Need advise
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Upstate, NY
Posts: 21
Need advise
Hi everyone. Its been awhile since I have been on here, but I really need some advise as to what I may be able to do.
My best friend (I've talked about her in previous posts) just told me this weekend that she wasn't really sick with a "bug" last week and weekend......she was going through with-drawl. She was addicted to opiates (it happened when they gave her morphine in the hospital.
Quite a few years ago (like 10 or so) she was addicted to cocaine. She did get off of that (I do know that for a fact) and she promised herself she would NEVER go down that road again. But then she was in the hospital and ended up addicted to morphine. She was completed ashamed and disgusted with herself that she would do this again.......she thankfully was able to get clean again......thank god. BUT she told me this weekend that she knows why she continues to abuse her body........she has a very low self esteem of herself and she was raped and robbed, but never talked to anyone about it because she was in fear of her life. This was the first time that she ever told anyone.
I didn't know what to say to her........I told her she really needs to talk to someone about this because I just don't know what to tell her or how to get her "past" this. She told me she doesn't trust anyone and is scared that they would take away her daughter away from her. I know that trust take A LONG TIME and my advise to her was (don't know if it was good or not) to just not say immediately that she has a child as she is not doing anything anymore.
What do all of you think? I'm just at a loss.
PS: anyone that has read my previous post and remembers.....this is the same friend I spoke of before.......I did talk to her and everything worked out and this is what I found out.
My best friend (I've talked about her in previous posts) just told me this weekend that she wasn't really sick with a "bug" last week and weekend......she was going through with-drawl. She was addicted to opiates (it happened when they gave her morphine in the hospital.
Quite a few years ago (like 10 or so) she was addicted to cocaine. She did get off of that (I do know that for a fact) and she promised herself she would NEVER go down that road again. But then she was in the hospital and ended up addicted to morphine. She was completed ashamed and disgusted with herself that she would do this again.......she thankfully was able to get clean again......thank god. BUT she told me this weekend that she knows why she continues to abuse her body........she has a very low self esteem of herself and she was raped and robbed, but never talked to anyone about it because she was in fear of her life. This was the first time that she ever told anyone.
I didn't know what to say to her........I told her she really needs to talk to someone about this because I just don't know what to tell her or how to get her "past" this. She told me she doesn't trust anyone and is scared that they would take away her daughter away from her. I know that trust take A LONG TIME and my advise to her was (don't know if it was good or not) to just not say immediately that she has a child as she is not doing anything anymore.
What do all of you think? I'm just at a loss.
PS: anyone that has read my previous post and remembers.....this is the same friend I spoke of before.......I did talk to her and everything worked out and this is what I found out.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Starting over all over again
Posts: 4,426
Hello helpless 
There really is a lot you can do to help somebody who is addicted. Giving advice is _not_ the way to help. What you can actually do is fairly simple, but it takes a lot of reading and learning on your part. You mentioned that you have been to al-anon in some of your other posts, so I will skip that part. The next thing you need to do is learn all about this disease, and how it works in their minds. While you are doing that visit the recovery centers in your area and talk to the Admissions Counselor. See what information they can provide.
As people have posted in your other threads, you need to keep yourself safe, both physically and emotionally. You also need to keep your list of recovery centers up to date. At some point in the future your friend may call you and say "help". At that point you need to be able to give her that list of numbers so that _she_ can call the people that can actually help her.
The secret to all of this is that you need to prevent getting sucked into being an enabler. If you become an enabler she will _not_ call you when she needs help, she will only call you when she needs to get loaded.
Have you gone thru our "sticky" posts at the top of the forum yet? If not, there's a lot of good information there.
Mike
Moderator, SR
There really is a lot you can do to help somebody who is addicted. Giving advice is _not_ the way to help. What you can actually do is fairly simple, but it takes a lot of reading and learning on your part. You mentioned that you have been to al-anon in some of your other posts, so I will skip that part. The next thing you need to do is learn all about this disease, and how it works in their minds. While you are doing that visit the recovery centers in your area and talk to the Admissions Counselor. See what information they can provide.
As people have posted in your other threads, you need to keep yourself safe, both physically and emotionally. You also need to keep your list of recovery centers up to date. At some point in the future your friend may call you and say "help". At that point you need to be able to give her that list of numbers so that _she_ can call the people that can actually help her.
The secret to all of this is that you need to prevent getting sucked into being an enabler. If you become an enabler she will _not_ call you when she needs help, she will only call you when she needs to get loaded.
Have you gone thru our "sticky" posts at the top of the forum yet? If not, there's a lot of good information there.
Mike
Moderator, SR
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