Live2Run25

Hello. I’m new here. I feel like I could write a novel, but to keep the interest level up; I will cut it down to the important facts as to why I’m here.
I’m a soon to be 26 year old female. My dad is currently in a Rehab facility in Cumberland, MD after a 3 week drinking binge that left him to be found on the side of the road unable to stand and see after camping in the woods because his family kicked him out. My father has been an alcoholic my entire life. I saw him until I was 4, and then he was gone from my life with no contact at all for over 22 years. I contacted him in 2009 because I was tired of carrying around the hatred and all the emotions that went with him abandoning me. I contacted him knowing he was an alcoholic, and a compulsive liar. After I contacted him, he moved here to Maryland from Florida to be near me. In the last couple years we’ve only probably seen each other maybe 10 times. I would try to make plans but he’d show up so drunk he couldn’t even function. I got sick of this pretty fast.
That’s the first half of the story. I’m actually here for the support for myself.
I think I’m well on my way to being an alcoholic, and it wasn’t until I was facing my father face to face in the hospital after his last incident that I realized it. I had my first drink at 17 or 18 and this is when I did most of the heaviest drinking. I woke up in my own vomit on two different occasions. I look back wondering how I even survived this after hearing from my friends how I was practically (or was) comatose. This still didn’t seem to stop me, or even slow me down. I didn’t think I had a problem because I only drank on the weekends. I lived on my own, and never drank during the week, surely that meant I couldn’t be an alcoholic. I have a steady job, a new car, and pay all my own bills. When I was 22, my boyfriend proposed to me. Up until this point I don’t think I had ever been to a bar. I never wanted to go out. That year, I went out for my 5 year class reunion and go out of control. I was drinking mixed drinks, shots, you name it. After that I drug my fiancé to a party after the bar closed. That night I ended up making out with a drunken guy at the party and the next day my fiancé and I broke up. This sent me into a downward spiral. I was going out every weekend and getting drunk, going home with people I didn’t even know. I held a few small relationships, but they all usually involved meeting up after the bar closed. Fast forward to present. I’m going out Thursday nights and the weekend. I almost always black out after drinking any amount of alcohol now. I don’t remember anything or hardly anything. I’m in a relationship now and I don’t want anything to happen to it. Just last weekend (June 2) I went to a local festival and drank over 17 glasses of wine. I was still walking, coherent, and no one understood how I was. I didn’t think it was a big deal. But I’m starting to think about my dad, and myself, and how much I don’t want to end up like him. I need to change my life. Now. I have not had one drink since 6/2/2012.
I’m here for support.. looking forward to talking to everyone.

aeo1313

I drink and carry on very similar to you...but I am a 36yo wife and mother. I do things when drunk that make me never want to leave my house again and I swear they won't happen again...but then the next weekend comes around.

I have been sober for 40 days. In those 40 days I have not made out with strangers, gotten mysterious bruises, texted embarasing things, or wondered how I got to bed. It's been nice.

Sapling

Welcome to SR Live2Run25...Lot of good support here. Alcoholism ran in my family...My first beer around the age of 12 hit home with me...I was drinking alcoholicly at the age of 15 and carried on with that for 35 more years...It's insanity...And I believe I was born with it...The good news is...There are ways to get out of it. Glad you are here. I think I said hello to you in another thread.

Cinderblock18

Hi! You're story inspired to me register here and post. I just came across this website today. I am 31 years old and am a weekend drinker as well. I don't even think about drinking on weekdays. But here I am, another Monday hungover at work, feeling terrible. As much as I kid myself, I am no longer able to limit my drinking on the weekends.
I am here for support as well. If I can get enough courage, I am going to an AA meeting tonight. This will be my second meeting. Congrats for being sober for over a week!

Sapling

Welcome to you Cinderblock18...Why don't you start a NEW THREAD and tell your story...Great to have you here.

Live2Run25

aeo1313 I can relate. I've gotten many bruises and done things i'm ashamed of. 40 days is excellent! keep it up!

Live2Run25

Sapling.. my mom told me I was born with it. I have SO many alocholics in my family. I really worry my mother with my drinking. So here I am. This is my first place however, so you said Hi to someone else, elsewhere =)

Live2Run25

Cinderblock- So glad you posted. You should your story! It's a great place to start!

FredG

Congratulations - every day is a bonus. It doesn't matter how much you drank, It just matters that you want to stop.

You're in a great place for support, although you should probably get some locally as well, such as a 12 step program of some sort. The people in those groups help a lot.

Congrats aeo1313 on 40 - just think of the training you've had for old age. 59 and 34 years sober, sometimes I forget my wifes name, bruises appear that I can't remember getting, my thumbs are too big for texting and wondering how I got to bed is a physical issue rather than mental.

Cinderblock18

Awe, I feel so supported already And because I'm a scaredy cat, I will share my story here, is that okay? Although, I'm not sure even where to start?
My problem with alchohol has been a gradual one. Since I became a mother almost 4 years ago, I started to drink to relieve stress and anxiety. Everything my husband and all of our friends do revolve around drinking. Boating, 4 wheeling, playing in the pool, going to the beach, you name it. For the past 3.5 years I've been trying to stay sober on the weekends, and have failed more often than not. Sundays recently became drinking days for me as well, leaving for awful Mondays. I have confided in several people and told them that I think I have a drinking problem. However, most, even my best friends do not understand, and tell me that I'm fine, that "everyone drinks" and that I'm just "giving myself a hard time" This is the most difficult part for me. How can I have a problem when nobody believes me?
So, finally, after yet another Sunday going over my limit, I really want to give this sobriety thing a shot. I'm disgusted that I had to thank my husband for putting our son to bed for me, because by that time, my memory starts to get fuzzy. Also something I've started to experience recently....memory loss or very hazy memories.
I'm afraid of and excited for sobriety.

Impurrfect

Welcome to SR ((Live2run25)) and ((Cinderblock18))!

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

Sapling

That's normal...Don't ever worry about what your friends think...That doesn't matter. Do what you think is right.

FredG

My sponsor keeps telling me (I'm hard headed, takes many times to get it across) "What other's think about you is none of your business"

My friends don't know when I 'm not feeling well, but I do. I can tell when I'm feeling nauseated and run down. So chances are if you think you have a problem, then you probably do, but here's a self diagnostic tool that could help you decide. Am I An Alcoholic - Take a Self-Assessment Alcoholic Test

Cinderblock18

Thank you guys! Yes, I feel it's a problem for me. Once I have one drink it is extremely hard for me to limit myself. I have done it from time to time, but I usually end up ticked off that I cannot have more, and become resentful. I can feel that what goes on in my mind while drinking is very different from what most normal drinkers go through. I'm foused on my next drink even when I'm getting low on my drink. I realize that it is me, and me only that can help myself. I asked my husband to not let me drink anything yesterday because I was hungover from Saturday. That was first thing when I woke up. Then come 11 o'clock and the sun is beautiful, all that goes out the window. Thanks for "listening."

Sapling

Hey Cinderblock18....Read the Doctor's Opinion and the first 3 chapters of this book...See if you don't see yourself in it.

http://anonpress.org/bb/index.htm

Linked with the permission of Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc.

Live2Run25

Cinderblock- I can relate SO much to all of this. We CAN do it! All my friends do is drink drink drink.. no matter what the event, they turn it into a drinking thing. It makes it very hard. ANd when I say i'm drinking they say "it's not your fault that your dad has a drinking problem" and all these things. Happy to say that the last time I went to a friends birthday party, I told them no. After a little bit, they left me alone. I just had to be forceful.

Live2Run25

We really seem to have a lot in common. I'm the SAME way. Always worried about my next drink when I have not even finished the one i'm on. The last time I was in a bar, I was in a bathroom drinking wine from my purse, because I didn't want to pay for the drinks. How shameful is that?? It's disgusting. I need to STOP!!

Cinderblock18

Yes, my friends are like "so you're not going to drink ever?" and I still don't know the answer. But from what I can tell, it's all or nothing for sobriety. Not a few here and there. Good for you for being forceful! I think after a while they'll probably just leave you alone and not ask. I'm afraid of becoming boring and nobody liking me sober

Live2Run25

I feel the same way. I'm afraid that they won't like me anymore. At the same time, do I really want to spend a lot of time with people who have to drink at every event that they do? No. Not really. I'm not sure what my "long term" goal is, but given my past and how it's getting worse. I think full blown abstinence is the only thing that will work for me.

Jitterbugg

I just took that test and scored 20/20 (although sober now). It says you may have a problem if you answer 'yes' to 3 out of 20 questions. Wow...just another reminder that I can never drink again.