medicate for depression and anxiety, but having that abuse concealed meant whatever meds he was prescribed could not possibly work as they were supposed to.
The consequences have been terrible. My 21-year-old son is addicted to opiates/heroin, has been living the "addict lifestyle" (up all night, asleep all day, no school, almost no gainful employment, lots of stealing, on probation for second drug offense, terrible driving record, etc.) for a few years, right in his father's house. Finally, my ex gave him two choices--inpatient rehab or the streets. My AS chose the streets.
Knowing what I know now, if my two younger sons begin exhibiting any of the school-related problems, I will be drug testing. I will do what it is in my power to do to either identify that as a factor in the situation--and deal with that first--or eliminate it. Fortunately, my husband, father of my two younger boys, is a completely different person. It helps to have a partner on the same page, and it is deadly to have a parent who deliberately conspires with the addict.
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Everyone's experience will be different. Some kids experiment with marijuana, and don't get "caught." That was not the case for my son.
He started using regularly his freshman year of high school, we intervened, sent him to psychiatrists and therapists, then 7 months at a residential treatment center when he was 16..he came home and after a month moved on to percocet and benzos...after 6 months of trying to deal with that again, we sent him back to treatment for a month. This time he lasted 3 weeks. The habit escalated, and he started stealing from us and getting beaten up by dealers he owed money to. We told him he was on the street if he didn't go to treatment. He chose treatment. He was at the primary program for 6 weeks, then an extended care program for 10 months. The week before he was set to complete that program, he relapsed and walked out of the program. This relapse progressed to shooting heroin, and lasted 5 weeks. He is barely 19. He is clean now- but not really "sober" as he thinks he can manage it on his own. His recovery program consists of Vivitrol, daily talks with his sponsor, and occasional meetings. He's sort of "half pregnant"...but every day without drug use is a blessing.
Anyway, I'm not sure drug testing is the answer. You know he's using, and he knows he's using. If you set up regular drug testing as a requirement for some privilege, he'll figure out a way to beat it, and then you'll be operating with a false sense of security. The grades of all Fs indicate to me that this has progressed beyond casual experimentation. I'd focus on the consequences of his actions- the F's. Is summer school an option? Facing the prospect of spending the summer in school, rather than on vacation, MAY help him to understand the results of his choices.
We failed at this, so I don't really have much to offer, other than cut off all money and hold him accountable for his choices. I wish you luck.
He started using regularly his freshman year of high school, we intervened, sent him to psychiatrists and therapists, then 7 months at a residential treatment center when he was 16..he came home and after a month moved on to percocet and benzos...after 6 months of trying to deal with that again, we sent him back to treatment for a month. This time he lasted 3 weeks. The habit escalated, and he started stealing from us and getting beaten up by dealers he owed money to. We told him he was on the street if he didn't go to treatment. He chose treatment. He was at the primary program for 6 weeks, then an extended care program for 10 months. The week before he was set to complete that program, he relapsed and walked out of the program. This relapse progressed to shooting heroin, and lasted 5 weeks. He is barely 19. He is clean now- but not really "sober" as he thinks he can manage it on his own. His recovery program consists of Vivitrol, daily talks with his sponsor, and occasional meetings. He's sort of "half pregnant"...but every day without drug use is a blessing.
Anyway, I'm not sure drug testing is the answer. You know he's using, and he knows he's using. If you set up regular drug testing as a requirement for some privilege, he'll figure out a way to beat it, and then you'll be operating with a false sense of security. The grades of all Fs indicate to me that this has progressed beyond casual experimentation. I'd focus on the consequences of his actions- the F's. Is summer school an option? Facing the prospect of spending the summer in school, rather than on vacation, MAY help him to understand the results of his choices.
We failed at this, so I don't really have much to offer, other than cut off all money and hold him accountable for his choices. I wish you luck.
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